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I deluded myself into thinking my crush would like me back.


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I am  a bisexual  guy  23 and this guy is 29. We don't have much in common. He is, apparently,quite a shy guy  and very quiet too.

Sometimes i wpuld catch him looking at me and turning fast as looked back .sometimes  he would look down when passing by him. Other times he would  constantly run his hand thrpugh his hair to fix them, or would not be able to maintain eye contact. Other times he would come up timidly   to ask me some random questions and run away as soon as possibile. Apparently he doesnt have a gf and never had one.  But whenever i asked him some random questions ,he would reply in a way that made it seem like he  didnt  want to engage at all. He would never try to keep a conversation going,ask me further questions or make it seem like he wanted to be near me.

The weird thing is that he would just hold his phone all the time and keep his head glued  on it.

The funny thing is that i probably at this point have just misinterpred everything and I feel so stupid for even having had a crush on him ,because probably it was all a delusion. Like, who wouldnt think that maybe the crush was mutual and it was just an issue of shyness from both sides to actually make any move?  There where many times where he could actually show me any sign of genuine interest,but never did. I mean we work together for just  a couple of hours a week. There could have been any way to come up with any silly excuse and talk to me. 

The issue now is that my brain is soo dull that i keep hoping that maybe there might be a hidden interest. And although i talk myself against it pretty much daily -to trust more the fact than just my broken gut instict,I  still can't face it.  Confessing is just plain impossibile as it would create awkwardness on the long run. I would rather live in doubt than actually confess to that  guy- and in that context in particular. So, i would like to know your experiences,what you think   and maybe some advice to let it go.

Edited by Meriw
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If he never had a girlfriend at 29, the reality is that he never took an interest to have one. Why? Who knows? Some get sidetracked so they just just dont take an interest in having a relationship until maybe later when they want to have a family, some are just not interested in having one from various reasons. 

Anyway, aside of him not reciprocitating to you(maybe that turns you), I dont see your attraction to that guy as you did state this

12 minutes ago, Meriw said:

We don't have much in common.

Not much in common and he is clearly not interested probably in girls in general, not just you. So, just let it go.

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13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you know if he is gay?

Sorry ,i had to specify that I am a guy too.

I just thought he secretly liked dudes or something, hence the delusion. I am not even sure tho

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12 minutes ago, Meriw said:

I just thought he secretly liked dudes or something, hence the delusion. I am not even sure tho

Exactly. If you don't even know if he is gay, then there is no attraction from his side.

Don't come on to coworkers and more importantly only get invested in gay men.

No point chasing guys who "maybe secretly like dudes".

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What made you think he "secretly liked dudes"? Because you stare at him and he sometimes notices?

There are a lot of ways to meet men who are definitely interested in dating men. I would focus on that instead of trying to interpret someone's actions.

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1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

What made you think he "secretly liked dudes"? Because you stare at him and he sometimes notices?

There are a lot of ways to meet men who are definitely interested in dating men. I would focus on that instead of trying to interpret 

I don't know. Maybe the way he was behaving and his shyness around me.

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3 hours ago, Meriw said:

whenever i asked him some random questions ,he would reply in a way that made it seem like he  didnt  want to engage at all. He would never try to keep a conversation going,ask me further questions or make it seem like he wanted to be near me.

The weird thing is that he would just hold his phone all the time and keep his head glued  on it.

This part here makes me think that he feels uncomfortable around you. Maybe you're too tense or intense. 

What kinds of questions are you asking him? 

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39 minutes ago, Meriw said:

I don't know. Maybe the way he was behaving and his shyness around me.

But how was he behaving? Looking at his phone? Pushing his hair off his forehead? I don't see anything you wrote as signs he's interested in dating you.

However there are ways to meet men who would want to go out with you. Try dating sites, groups or events, things like that.

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On 4/11/2022 at 11:41 PM, Meriw said:

I don't know. Maybe the way he was behaving and his shyness around me.

I don't see any signs of interest in what you described, if I'm being honest. 

The way he's behaving is simply that of a stranger who doesn't want to engage or is uncomfortable around you. So yes, you do need to be careful not to let your hope cloud your vision - I don't mean to be unkind, but you let your imagination get away with you here. 

Edited by MissCanuck
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Yes,exactly. I was just comparing his behaviour with mine.being a bit shy,i am a bit self conscious about showing interest and would behave as if I hadn't any. Of course,i would be nervous and have a similar behaviour.but everybody is different and my mistake  was just assuming his behaviour patterns would match mine.

I just needed an external opinion, because I am a bit conflicted on whether he doesnt like me the way i thought and is just uncomfortable around me; and the stupid idea that he was just shy and trying to hide a supposed interest towards me -the same way I would do.

I think it is just time to let it go and stop speculating without  real proof. And maybe review my mental health and improve my communication skills.

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1 hour ago, Meriw said:

Yes,exactly. I was just comparing his behaviour with mine.being a bit shy,i am a bit self conscious about showing interest and would behave as if I hadn't any. Of course,i would be nervous and have a similar behaviour.but everybody is different and my mistake  was just assuming his behaviour patterns would match mine.

I just needed an external opinion, because I am a bit conflicted on whether he doesnt like me the way i thought and is just uncomfortable around me; and the stupid idea that he was just shy and trying to hide a supposed interest towards me -the same way I would do.

I think it is just time to let it go and stop speculating without  real proof. And maybe review my mental health and improve my communication skills.

Join a few meet up groups and be a part of your community. Partake in a few causes and meet others like you. If you work together keep things work-related and professional.

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