Larissa

[Larissa]

Need some advice. Been with a guy 7yrs this Feb. Moved into a flat together after a year then found out I was pregnant and we had a little boy. Just after our 3yr anniversary we moved into a 2 bed flat and I was so excited for our future but was skeptical of my bf be behavioural changes not coming home for days. One day to put my mind at rest I logged on to he's iPad messenger not expecting anything but ultimately read a 2wk stream of messages that ended in them discussing how enjoyable their night together was. I was emotionally ruined cried for weeks all the trust in the guy in loved gone. Gave him an ultimatum me and he's boy or go be single. He chose us so gave him a second chance but said it's he's last chance. Since then I have no proof he's cheated again however have seen messages of he sexting girls and on one of he's birthdays he kissed a girl Infront of and asked to go to hers for a threesome but never remembered the next day. On 8th Feb we had our daughter and agin I thought things were food but what I read yesterday changes things. I found messages on 25th Feb saying thanks to a girl for the chat over drinks as he's feeling very alone and hasn't had a meaningful relationship in the last 9mths (basically that means whilst I was pregnant), a string of 2wk messages where he's started 20 questions back and forward a lot sexual and told her he's hasn't felt this good about a girl for ages and a message to a woman he bumped into in work saying nice to see you today did you go home and when she said yes said she could have jumped on it like old times. Tbh I feel enoughs enough he clearly doesn't want me but how the hell do I broach the subject? Do I just say go but how will I pay the rent or live? Currently on £600 a month  maternity but rents £750 then bills are £600. Do I get him to pay April's rent giving me time to sort out help or what if I tell him to go and he just goes leaving me to foot everything? 

[boltnrun]

If he's on the birth certificates for the children he will be required to pay support for them.

An attorney (or solicitor) will file papers in court to ensure he supports his children financially.

See an attorney or solicitor first to find out what your rights are.

Sorry, but this man is not interested in being faithful to you or his family. 

And for sure don't have sex with him anymore to ensure you don't become pregnant again. Also get tested for STDs since it seems he's sleeping around.

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, Larissa said:

Currently on £600 a month  maternity but rents £750 then bills are £600. Do I get him to pay April's rent giving me time to sort out help or what if I tell him to go and he just goes leaving me to foot everything? 

Read your lease carefully and see if and when you can get him out. Start looking for affordable places. Contact welfare for help with food, housing, childcare, etc.

Immediately go to the courts and file for child support on behalf of your children.

Do you have friends or family nearby?

You also need to be tested for STDs.

[wealthydior]

Can’t you stay with your family members or friends for a time? After some time you can get a job too. There are so many working moms.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you.

Visit your local hospital or human services department for a referral to a case worker. Make an appointment for discussion of legal aid, private counseling--any available resources.

From there, you can learn your legal options and the right steps for each option.

Then you can operate with real information rather than on assumptions and emotions alone.

I'd consider practical solutions first, then deal with the emotional stuff later. 

Nothing is worth living with someone who has proven to be untrustworthy. This doesn't mean you'll need to make the guy a villain, but the most beneficial position for you to adopt would be to consider this guy without any interest beyond, hopefully, a decent father and a cooperative co-parent. Otherwise, completely uninteresting.

Head high, and write more if it helps.

[Kwothe28]

Your maternity doesnt even cover rent. And I dunno how are the other countries, but here they dont resolve child support cases quickly. So I would suggest to start with that and making sure you can afford to live and pay bills for at least few months until you get child support and/or start working again. That would mean perhaps changing appartments.