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Hey, I hope everyone is doing well. Let me get straight to the point. My ex and I broke up last January, 16th January 2022 to be exact (what a way to start 2022 right) we’ve dated for 9 months and during that period of time, we were happy, I was happy. But everything turned down hill all of sudden. It’s been almost 2 months and it still stings. There’s a void in my heart every time I think about him. Everything reminds me of him and I keep looking for ‘him’ in someone else.

The pain isn’t as bad as before but I still feel empty. I have never been like this before. It usually takes a short time for me to forget someone and I don’t know how to deal with this one. I’m scared it’ll take me a very long time to move on while he lives his life peacefully. Any advice on how should I completely let go of him and our past memories? Thank you, x.

Edited by Rachel
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According to your previous thread here, you two are still in contact.

It's almost impossible to move on from a breakup when you're still in contact.

No matter how good of "friends" you believe you two are, it's vital to take some time away from him. 

I suggest going completely no contact for at least a couple of months. 

If you refuse to stop contacting him or responding to his contact you can expect to remain stuck feeling just as you do now.

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6 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

According to your previous thread here, you two are still in contact.

It's almost impossible to move on from a breakup when you're still in contact.

No matter how good of "friends" you believe you two are, it's vital to take some time away from him. 

I suggest going completely no contact for at least a couple of months. 

If you refuse to stop contacting him or responding to his contact you can expect to remain stuck feeling just as you do now.

The last time we’ve talked to each other was 3 weeks ago and I haven’t replied ever since because I know I should stop talking to him. But we used to be close friends and I do still care. I just don’t know how to stop caring and not asking him about his life

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1 hour ago, Rachel said:

The last time we’ve talked to each other was 3 weeks ago and I haven’t replied ever since because I know I should stop talking to him. But we used to be close friends and I do still care. I just don’t know how to stop caring and not asking him about his life

You can care without inserting yourself into his life or allowing him to insert himself into yours.  And asking about his life will do nothing but hurt you because it will be glaringly apparent you're not a part of it anymore.  Why put yourself through that?

And three weeks is nothing, especially since you broke up in January.  You basically lost over a month of healing time by staying in contact with him.

Never mind if he said you two could stay "friends" or if he messaged you first or if he said you could stay in touch.  None of that is good for you right now.  

Continue to remain out of contact. And that includes not looking at his social media or looking at his friends' or family members' social media.  Don't ask his friends about him.  If any of your friends come to you with stories about what he's up to, politely ask them to stop.

Finally, make sure you keep active with family and friends.  The worst thing you can do (other than stay in contact) is sit at home, mooning over the pics you two took together or listening to music that reminds you of him or rewatching movies or TV shows you two used to watch together.  See your friends, get plenty of exercise and don't binge on junk food.  And avoid alcohol!  For some reason people seem to think their exes are dying to hear from them when they're tipsy.  Just don't do it.

I promise, if you give it some time you'll start to feel better.  Just make sure to do things that will help you move forward and you'll get there.

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6 hours ago, Rachel said:

I have never been like this before. It usually takes a short time for me to forget someone and I don’t know how to deal with this one. I’m scared it’ll take me a very long time to move on while he lives his life peacefully.

Sooner or later, a break up was going to get you. It's a real pain in the ass when it happens, I know. Sometimes it seems like there's no escape, like you are surrounded by reminders. 

The good news is, it's not going to take you as long as you think to get over him. The path seems daunting because you've never been in this particular position before, and you're at the very beginning of the journey. But you will heal. 

In the meantime, seek out activities that soothe you. In time, you will start to feel better. Before you know it, you'll see a reminder of him and realize that it doesn't bring you pain anymore. 

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7 hours ago, Rachel said:

I just don’t know how to stop caring and not asking him about his life

Is it because you care, though, or because you are trying to find ways to hang on to him?

Care about yourself more now. Every time you reach out to him, you set youself back. You need to prioritize your own well-being. He's fine. You don't need to worry about him and stay updated about his life. 

This pain will start to diminish with the more time and space you have away from him.

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Well 36 weeks dating is the time to get to know each other. His parents told him to end it because he lives with them is unemployed and mooching off them. They're right. He doesn't have time for a GF when he should be looking for jobs and housing.

Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. He was never ready for a relationship.

 

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