i have been avoiding my friend for 5 days after behaving strange🤦‍♀️

[miamie]

me and my friend have been friends for 8 months. anyways i was saying dumb stuff die and stuff like that and my friend said we needed to talk about and it wasn't healthy for me, also i was saying that there's no need to talk and my friend was worried about me..i wasn't in the mood for to talk..so i told my friend no not worry about me, i was fine. my friend again if i was better and stupid me reponded with who cares. then my friend asked if i was angry at him, i was like no. he started saying i seem cold and what the heck was going on. i told him to give me some space but my friend kept sending me heart broken emojies with sad face bla bla..anyways he started explaining i couldn't push people away and some other stuff. my friend said that my friend wouldn't leave me that easily and friends. such a kind friend. also the fact he missed the joyful me. i was like yeah sure🤦‍♀️ next day i apologized about my behavior and my friend said he knew i wasn't serious. somehow the topic turned out something else, my friend started this whole certified S tier and i said

i used to call him shrimp for fun but i learnt its offensive to guys🤦‍♀️ my friend asked for a hug but i refused saying no thanks shirmp. he thought i spat in his face because he said he offered his affection and i refused. then we didnt talk for some hours. then without thinking i said i hated him😐 he was like *** here we go again. he now asked me if i am bipolar but im not bipolar. what do i say to fix this? i can't just come and happily talk like nothing happened to my friend 😞 i have such a bad luck with guy friends😭

[MissCanuck]

4 hours ago, miamie said:

i have such a bad luck with guy friends😭

That's because you're quite rude and sound rather unstable, if I may be honest. A couple examples: 

4 hours ago, miamie said:

i used to call him shrimp

4 hours ago, miamie said:

then without thinking i said i hated him😐

This isn't bad luck. It's you being hurtful and nasty for no reason. It shoud not come as a surprise that these guys don't want to be your friend after the way you treat them. 

Until you learn to control your emotions and get handle on your behaviour, this will keep happening. Forget about making it right with him, and focus instead on why you behave this way. It's not acceptable in a friendship. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, miamie said:

  😞i have such a bad luck with guy friends

That's because you're so desperate for attention you'll do anything. Even bullying. 

Is this the same boy?:

 

[miamie]

14 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's because you're so desperate for attention you'll do anything. Even bullying. 

Is this the same boy?:

 

no its different guys friends, i have been going to therapy but i hope you don't think im a bad person..

[miamie]

19 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

That's because you're quite rude and sound rather unstable, if I may be honest. A couple examples: 

This isn't bad luck. It's you being hurtful and nasty for no reason. It shoud not come as a surprise that these guys don't want to be your friend after the way you treat them. 

Until you learn to control your emotions and get handle on your behaviour, this will keep happening. Forget about making it right with him, and focus instead on why you behave this way. It's not acceptable in a friendship. 

i understand and i will focus on myself and going to therapy... but that friend forgave me for doing that...

[Cherylyn]

With a lot of people, you can't say dumb stuff because it's translated or interpreted as offensive, rude and disrespectful.  You have to be careful with people in general or it's easy to alienate others.  Choose your words wisely.

Responding with 'who cares' is perceived as indifferent or arrogant.  Again, whether in written form or verbal, you have to be careful otherwise the other person (your friend in this case) will consider you unkind, cold and inconsiderate.  This is universal human nature.

Do you have mood swings?  Are you joyful and friendly one minute and the next minute nonchalant and passive? 

After you've apologized, a good way to have a fresh start is to be very careful regarding how you communicate and / or correspond.  Hopefully, this was an isolated incident and you can readjust by starting anew. 

Calling him 'shrimp' for fun may sound humorous and harmless to you but again, you have to be careful because people take name calling personally.  People don't appreciate being called 'shrimp,' short, fat, dumb, stupid, slow, ugly, untalented, disparaging or derogatory remarks.  It is hurtful.  In my past, people have called me all sorts of nicknames and labels out of jest yet at my expense.  I was not amused. 

As for you,  I'd sincerely apologize, tell him that you're sorry and won't call him shrimp anymore.  Get your genuine apology over with so there won't be anymore hard feelings from him.   If you wish to retain this friend, make amends. 

Then you said you hated him.  You're adding more insult to injury.  At this rate, perhaps it's better to drop this friend altogether since numerous apologies are meaningless after a while.  Take a break from guy friends.  Work on your back 'n forth dialogue written or verbal and tread lightly otherwise your careless words will backfire or you'll receive unpleasant backlash.  Or, some people will simply fade away and exit from your life with nary an explanation.  The choice is yours.  

Remember this word:  "empathy"  Remember 'The Golden Rule:'   "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  Repeat this mantra until you fully grasp its meaning with complete comprehension.  Practice common decency and common courtesy.  Then you will be fine. 

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, miamie said:

i understand and i will focus on myself and going to therapy... but that friend forgave me for doing that...

It doesn't matter. 

Your behaviour is still highly inappropriate and needs to be addressed. 

[Batya33]

9 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Calling him 'shrimp' for fun may sound humorous and harmless to you but again, you have to be careful because people take name calling personally.  People don't appreciate being called 'shrimp,' short, fat, dumb, stupid, slow, ugly, untalented, disparaging or derogatory remarks.  It is hurtful.  In my past, people have called me all sorts of nicknames and labels out of jest yet at my expense.  I was not amused. 

Same unless for example it's your sibling and an inside joke -my sister always calls me The Little One with a silly accent and we call each other fat because we're both thin - but you have to have that sort of rapport, a long history very often, and a family or like family relationship.  My husband and son and I have been known to call each other four eyes from time to time as we all wear glasses. It's all in the family.  It's fun.  It's not ok for someone else to call my son four eyes.

Some years ago my husband and I drove a distance with my son to attend a concert where my friend's husband was performing. Her son is the same age as mine.  We went to be supportive (and yes it was enjoyable).  My friend looked at our kids talking to each other (they were around 7) and she said out of the blue "wow! [my son] is soooo much taller than [your son]."  My son is short.  So is my husband.  I did not end the friendship. It was not a dealbreaker.  My husband either heard this rude remark or I told him but he was NOT pleased.  Luckily my son didn't hear it.  

I did not end the friendship but it's 6 years later and I remember it exactly.  It was rude and hurtful and insensitive and ridiculous especially since we showed up for her and her husband.  It makes me less motivated to support her in the future.  No I do not think I am overreacting because pot shots about someone's looks or physical features is not ok with really rare exception.  

[Cherylyn]

13 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I did not end the friendship but it's 6 years later and I remember it exactly.  It was rude and hurtful and insensitive and ridiculous especially since we showed up for her and her husband.  It makes me less motivated to support her in the future.  No I do not think I am overreacting because pot shots about someone's looks or physical features is not ok with really rare exception.  

I agree. You can't take words back.  People remember everything which was said, verbally, written or both.  This is the problem with not being careful with choosing words wisely in the first place.  Hurtful words will come back to haunt people. 

Like you, I don't retaliate nor react.  I simply don't want to be with unkind people anymore.  I decline a lot, withdraw or fade away from their lives.  I think that speaks volumes.  Whenever I no longer desire being with certain people, it's called enforcing healthy, strong boundaries with people who do not know how to behave with common sense manners.  It's not that complicated.  Behave?  I most certainly enjoy some people's company.  Misbehave?  I'm done.  I'm out.