Ex who was rekindling with slept with someone else

[Izac1789]

Fast forward 10 days and still nothing from her. I’m finding it hard that before she left to go away it was so loving, and then now nothing. When she apologised for getting with another guy she said she just wanted to see me and to sort things out, but she has not let me know if she wants to meet and sort things or just call it off for good, and it feels so open ended. 
 

I obviously tried on the Sunday she was back to ask when she was home and she said she felt I was being controlling. Would you have expected a message to let me know that that is it for good if she’s thinking that? 

[Izac1789]

I am considering texting her to apologise for asking her the questions about her sex life & for being upset she got with another guy but I hope she understood why it upset me. And to ask her what she’s thinking about it now? I’d rather her give closure if that’s how she feels or what she wants, or is this a bad idea to message?

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Izac1789 said:

 she said she felt I was being controlling. Would you have expected a message to let me know that that is it for good if she’s thinking that? 

Yes, well it's over. And she called you controlling, which means back off.

All you can do is learn that time waits for no one. 

You tossed her like trash but now that it's convenient for you, you want her back.

Try to get a better handle on the God complex. 

That after throwing people away, they are supposed to be your devotees forever, staying chaste and undyingly loyal to you?

You're not a rockstar and she's not your groupie. When that sinks in the world will make a lot more sense to you.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, Izac1789 said:

I am considering texting her to apologise for asking her the questions about her sex life & for being upset she got with another guy but I hope she understood why it upset me. And to ask her what she’s thinking about it now? I’d rather her give closure if that’s how she feels or what she wants, or is this a bad idea to message?

I wouldn't play mind games with yourself about closure to justify you reaching out to her.  She will give herself closure and perhaps already has.  I thought you already apologized and texting to her about her sex life etc even if an "apology" is lame. It's not an apology.  It's an excuse to contact her and see if your "apology" will trigger her to want to be with you.  It's very transparent. 

Give yourself closure by acting with respect toward someone you are no longer dating.  What she felt in the past is irrelevant.  She is showing you by her actions she does not want to be with you.  Accept that.  It's hard but texting her shows manipulation/hiding behind a screen/ulterior motives -not respectful, not a good look for you.  

[Izac1789]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I wouldn't play mind games with yourself about closure to justify you reaching out to her.  She will give herself closure and perhaps already has.  I thought you already apologized and texting to her about her sex life etc even if an "apology" is lame. It's not an apology.  It's an excuse to contact her and see if your "apology" will trigger her to want to be with you.  It's very transparent. 

Give yourself closure by acting with respect toward someone you are no longer dating.  What she felt in the past is irrelevant.  She is showing you by her actions she does not want to be with you.  Accept that.  It's hard but texting her shows manipulation/hiding behind a screen/ulterior motives -not respectful, not a good look for you.  

Thanks for the response. I meant for her to give closure to me rather than the other way around. Still finding it hard to let go, but I agree with your points made - I certainly won’t contact her, I am glad I posted again as I didn’t see it that way. 

[Rose Mosse]

Izac, you are spiralling. Stop. When a relationship ends you stop. Stop needing, stop daydreaming, stop clinging to any idea that what the other person says or thinks matters anymore. You are looking for validation from her and letting your curiosity run amok. Not only is that coming across as controlling, it’s also creepy. Be good to yourself and stop needing to apologize. This is not about apologizing and it’s you using it as an excuse to stay in contact with someone. 

Nip this strange curiosity and unchecked rumination and obsession. See your doctor if you continue to struggle with obsessive thoughts like this. What you’re doing is very inappropriate. Stop here.

[Izac1789]

3 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Izac, you are spiralling. Stop. When a relationship ends you stop. Stop needing, stop daydreaming, stop clinging to any idea that what the other person says or thinks matters anymore. You are looking for validation from her and letting your curiosity run amok. Not only is that coming across as controlling, it’s also creepy. Be good to yourself and stop needing to apologize. This is not about apologizing and it’s you using it as an excuse to stay in contact with someone. 

Nip this strange curiosity and unchecked rumination and obsession. See your doctor if you continue to struggle with obsessive thoughts like this. What you’re doing is very inappropriate. Stop here.

Thanks for the complete honesty - I appreciate it. I’m so glad I posted on here again, I’ll be sure to stop here. Thanks 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, Izac1789 said:

I’ll be sure to stop here.

I think that's for the best. 

Because ask yourself how you would feel if you reached out, only to discover she's gone silent because she's been in touch with the same guy she slept with? It's possible her attention is being diverted elsewhere now, OP. 

[Izac1789]

14 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I think that's for the best. 

Because ask yourself how you would feel if you reached out, only to discover she's gone silent because she's been in touch with the same guy she slept with? It's possible her attention is being diverted elsewhere now, OP. 

That’s very true, I’m not quite sure what I was thinking considering contacting again. Thanks a lot for the replies, it’s helped me to see things much clearer