Would you consider still dating this guy?

[turtle3]

Thank you guys, I will move on. One disappointment after another, really he was about he wants relationship, but then my mother had surgery, father finished in covid intensive care, he just avoided to talk about it with me, then those porblems with condoms...he was 0 support in any problem. He just wanted good sides to enjoy, telling me all the time he is there for me. I feel so stupid. Thank you guys for this forum. It feels good even to write and get support and help.

[Caesar45]

On 1/17/2022 at 1:43 AM, turtle3 said:

Hello dear people,

I started dating one guy 1 month ago, he is insisting on sex a lot, and I was thinking ok we just started, he is excited, but last week he finished inside of me and condom broke and this week he bought bigger size than he needed obviously and condom went inside of me during sex!!!It was night and in the morning when we woke up, I went to hospital alone, spent there about 4 hours until doctor came to take it out, it was also very painful and he didn't even offer to come with me.

I wrote him that it would be nicer that he came with me, and he said that he feels useless now and bad, but he is supporting me?!?!?!?I was so embarrassed having to explain it to medical personnel and I had to explain to many of them. I am really sad. It seems he just does not care. Other than that he is really loving and caring and I feel so betrayed.

Wow girl he is really rude he should have come with you or maybe be more careful during sex not to put you in this situation.

Look I am a men too and I know that sometimes we go crazy during sex its like we were taken over by some other force. But this does not means I lose control of anything I still know when to slow down and even stop. For me a sex can be considered good only both sides enjoy it and thats it.

He looks like a men who only cares about his pleasure and his actions outside this event (he is kind charming) well its mostly for putting you into bed to feed his sex monster again.

Do not fall for it this is only going to bring you more trouble.

[turtle3]

Thank you Caesar45,

I think that he is just inexperienced. He told me that his last real relationship was 10 years ago. He insisted on long sex, I guess he was trying to show he can do it long, that is why the condom broke at the end and fell off inside of me next time.

I miss other things he was having, today I almost wrote him, I know how stupid it sounds after all. I will not. He is not mature enough I guess. I also understand that he was maybe shamed to go with me to the hospital. But on the other side, he has a car, I don't, I had to change 3 trains to reach the hospital and he knew that. At least he could have just dropped me there. He said both times when the condom broke and when the condom went inside of you, you sounded too confident and I didn't know that you were so scared...

I don't know, other than that he was an amazing and good guy, I couldn't imagine that he will act like that. I never had such a caring boyfriend for other things. He didn't do anything on purpose, but this just shows I would not be able to rely on him for anything serious in life. I am not angry anymore, now I am sad.

[Caesar45]

Firs of all your health I hope you are well because you just had a problem about your special body parts and a small operation so last thing you need now is another crazy sex action. 

Your health must come first remember if you meet him you may find yourself in a sex situation again and I am not expert in this area but as a 33 male I can guess that your body needs some time to heal and if not your mental health also needs time to calm down.

Take it slow and observe how he behaves. Also dont get me wrong but this is not about beign not experienced. I had my first sex when I was 17 and now I am 33 so I had plently of them already. The story you told me is kinda insane I have never experienced anything like this for 16 years of my love life even when I am between 17-25 or even in my first couple sex experiences.

Please dont try to find excuses for him and take it slow. Just meet him outside and talk to him about this and see how he responds you gonna get your answers from him then.

[turtle3]

Thank you Caesar45,

No, I will not find excuses for him, we don't even talk anymore. When I told him how I feel that he left me alone with the problem, he was first blah blah and said ok take your time and let me know later how do you feel that we try again, since it was nice blah blah...so he already gave respond.

I think that problem was that he had a bigger size condom than he needed. If there is such a thing bigger size? I always taught it is one size and then it fits any size. Because later he said next time I will check the size properly when I am buying condoms. And then I said what next time?!?!?!? I don't know how come he didn't feel, you say you can feel it, no idea. 

Luckily it wasn't surgery, I had to sit like when going to a regular check-up and the doctor saw it immediately and took it out with scissors. But you are right, mental health will take a longer time for recovery, my brain still didn't connect that he is not what I taught. 

[EitherDare0]

This guy knowingly got a condom stuck up in you, and he left you to go by yourself?

Wow.... that answer is obvious, just hard to hear. That's a ***ty person.

I've had established FWBs who I was considerate to far more than this guy who supposedly wants to be with you exclusively. Ditch that man.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately you're completely incompatible. 

He could have been more caring. Rough sex with someone who is clumsy with condoms isn't a good idea.

Retrieving lost condoms isn't a medical emergency. A prompt visit to your gyn the next day would have been a better idea.

He could have given you a ride to the doctor the next day, but ultimately your sexual health is your responsibility.

He seems like a jerk either way, but most casual dates don't go to gyn appointments together.

[boltnrun]

You do need to have a condom removed right away. Those of us with vaginas know it's very unhealthy to leave a foreign object lodged in there, particularly when it has someone else's bodily fluids inside of it.

I had it happen once and I was able to remove it myself. But if you couldn't, then yes, an ER visit is called for.

And no, I wouldn't continue dating this guy. Unless your goal is to have casual sex with someone who doesn't have feelings for you.

[Wiseman2]

A visit to a clinic or Gyn the next day/asap is more appropriate, because STD testing, emergency contraception etc. can be administered. 

[turtle3]

Guys,

Thanks again, yes it is better to take out condom as soon as possible. I wasn't able to take it out alone. It went all the way to cervix, as doctor told me. I didn't go immediately, it stayed inside of me whole Saturday night and Sunday afternoon doctor took it out. It was Sunday, this is why I went to emergency, regular doctors don't work. 

And yes, the guy is total jerk. Now when it has been a week, my brain thinks more rational. He was loving and caring when we were together, but to get sex.

[EitherDare0]

This is cruel and you probably should not actually do it.

 

But honestly he was such an arse. it would be kind of funny if you briefly screwed with him and told him the lodged condom must have contained semen bc you're now pregnant

Hahaha don't actually do that, he would deserve it though. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, turtle3 said:

 It was Sunday, this is why I went to emergency, regular doctors don't work. 

He was loving and caring when we were together, but to get sex.

Hopefully you delete and block him. And hopefully you will get STD testing and aren't pregnant.

Glad you are feeling better and in hindsight see what a heel he was.

Perhaps in the future, try to avoid sex until you're exclusive, both tested and have reliable contraception so broken condoms aren't an issue again.

 

[Ayanokōji]

On 1/17/2022 at 11:43 AM, turtle3 said:

Hello dear people,

I wrote him that it would be nicer that he came with me, and he said that he feels useless now and bad, but he is supporting me?!?!?!?I was so embarrassed having to explain it to medical personnel and I had to explain to many of them. I am really sad. It seems he just does not care. Other than that he is really loving and caring and I feel so betrayed.

He shoulda came with u if u requested it coz it's his fault. Make him do stuff for u and c if hes willing or if hes lazy af and just there for sex.

[turtle3]

Guys,yesterday I received that insurance does not want to cover taking out condom and I had to pay 70 euro for that. Not to mention that I am jobless for more that one year. And he is not even asking anything anymore. I am such an idot how careless men I am chosing!

I just needed to write it here, since I have noone to talk about. 

[boltnrun]

8 minutes ago, turtle3 said:

Guys,yesterday I received that insurance does not want to cover taking out condom and I had to pay 70 euro for that. Not to mention that I am jobless for more that one year. And he is not even asking anything anymore. I am such an idot how careless men I am chosing!

I just needed to write it here, since I have noone to talk about. 

You can stop right now.  No more men who don't meet your standards.

I don't know how things are in your country, but in the US there are many job openings.  The businesses can't find enough people to work.  I hope you're able to find something soon.

And forget that guy!  You know he's no good.

[turtle3]

No, I am Serbian, there are no jobs, I went to Germany to study for a master's and this guy was german. I am again angry how everything ended on me to handle. 

 

[1a1a]

It’s a small thing but I’m glad you were able to take care of yourself, even if you were left with an expensive bill (it can be paid off in instalments hopefully?)

 

At the end of the day, the one person you can count on is you! And you didn’t let yourself down (well, maybe, ignoring your gut feeling on this last boy for a little while but that’s forgivable and you can commit to acting on your gut feelings sooner next time.) Point is, you were able to take care of your health and I think that’s a very good thing. 
 

And since then you did ditch this boy which is a good exercise in honing your picker. Next time will be more efficient again. 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, turtle3 said:

 I received that insurance does not want to cover taking out condom and I had to pay 70 euro for that. 

Sorry this is happening. Does your insurance cover regular doctor bills?

Make an appointment with a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. It's important to follow up with regular healthcare.

Discuss reliable contraception and STD testing. 

Did you break up with him?

 

[turtle3]

1a1a and Wiseman2, thank you so much for your support, yes I can only rely on myself and I know to take care of myself ❤️ it is cheap actually when I think about what bigger troubles I could get.

I did Tests for STD and all, that is covered with insurance, all is good, I am clear. And no, we are not in touch since the day it happened, I came back home angry, called him and we argued and since that day he didn't even try to meet me, he was just writing me texts about how I broke his heart 😡 and how stupid I am, I considered to go back to him...

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, turtle3 said:

he was just writing me texts about how I broke his heart 😡 and how stupid I am, I considered to go back to him...

Good you ended it. You dodged a bullet. He seems like a creep.

[Tanzi]

There are NO excuses for insisting on sex.

He is nice to you because it gets him sex but he has no idea how to really treat you.

This has disaster written all over his giant sized condom!

[Rose Mosse]

19 hours ago, turtle3 said:

Guys,yesterday I received that insurance does not want to cover taking out condom and I had to pay 70 euro for that. Not to mention that I am jobless for more that one year. And he is not even asking anything anymore. I am such an idot how careless men I am chosing!

I just needed to write it here, since I have noone to talk about. 

I know you’re venting. Put this behind you. We can only learn from our mistakes and live better from those lessons. 

[turtle3]

Thank you guys a lot lot lot ❤️ yes I am venting and complaining here, it feels better 🙈 Thank you guys, I should move on, I learned my lesson...

[Rose Mosse]

6 hours ago, turtle3 said:

Thank you guys a lot lot lot ❤️ yes I am venting and complaining here, it feels better 🙈 Thank you guys, I should move on, I learned my lesson...

Vent any time. Yes, get rid of. He’s a nobody actually. Be with the good people you trust and love. Enjoy peace and joy in your life.