Would you consider still dating this guy?

[turtle3]

Hello dear people,

I started dating one guy 1 month ago, he is insisting on sex a lot, and I was thinking ok we just started, he is excited, but last week he finished inside of me and condom broke and this week he bought bigger size than he needed obviously and condom went inside of me during sex!!!It was night and in the morning when we woke up, I went to hospital alone, spent there about 4 hours until doctor came to take it out, it was also very painful and he didn't even offer to come with me.

I wrote him that it would be nicer that he came with me, and he said that he feels useless now and bad, but he is supporting me?!?!?!?I was so embarrassed having to explain it to medical personnel and I had to explain to many of them. I am really sad. It seems he just does not care. Other than that he is really loving and caring and I feel so betrayed.

Edited January 16 by turtle3

[waffle]

Anyone who "insists" on sex is a hard No for me.

I'm confused though.  You say he seems not to care but other than that he is really loving and caring.  So which is it?

Whether or not anyone here would continue dating him isn't really the issue.  The issue is, are you willing to, and if so . . . why?? 😟

[turtle3]

Uf you are right. I mean he really tried hard and was romantic when we just started, little things, we go for a walk, he brings tea for both of us to drink, then I had birthday, he made very nice gift, when we are together he is asking if it is too cold to me, he bought pijama when I come to him to have, we cooked together many times,every day we talked a lot, shared problems, I taught this sex thing it is bcs we just started. 

But this thing today that happened and he let me totally alone really made me feel very very bad.

[Batya33]

I'm not sure how after only a month you've determined he is a caring person to you -most people can be "caring" in that short a time especially if there is a lot of sex involved.  It sounds like you were looking to play house in a sort of insta-relationship way and he ticked all the boxes of Mr. Right on Paper and the sex was good. Then after only a month you have a medical issue -which he is involved in - and he goes MIA? So yes he's good at the "romance" but the nitty gritty being there for  you -not so much. Is the sex that good?

[turtle3]

you are right, I feel like stupid idiot

[catfeeder]

2 hours ago, turtle3 said:

I started dating one guy 1 month ago, he is insisting on sex a lot,

This is where I would have stopped dating him.

In my book, dating is for getting to know someone as a human being first, and then learning from there where I stand with him--and where I WANT to stand with him.

Reconsider sleeping first, asking questions later.

Reverse that, and only sleep with someone who you get to know long enough and well enough to feel GOOD about, and who is willing to date you without pressuring you for sex.

Allow bad matches to pass early.

[boltnrun]

Is it possible you're pregnant? Have the two of you discussed what you would do if you are pregnant?

Have you been tested for STDs? Has he?

[1a1a]

I think I’d pass after he left me to go to the hospital alone. (Also in future be more wary of pushy men, someone who wants your mind and your heart will not risk scaring you away by pushing for sex in my experience. It’s a good tell once you know what you’re looking for).

Dont feel stupid, dating is a learning process, you’ve learnt more now. 

[Lambert]

I think you should listen to your feelings.  You feel betrayed, unsupported and let down. 

Don't sweep these things under the rug and continue on like nothing is wrong.  Sit with these feelings and take your time to decide how you feel.  if that means you don't have sex with him for awhile or you don't see him for awhile then so be it. 

You see you can and will take care of yourself when you need to.  I'm sorry you had to go through that.

He had the chance to show you he cared.  And what did he choose to do?  He let you handle it alone.

To me that's not a good boyfriend and I would not depend on him again. So what's the point of dating him?  He's nothing special. those nice things he did are easy.  Anyone can enjoy the good times.  This situation showed his true colors.

Dump him.

[melancholy123]

To answer your question - NO I would not date him again.  He doesn't appear to give a sh1t about you.  He's looking to get laid.  End of sentence. 

[Rose Mosse]

There are bigger worries than whether to date him (it’s a resounding no by the way). 

Please get tested for STDs. There’s also a possibility of pregnancy so see your doctor if you have questions and need advice on when to test. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, turtle3 said:

, but last week he finished inside of me and condom broke and this week he bought bigger size than he needed obviously and condom went inside of me during sex.

You're dating for 30 days. He doesn't care about you. He just wants sex.

End it. Anyone who pressures you for sex is just using you.

You're having unprotected sex. You need to see your physician for STD testing and contraception advice.

You're taking too many risks with your health. He is not your BF, are you exclusive? 

[smackie9]

It's only been a month....hardly any time to be committed. You two are just having sex, with very little in between. I can understand he was too embarrassed to go face a doctor and say he was responsible for jamming that condom in you. He's immature is all. You might want to choose a little better in who you date. This just goes to show you he ain't in it for the long haul he's just in it for sex. remember guys will do and say anything to get sex. So what if he shows he is loving or caring...it could just be an act. 

[turtle3]

Thank you smackie9,Lambert and all good people, I was just too sad yesterday, have no one to talk. I wanted to be happy and opened myself after more that two years of no dating. Yes he is immature and he is 37 years old. I wanted to enjoy and I felt good with him, but how he left me alone really made me feel super bad to go through taking out condom alone.

I am not pregnant, I did test and I got period today. I will check std for sure. And yes, when condom broke he just said" maybe you can take pill". So no, we didn't really spoke about it...

 

Edited January 17 by turtle3

[Lambert]

3 minutes ago, turtle3 said:

I wanted to be happy and opened myself after more that two years of no dating.

I totally get this.  I've been single for a while and it's not because I can't get a man.  It's because I can't accept less just because I have none.  if you get what I'm saying.  

It's much better for you to enjoy your own company. Than to find yourself sad, alone, embarrassed, scared, all those emotions over a guy that didn't give a crap. 

Take care of yourself girlfriend 💕 You will find a good guy, but you can't make one.  Nothing you do will change who a person already is.  

And don't feel bad.  I learned this late and the hard way, too. No shame in it. You want love and you will find it.  It's time to make better choices. hang in there! 

[reinventmyself]

Agreed he's being insensitive and pretty jerky.  But one month, you've hardly scratched the surface getting to know each other and establishing a foundation of a relationship where you rely on this guy.  

The minimally decent thing to do was to be there for you. But at the same time without that foundation to rely on, you take that chance to having not much more than someone who primary interest was having sex and not being that supportive partner to you.

Next time consider taking your time getting to know someone before having sex with them.  You will learn about their character first. You might have discovered these things about him before you find yourself in this situation.

. . unless you are up for casual, no strings attached sex.  Nothing wrong with that.  But accept that no strings may also mean no support when need it most.

 

Edited January 18 by reinventmyself

[turtle3]

22 hours ago, Lambert said:

I totally get this.  I've been single for a while and it's not because I can't get a man.  It's because I can't accept less just because I have none.  if you get what I'm saying. 

I totally understand you Lambert, yes this is why I was for so long single. Yes, it is better to wait until someone good comes, but I am also 36 and would like finally to have good partner and family. 

Thank you reinventyourself too, I don't know why, but every guy I have ever met was always pushing me for sex in the beginning. Some more, some less, but this time to get to know each other well with men does not exist. There is some time, but it is short, they don't like to wait too long.

[boltnrun]

Just now, turtle3 said:

this time to get to know each other well with men does not exist. There is some time, but it is short, they don't like to wait too long.

They do exist. You just have to hold out for the right one.

[turtle3]

4 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

They do exist. You just have to hold out for the right one.

I hope that you are right.

[Lambert]

16 minutes ago, turtle3 said:

Yes this is why I was for so long single. Yes, it is better to wait until someone good comes, but I am also 36 and would like finally to have good partner and family. 

be careful turtle... this reeks of desperation and desperate people make bad choices.

Just because you're ready, doesn't make the other person any more ready than they already are.  Again, you can't love someone enough to change them. It just not how it works. 

not all men are just after sex.  

Did you ever think you keep attracting these types because you keep tolerating them? 

You raise your standards and they raise to it. Not a low bar eventually gets risen.  When you first meet, that's when they are at their best.

Yes, you may have less men when you're standards are high but you don't need a ton of loser guys. Just one good one. 

[boltnrun]

24 minutes ago, turtle3 said:

I hope that you are right.

The longer you keep attaching yourself to these bad eggs the longer it will take to find a good one.

Start a new goal to dismiss those who do not meet your moral standards immediately. 

[Batya33]

Many people are impatient for lots of things and people who care will wait and be patient if their partner wants to wait and has reasons that make sense for doing so.  I typically waited months.  I met men who felt the same about waiting to have intercourse despite having the desire for it.

[turtle3]

Thank you guys.  This guy is now sick and can not go to work, since I told him I don't want to continue like that anymore. He really taught that I will continue like nothing happened, he was surprised...No comment

[Rose Mosse]

8 hours ago, turtle3 said:

Thank you guys.  This guy is now sick and can not go to work, since I told him I don't want to continue like that anymore. He really taught that I will continue like nothing happened, he was surprised...No comment

That’s fine. He can be surprised alone.
 

You’ve just freed yourself up to find better company.

There’s no need to stay in contact anymore. Remove him from your social media also and move on. 

[MissCanuck]

No way, I would be done with this guy. 

Filter out the bad apples earlier on, OP. His insistence on sex was your red flag.