Am I wrong?

[rchubn]

My dad has about 16 kids. Yes, 16. 

I decided I didn't want a relationship with him (he was estranged for 15 yrs) and my sister is mad at me for saying my dad has enough kids and that doesn't "need" a relationship with me. 

He has sixteen children. Why would it matter if I didn't have a relationship with him when he has a BUNCH of children. Its one child out of the sixteen. He has 15 other children to have a relationship with, not counting his step kids.  

 

Am I in the wrong here? She is really mad at me for saying this but this is logical. I don't understand why she is so mad? 

[rchubn]

Edit: she told me my father is crying and upset about this. However I'm having a really hard time understanding why. He has 15 wonderful children to have a relationship with, why does he need a relationship with me? 15 children should be enough. He has been estranged from me for 15 years and suddenly now wants to have a relationship. I tried. I really did but the whole situation makes me uncomfortable. Now I feel like they're trying to make me feel guilty. 

[1a1a]

I feel like if he wanted a relationship with you he would have been present and available to you for the last 15 years. This is very very suspicious that he’s upset now. My 2 cents, he doesn’t know a single thing about you and it’s just his pride that’s bruised by your rejection. All about him, stay your course, don’t invest any more energy in people who don’t invest in you. 

[Rose Mosse]

Thank her for the concern and move on. Your sister and you are separate entities with your separate opinions.

If you are not ready to have a relationship with your father, don’t force yourself to.

Instead invest in some therapy so you lighten your load and resolve any issues you have from your childhood. It’s your relationship with yourself that needs fixing first. 

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

Thank her for the concern and move on. Your sister and you are separate entities with your separate opinions.

If you are not ready to have a relationship with your father, don’t force yourself to.

Instead invest in some therapy so you lighten your load and resolve any issues you have from your childhood. It’s your relationship with yourself that needs fixing first. 

I agree.  Nothing to do with how many kids he has - I just don't think it makes any sense.  A parent is a parent.  My mom has 5 grandchildren and 5 great grand children -ten in all - I'd never ever tell her if one of them didn't feel close to her "why are you upset -you still have the other 9!".  If you had 16 good friends and one of them rejected you would you feel fine since you have a bunch more?  But yes Rose's advice is so sound and helpful.  I agree!

[smackie9]

Tell your sister in good time you will make another attempt to have a relationship of some kind with your father, but not right now. You are not ready,  you are still working through your emotions.

I suggest you tell your sister to not bring it up and to let you figure this out on your own. And don't make anymore silly comments about he has enough kids to get attention from. That's pretty cold. Keep things simple, let everyone know you just need some space to think about it and to respect your decision.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, rchubn said:

I don't understand why she is so mad? 

You're right to cut toxic people out of your life.  Distance yourself from this guilt-tripping sister. You're an adult, have relationships with people you choose.

[melancholy123]

You can have a relationship with whoever you choose, it's not up to your sister.  Tell her you dont want to talk about this again.  You need to do what works for you.

[catfeeder]

I'd tell sister that pressure from her only makes me want to resist more, not less, and she's welcome to speak with you about anything else in the world, but this topic is off limits.

Rinse, repeat as necessary unless you feel a need to shut her down, too.

Then stop taking her calls until she agrees via text to respect your limits.