Online dating - why does nobody ask questions?

[Jibralta]

On 1/13/2022 at 3:49 AM, Wiseman2 said:

Most sites have done away with questionnaires and moved towards the Tinder model.

I don't know anything bout the Tinder model, except that there's swiping involved. But I'm not surprised they've done away with the questionnaires. There's a big difference between 'on paper' and 'in reality.' But I think I would want at least some Q&A element, though. Does tinder have no questions at all?

[Wiseman2]

Some questions are loaded so people may just be trying to converse instead. For example in real life would anyone ever walk up to someone and ask "what kind of car do you drive?"

[Kwothe28]

35 minutes ago, Jibralta said:

Does tinder have no questions at all?

Once in a blue moon(for example for Halloween) they offer you some very basic ones (are you afraid of a)ghosts b)vampires c) zombies etc) and you get some matches based on that. But other then that, no. Most profiles doesnt even have basic info about the person now, just photos. 

[Theonethatgotaway]

On 1/12/2022 at 9:28 AM, beatlesfan77 said:

I’m on a site right now and I’ve done the same thing as you when I have sent the first message to a woman I’m interested in. Ask them a question about something they wrote on their profile to get the ball rolling. In my situation I don’t get anything back. It’s like a game of tennis where I hit the ball over and then they just catch the ball and walk off. Makes me feel like why did I bother?

Totally get this. I try the same or to make a joke based on something they had in their profile. Absolutely silence, or a really cold reply. If I wanted a cold reply to a friendly question I'd just message my ex. :P

[WildPump]

Most of replys come after they see your profile pic and I am not being judgemental here. Finding a comon ground will be a tough nut to break. So strict screening must be done. You can never know in the early stagw what a guy is looking for sex, a friend or just something to share only. From the experience all I can say is keep looking, there are many platforms in the market. 

[Ayanokōji]

On 1/12/2022 at 9:05 AM, poorlittlefish said:

I'm trying online dating again, after a gap of a few years. I receive a lot of messages, but the pattern is almost always this:

The guy makes some kind of introduction. I reply and pick a shared interest to ask a question about. The guy answers my question, but asks nothing back. I try and continue once or twice more, but get fed up with the conversation consisting solely of me asking. 

Is it now the normal thing to just talk about yourself and ask nothing about the person you got in touch with? I have a variety of hobbies/interests etc on my profile, so I don't understand why they contact me if they're not interested in knowing anything? 

I can guarantee you that if you made a male profile and tried it from the perspective of men, it's 100x worse.

[Theonethatgotaway]

6 minutes ago, Ayanokōji said:

I can guarantee you that if you made a male profile and tried it from the perspective of men, it's 100x worse.

100% I spoke with ny ex from highschool. I had 1 like...she had 15,000....

[Ayanokōji]

1 minute ago, Theonethatgotaway said:

100% I spoke with ny ex from highschool. I had 1 like...she had 15,000....

Dating APPs have turned into;

1. External validation for girls that just wanna go on there to see how many likes she gets, attention and validation.

2. Social media influencers, sex workers and scammers/bots shilling their Instagrams, selling services or shilling some b.s financial investment opportunities.

3. A place where very attractive guys i.e top 10% go to try get easy sex.

4. A small percentage of people who actually are on there to find a relationship but you're going to have to siff through the 95% of the above 3 categories.

[Theonethatgotaway]

Just now, Ayanokōji said:

Dating APPs have turned into;

1. External validation for girls that just wanna go on there to see how many likes she gets, attention and validation.

2. Social media influencers, sex workers and scammers/bots shilling their Instagrams, selling services or shilling some b.s financial investment opportunities.

3. A place where very attractive guys i.e top 10% go to try get easy sex.

4. A small percentage of people who actually are on there to find a relationship but you're going to have to siff through the 95% of the above 3 categories.

Totally agree. They are not the way to fibd people. People come in to your life as tine allows. Unfortunately for me, not always the beat people lol.

[Theonethatgotaway]

19 minutes ago, Theonethatgotaway said:

Totally agree. They are not the way to fibd people. People come in to your life as tine allows. Unfortunately for me, not always the beat people lol.

Sorry for spelling, bit drunk lol

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Theonethatgotaway said:

Totally agree. They are not the way to fibd people. People come in to your life as tine allows. Unfortunately for me, not always the beat people lol.

I am so glad I didn't have that mindset because I believe in being proactive if the goal is a long term relationship.  No one was going to "come into my life" plus be the right person for marriage which was my personal goal.  I had to do what it took to put myself out there despite no guarantees.  I had to be selective and picky and proactive -but not desperate.  Huge difference.  I am 100% sure I would not be happily married now if I hadn't.

[Theonethatgotaway]

48 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I am so glad I didn't have that mindset because I believe in being proactive if the goal is a long term relationship.  No one was going to "come into my life" plus be the right person for marriage which was my personal goal.  I had to do what it took to put myself out there despite no guarantees.  I had to be selective and picky and proactive -but not desperate.  Huge difference.  I am 100% sure I would not be happily married now if I hadn't.

To be honest, you have a great point. I suppose being fresh out of a tough break up in which I wanted to marry my partner, and still am lingering on dreams of future reconciliation. 

My mind is not where yours is/has been and I know you have had great success. Now I think back on it, no they wont just come...because if you just do nothing, you wont meet anyone. 

Don't take my previous statement in to account, honestly think about what you want in a partner, your non-negotiables and then get out there in the world. People do not just come to you if you do nothing. Be your best you and find the person who works with you to be the best. Batya33 is so right, finding the right partner means being proactive.

[mical]

Unless you really love being asked questions, I wouldn’t worry so much about it - you can still have a great conversation and get to know someone just by having a playful / fun / deep / however you want it / conversation that just naturally flows…

You will get a feel for that person and they about you as well, which is probably more interesting anyways than engaging in an answer-question dialogue.

But I get you wanna know if he is genuinely interested in you and there does seem to be this concern among woman on dating apps that men look for only one thing! (Hence always seeing No ONS!! written in bios)

- actually going on a tangent, but I decided to do an experiment one day and put in my profile:  

“Sorry ladies, no ONS with this sexy guy!!” 🤣🤣🤣

And got some funny responses
 

I guess maybe look and see how engaged he is in the topic. If he gives one word answers and leaves messages on read for 3-6 hours, yeah that could be annoying….

[Superstickyone]

Some people on dating sites are simply bored and looking for distractions.  They hop like rabbits from one conversation to the next.  I've experienced the same. 

Or maybe your profile 🤔 wasn't appealing.  Don't take it personally, although I know it can be disheartening.

It's very time consuming and exhausting to sit at your computer for hours typing.  No real connection happens electronically. Too many flakes also.

I focus on meeting people at coffee shops, book stores, parks, community walks, gym, meetups and at libraries.

I ended up with a stiff neck, back and numb fingers while sitting at home for hours online.  

 

 

[poorlittlefish]

22 hours ago, Ayanokōji said:

Dating APPs have turned into;

1. External validation for girls that just wanna go on there to see how many likes she gets, attention and validation.

2. Social media influencers, sex workers and scammers/bots shilling their Instagrams, selling services or shilling some b.s financial investment opportunities.

3. A place where very attractive guys i.e top 10% go to try get easy sex.

4. A small percentage of people who actually are on there to find a relationship but you're going to have to siff through the 95% of the above 3 categories.

5. People in relationships already who will chat away, but come up with excuses as to why they can't meet.

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

5. People in relationships already who will chat away, but come up with excuses as to why they can't meet.

That's on you.  Because if you chat once or twice then have a phone call - and decide after your 15-20 minute max convo you think you'd enjoy meeting in person, raise that idea if he or she doesn't (sorry I forgot your gender/who you are looking for) - then if the person hesitates for other than legitimate reasons (sick/going out of town for two weeks) move on.  No need to waste your time with flaky excuses that way.  That's what I did (met over 100 men in person over a 5 year period).

[Jibralta]

4 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

5. People in relationships already who will chat away, but come up with excuses as to why they can't meet.

I agree with Batya on this. I learned this for myself quite inadvertently when chatting with a guy on OKCupid years ago. I had limited time, and that's what saved me. I was chatting with him for about a week. He seemed great and the correspondence might have gone on indefinitely. But because my schedule was packed, I offered to meet him briefly on my way to somewhere else. I figured kill two birds with one stone. Well, he begged out at the last minute. I decided, if it's important to him, he'll reschedule. Well, he didn't reach out to reschedule and I felt actual relief to have the extra time to myself. After that, I stopped the prolonged chatting and cut straight to the phone-call and meet-up. If they couldn't handle that, good! More time, less frustration for me!