I’m probably dumb

[Emtran]

Ok I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months now . It’s pretty serious because I’ve met his mom and brothers. This is my first serious relationship, I’m 25. I’ve never introduced anyone, No one in my family knows my dating history, but my mom knows about him and he met my sisters recently. Long story short, he works on a job site that is pretty limited on food options (subway, 7-Eleven , Food truck, and Publix). He loves subway and has been going there. One day during his lunch I was on the phone with him, and apparently one of the female workers was flirting with him . She whispered something to her coworker and her coworker says “ girl, he’s probably on the phone with his girlfriend” . He laughs it off and leaves the store. The next day he goes back during his lunch and the girl isn’t there but her coworker is. He tells me on the phone later (because I asked him if he went to subway and saw the girl) he asked her coworker what the girl had said the day before . At the time I didn’t say anything because I thought maybe I would be overreacting. But the more I’ve thought about it, I don’t understand why he needed to know . Like why did you ask? Was it bothering you that much? I just don’t think he thought about me in that moment and maybe how I’d feel . Would he like it if I did that? I don’t entertain that kind of attention . I don’t know , I also feel that if he wasn’t attracted to her, He wouldn’t have asked about it the day after. Am I over analyzing ? Overreacting? ive had guys hit on me but Each time I’ve thought of him And ignored their advances . Idk, do I sound crazy? I’ve been contemplating ending our relationship.

[MissCanuck]

It seems he was flattered by thinking another woman might be attracted to him. 

I wouldn't have followed up by asking the coworker the next day either, and I would not be too impressed if my partner did the same. But given that he told you about it, it strikes me more as a clumsy and inexperienced goof-up on his part, rather than a solid interest in this woman. 

If everything else has been okay in the relationship, I don't see it as a dumpworthy offense. But perhaps keep an eye on how he responds to this sort of thing, and whether or not he encourages attention from other women. 

[Jibralta]

5 hours ago, Emtran said:

I also feel that if he wasn’t attracted to her, He wouldn’t have asked about it the day after. Am I over analyzing ? Overreacting?

Hmmm... that would definitely get my guard up. But I'm not 25 anymore. I see things differently now.

Like MissCanuck says, it could be clumsiness on his part. But what is he thinking? I know that if someone makes an unwelcome advance towards me, I blow it off. I definitely don't follow up on it! And if I had other options for lunch, I'd probably skip this one for a couple of days.

It doesn't necessarily mean he's looking to cheat on you, but why leave a door like that open, you know? It would definitely make me think. But as I mentioned, I'm well out of my 20s now and curiosity has been replaced with experience.

One other thing: I don't think meeting his parents automatically means that you're in a serious relationship. I know that you don't introduce boyfriends to your family, but that doesn't mean it's a big thing for him. I introduced lots of guys to my family without any intention of making things 'serious.' (which is probably why my cousin greeted my boyfriend with "You're still here!" during the second Christmas Eve my boyfriend attended lol. Boyfriend was a little startled by that lol).

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Emtran said:

  I just don’t think he thought about me in that moment and maybe how I’d feel .

Why is he on the phone with you while he's doing something else?

If you're an afterthought in his mind and he's this rude, 28 weeks dating is a good time to observe this.

If he can't make the time to talk to you or see you then why bother?

If he's only calling you because he's bored waiting to get lunch, that's the real issue.

28 weeks dating is not "serious". It's the time to observe rude, immature and jerk behaviors like this and decide if you want to continue.

How old is he? If he can't dedicate a few moments to talk to you one on one and has to multitask by giving you halfassed attention, just hang up. Tell him "call me when you're not so busy".

 

[Rose Mosse]

If you’re no longer attracted, let him go. 

[lostandhurt]

I have an idea.  Why don't you talk to him about what he did and how it made you feel and then see what he says and does?

 Going straight to breaking up seems a little extreme without at least talking about it.  Guys do stupid stuff and young guys usually do stupid stuff times 2 so give him a chance to recognize he messed up and apologize.  If he blows you and your feelings off then you can move to more extreme measures.

Lost

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, lostandhurt said:

I have an idea.  Why don't you talk to him about what he did and how it made you feel and then see what he says and does?

 Going straight to breaking up seems a little extreme without at least talking about it.  Guys do stupid stuff and young guys usually do stupid stuff times 2 so give him a chance to recognize he messed up and apologize.  If he blows you and your feelings off then you can move to more extreme measures.

Lost

Yes and be careful to use I statements not accusing him "I felt ___ when you told me ___ about that girl"

[moodindigo91]

Interesting. It's hard to say really bc none of us were there but honestly if someone had whispered something to someone else that was clearly about me based on the reaction of the recipient, I would be interested in knowing what was said. Could be just that kind of curiosity. Bc it doesn't sound like she came onto him directly or even impliedly (or am I just misreading?). Whispering to a third party doesn't exactly scream flirting to me.