Progression, does it really matter?

[JANDERSON]

I know not every relationship is the same and everyone moves on their own timeline.

I have been dating a wonderful man for 3 months. Things have moved quickly for a few reasons. We met years ago, he was a customer at a restaurant I worked at. Somehow I found him on Instagram and we kept in contact sporadically throughout the years. We never got together despite his multiple attempts to hang out with me. He’s 29 and I’m 33. At the time we met, he was 25 and I was just leaving my marriage. We kept the conversation friendly but I wasn’t interested mainly due to the age gap which know I realize is really insignificant. 
 

A few months ago I saw him on Instagram after not having seen him on there for months. I reached out, saying wow you’re back! And he wanted to hang out that evening but I had plans the next day to leave town so I declined. He asked if we could meet at the park the following weekend and let the kids play. His son is 7 and my daughter is almost 6. They had never met and I hadn’t seen him in years so I figured there was no harm, we were just friends. What turned into a park play date ended up in us taking our kids to another park, then to ice cream, and we spent close to 7 hours together that day. My boyfriend and I have been somewhat inseparable since. He works two jobs, I work and I’m starting nursing school, but we make ample time for each other. Our children adore each other as well but definitely have their moments where they butt heads as most children do at that age. 
 

He has never brought his son around a female that he was dating. My daughter has met an ex of mine but we were also friends prior so it was no big deal. My daughter absolutely adores my boyfriend and he is great with her. I feel like when we are together we are all like a little family. In fact, we have a family trip planned in the next few months. Our first one!

I am hard on myself always, and feel like maybe I am moving too fast but it just feels right. We are on the same page and have the same goals in a relationship. I have been through the ringer with men and this just feels like what I’ve deserved and been waiting for. 
 

He has voiced that he wants us to live together when our leases are up, we will have been together over a year at that point. Today he made a comment about how it feels like we live together, even though we don’t, and said something about “soon though”

I guess what I’m wondering is, has anyone else moved at a fast pace like this and had it work out? So far everything is great. We are still learning each other and I’ve definitely seen him moody as he has seen me in a few different emotional states. I know we have a lot to experience together, but I just would love to hear success stories from other people who have been in a similar situation.

if you made it this far, thank you 

[SooSad33]

Sounds good if you find this is progressing okay... and yes, you will come to find out plenty enough of how he rolls over the next year.. and he will learn more about you and yours.

Make note though, it is always 'great in the beginning', it;s the honeymoon phase... So, try not to over do things too much. eg, do continue to do your own things & have your own life, outside the relationship. Sadly, many do this, they get too caught up in all the excitement and push other important things away 😕 .

Not sure how much you really know about him? Like, how long have you both been on your own?  Out of a relationship ( just wondering, since you both have younger kids from a previous relationship - and are things fine at his end re: the little one's mom?).

Like I mentioned, this is all new for both of you ( being only 3 months) and you hardly really know each other too well.. yet, right?  So, expect things to change up a bit in time. And for a relationship to be successful, you need communication, respect, trust and it will draw some of your energy & expectations.

Anyways, you will come to see in time IF you are truly compatible.  But, think of yourself & child in all of this too.  Sure, your's now has a new playmate, but it's new for them too. So, be easy on them.  They will always need mom.  ( Often a couple introduces their new partner to the kids too quickly, then things end 😕 .. and if you do this too much to your child, it will affect them as well, in the end).. Not just having to work on the effects of mom & dad no longer being together, but suddenly mom has another 'new friend'.. Just something to think on. 

[JANDERSON]

Thank you! He has been single for quite some time. I think the mother of his child and him have been apart for somewhere like 5-6 years. My ex husband and I have been apart for almost 5 years but I have dated since then. I’ve definitely had my fair share of heartbreak in the last few years but that was largely due to my choices of men. 

I actually just met his ex this weekend which was a first for me, as well as her husband. It was quick and cordial while we went to pick up his son this weekend. It was also a first for my boyfriend, to introduce someone to his ex as he hasn’t dated seriously a whole lot. 
 

We don’t know each other extremely well but we have been acquaintances for close to 7 years, so I don’t feel like he’s a stranger. This is all so new to me, even though I was married. I’m just hoping for the best!

[SooSad33]

Okay, so both have been apart from your ex's a decent amt of time.

But, just like you and most likely him, have been involved with others a number of times - which is often how it goes. ( which is why I emphasize to always think of your child(ren) in all of this).

Yes, has been 3 months so far and so far, so good. 🙂 

But, has only been a short while. You have no idea how he is as an actual 'partner', especially long term. IMO, has nothing really to do with how long you've known him.  I've gotten involved with 'past friends' but it ended up they were not to my expectations as partners in a relationship, lol.

 

I am just saying to take it easy, as it is all quite new and you do have yourself and your child to think of in this. So, make sure you do spend your own time alone with her ( not always have him around). Because, no matter what you will always have her. ❤️  If possible, spend your own time with him ( more possibly w/out the kids all the time). eg. If both kids are with the other parent, great!

And just go with the flow.  Continue to get to know him and learn his ways.  See how things progress after another 3+ months, etc.  Don't feel rushed with high expectations ( re: his mention of moving in together...).

In time, you will see IF this continues to feel okay for you vice versa.

Keep us updated 😉 .

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, JANDERSON said:

He has voiced that he wants us to live together when our leases are up, we will have been together over a year at that point. Today he made a comment about how it feels like we live together, even though we don’t, and said something about “soon though'

Glad it's going well. Pace yourself and don't talk about moving in after reconnecting and dating just 12 weeks. Take your time.

[JANDERSON]

Thank you. I agree. He has been the one to bring it up but I think he also is less experienced in the relationship department so by no means do I fault him, but prior to my marriage and child, I lived with 3 of my boyfriends so I’m in no rush to shack up with anyone at all lol 

[indea08]

My husband is my younger brother’s best friend. We met when he was a freshman in high school, and I had just graduated the year prior. (2009)

He eventually asked me out in August of 2014, and at the time, he intended to join the marines. I had a daughter who had just turned 1 year old at the time. Because I was looking to settle down, we decided to try cramming a relationship in between then and his enlistment (3 months) and determine if we wanted to try and continue or call it quits.

Long story short, we fell in love, he decided not to enlist, and we have now been married for 5 years. We spent two years traveling the US as a family of three. He’s adopted my daughter, and we have a second daughter now. She’s two and she’s absolutely incredible. We are very happy. We learned how to be good partners to each other after we were already married.

See how the first real argument goes, that will tell you a lot. Pay attention to how you both handle reaching the resolution, because that’s important. After that, you know if this is someone you want by your side during life’s hardships.

Enjoy your relationship, it sounds quite wonderful, and fun.

[DancingFool]

Talking about things is not a commitment and that's something you need to keep in mind. All that's happening is great fun, but also should be taken with a big of a grain of salt as you him are literally in the throes of the honeymoon period where future talk is common, but also quite meaningless.

Whether this continues to work out or not, remains to be seen. So on that note, do enjoy, but also, keep at least one foot on the ground and don't get too caught up in the future talk. See how the trip goes, see how things continue as normal life kicks in and the excitement of the new relationship abates. See how things go when conflict inevitably arises. 

You have quite some time to learn more about each other before you need to make any decisions about living together. Also, if you start reaching that point and don't feel comfortable, don't want to live with him yet, address it then and be honest. Don't go against your better judgment and instincts. Don't fall for the idea that you already knew him because you really have no clue and what little you did know counts for nothing much. Only way to get to know who a person is to actually spend time with them in real life, date them and see. Intermittent social media contact doesn't count.

On that note, be sure that you do leave time for yourself, your hobbies, your friendships, family, etc. As exciting as it may be, don't spend all of your free time with him as that can become unhealthy.

Also, do pay careful attention to how he responds to you when you do assert some personal boundaries. Does he respect them or does he push back, disregard, get upset, sulk, or start guilt tripping and manipulating you. The fastest way to know if the man you are dating is genuine or if this whirlwind is bad news, is to assert boundaries and see how he reacts. You want a partner who not only respects you but who you can talk to and address issues with and come to a mutual happy consensus without drama.

[Jibralta]

1 hour ago, DancingFool said:

All that's happening is great fun, but also should be taken with a big of a grain of salt as you him are literally in the throes of the honeymoon period where future talk is common, but also quite meaningless.

I agree. It's easy to get carried away by feelings and lull yourself into the belief that you've know each other for years. But the truth is, you've only been sporadically acquainted for years. This is the time to heed those lingering doubts.

2 hours ago, JANDERSON said:

I ... feel like maybe I am moving too fast

1 hour ago, JANDERSON said:

I’ve definitely had my fair share of heartbreak in the last few years but that was largely due to my choices of men.

Take your time to get to know him more. Renew your respective leases. If he's truly in this for the long haul, he'll still be there in another year (or two), even if you're still living separately.

[Andrina]

Try to live in the present and have a realistic wait and see attitude. Unfortunately, nobody has a crystal ball to appease your nerves.

I'm in my 2nd marriage, and my husband and I were full on from the beginning, and we've been happily married 10 years.

I hope you can see nothing but green flags continue to wave. Just always know you're resilient and will handle whatever happens.

And similar to your situation, with a very small age gap, my husband is 3 years younger.

Have fun!