Good Looks vs. Average Looks - Does it impact contentment?

[ShySoul]

This means that a man who is attractive 99% of the time is going to achieve success in terms of attracting members of the opposite sex.

 

Who is he attracting? Is it the people he really wants to be attracting? Or is it some superficial golddigger? Sure, the so called more attractive people may get more attention, but that doesn't mean it gets them what they want, unless there only goal is the attention in which case its a matter of superficial being attracted to superficial.

 

And what about that 1% he isn't attractive? That goes to show that everyone has different tastes and everyone will be attractive to someone. So just accept who you look and stop worrying about it. Everyone is attractive in there own way, start waking up and realizing that. Once you do you will be awoken to a world of possiblities, hope, and all the rediculous notions that have held you back for so long will fall to the wayside. You'll be more attractive not because of looks, but because of your confidence, self esteem, openness, and outlook on life.

 

A woman's physiology says "if I'm going to have a baby, then I want the baby to have the best chances in life". So of course they will seek partners who are attractive (this means the baby will more likely be attractive too, thereforeeee more successful in life). Because of the way human society is constructed, factors such as power and money can also come into play. The woman on a subconscious level says "This man because of his wealth/and or power will be best for my yet to be born baby".

 

Ya, and then you can go talk to people who had very attractive, rich, powerful parents who paid more attention to being attractive, rich, and powerful then to their kids, and you see how the kids talk about what great parents they were and how they gave them the best chances in life (not!). Then look at the average families, those who never had status, never had much money, or never would be considered the beauty kings and queens. But what they did have was love and parents who were supportive and caring. That's going to be what encourages the kids to grow up into good people and help them lead successful lives.

 

I guess people are prepared to bend and compromise a lot for people who have looks/power/money.

 

Those who do are vain, superficial, golddiggers, and have no comprehension of what love is all about. They'll end up hurt and wondering what went wrong.

 

A better looking male would most likely have some private conversations with women wanting more than an online friendship. This would be true at this site as well as many other. I've learned to accept this as a fact of life. For all they hype about women being less concerned about a guy's looks and what's inside I've found that to be nothing more than a myth.

 

Either your running into superficial people, your demonstrating a lack in confidence you are not aware of, or you are underestimating the affect you really have on women. I know this from experience here. I have had plenty of women talking to me, on this site and in chat rooms. A few of them have liked me as more then an internet friendship. And that was never my goal. More amazing.... they start liking me based upon the words that I say, before they ever even see a picture. Your probably going to the wrong places. Dating sites is it? You'll end up getting a large number of superficial people there who use the internet as a chance to live out a fantasy, thinks to the anonymous nature of it all.

 

there is a girl at a party and two guys, me and Handsome Hunk #1 were interested in her, who gets the automatic bid? Even if Handsome Hunk #1 were dull and I made her laugh to no end, I have no shot. Or I can be the funny friend and HH#1 is the romantic interest. I would not blame her one bit though. That's life.

 

Self fullfilling prophecy. If you walk into the situation with that attitude, that is the result you will get. Instead of comparing yourself to the so called hunk, just focus on being the best you that you can be. Stay true to yourself. Realize that you are a hunk as well. And if she doesn't pick you, she's losing out. Feel sorry for her making such a big mistake.

 

Perfect example: On another site I had a contest where I posted my pic alongside 4 other guys.

 

It was a superficial site with superficial women. They are out there. There are also superficial guys. But Kyo, I know that there are plenty of women who would see you as attractive, handsome, and even sexy... if only you dropped the inferior attitude.

 

You have to be attracted to a person in some way if you want to take it a step further I guess, whether he/she is good looking naturally or if their personalities highlight their looks and give them attractive qualities. Not everyone is like this, but most people are than they admit.

 

And since everyone is attractive to somebody, why bother worrying about it. Kyo, you have plenty of great qualities in you. Any girl would be lucky just to be around you. But you don't realize it so your attitude sabotages any chance you have.

 

And more people don't care about appearance in the slightest then you realize. There just not as vocal about it since the superficial ones feel the need to let everyone know how they are.

[TIGRONETTE]

This post has been kinda highjacked so I don't know if you'll get to read my reply...anyway, here goes.

 

At first I was tempted to dismiss your post as a load of...but got thinking about my own history and the lives of my prettier friends.

 

I'm what you'd describe as attractive (and even gorgeous if people go for my particular type) and have a few friends that are real beauties (and anyone who claims not to know what that means and that real beauty comes from within is either a real hypocrite or living on some kind of higher level - which is great for them but that's NOT how the rest of the world thinks).

 

And surprisingly, everyone I'd class as v attractive is in your position OP.

 

So what can we learn from this. I think that in a society as obsessed by appearances as ours, being born attractive is a blessing and a curse at the same time. It's a curse as we become obsessed by our appearance which leads us to

 

1. Not make much of an effort to charm people. As you say in one post, good looking people make less of an effort on their personality, confidence, grooming etc as they figure they don't have to.

 

2. Develop a 'prince charming' syndrome. Because we think we can, we set our hopes way too high. As soon as you're with someone, you assume somebody better's going to come along, or get into really ambiguous friendships (I've definitely messed up a couple of relationships ibn this way).

 

3. Become totally self obsessed and think that however attractive you may be, it's never enough. Just one example, Saturday night, the third guy to hit on me of an evening, says to me, 'you haven't got regular features but you're a really pretty girl'. Now guess what part of that I remembered. That's right - 'you haven't got regular features' even though he pleaded with me not to leave him at the end of the evening and several times as well.

 

I think the best thing to do is take a more humble approach to this kind of thing. I'm working on it. Besides, in 5 or 6 years time I'll have started to age so this won't matter so much (and I'll surely regret not being attractive anymore).

[LuciaSeia]

Great Topic.

 

I will be the first to admit that being beautiful, inside and out, however cliche it sounds really is not easy. For one thing it has always been hard for me to have a group of girl friends, because even dressed comfortably with no makeup, I would get more attention than girls that had done their makeup and were scantily clad.

 

 

To top it off I am a vivid conversationalist and the times I am truly happy is during intellectual, or philosophical discussions....so being a woman who will talk to anyone (from an average looking guy to a good looking guy), I've always been envied and thus put down by women..

 

 

So being attractive and intelligent are the two hardest things to cope with...in the end, if you don't comprise your beliefs to conform...then you end up isolated. From girls, because they envy you...and from guys because they don't think they can have you, and when they do they become very insecure....

 

 

When I speak of beauty I am referring to those with symmetrical features (golden ratio)..which has been tested to reveal a universal aesthetic appeal in all cultures.

[Huli]

so many great opinions and theories here

I'm sure whatever I'm gonna say, it's been said 50x before I did.

 

looks matter, that's like, a fact now. People care cause they care about their environment's level of acceptance of their partner, and what the environment sees is the outer side. So I'd say change environment, and you might get better chances finding someone you like and who likes you back just as much. But of course, we being humans, are just too pig-headed. we don't change with a snap, we change by bumping into a wall (are these words even correct?) several times (OR being lightly electrocuted a few times but let's not go there). I guess lot of people lose their faith and hope after a number of failures. But hey, think of the people who have worse lives than you are (cause we work that way; we feel better thinking of worse) but also who are better off than you. And realise; you're normal class. That's the best thing you can get. I know I tend to expect and assume things; like, when I see a guy walking next to another girl chatting cheerfully I automatically think: 'couple'. But when you know that guy's eyes are strangely wandering off to you, you think 'classmates?' and suddenly you feel different than before. So make it easier for you; only believe what's really black on white and don't think everyone's having a partner except you. Besides, people having a partner usually have even bigger problems than ones without one. You can only know after having a bf/gf and realise: damn, being single felt much better.

[Carnatic]

I skipped everything after page 2, so if this has been said before then sorry.

 

Someone said that when attractive girls complain about guys only being interested in them because of their looks then it is their own fault if they go out and dress sexily.

 

I don't agree with this, if someone is able to dress up and look really incredibly stunning then they have every right to do that, it doesn't say to me that they are insecure at all (something someone else said), everyone enjoys trying to look their best. If us average looking guys and girls can dress up to try to look as attractive as is within our capablity in order to encourage people to find us attractive then I don't see why people who are good looking should wear the most unfashionable and unflattering clothes they can find in order to force people to concentrate on something other than looks.

 

I agree with what the original poster says, that being good looking can pose all kinds of problems, I think it says more than anything that we should be comfortable with who we are because there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to be, attractiveness doesn't hold all the answers.

 

I think this probably does affect girls more than guys, because thanks to the male dominated media, the definition of good looking for a girl is much more clean cut and certain than for a guy. Guys are able to feel more comfortable with who they are because there is less stuff telling them they should be anything else. To be honest, I would not be able to tell a girl whether my mates were good looking or not because I have no idea whatsoever what good looking is for a guy (besides the extremes of Brad Pitt vs Quasimodo)

 

Finally, to put my own bit in and tell you all where I am coming from. When I say I am of average attractiveness I mean that by if you averaged the sort of comments I receive then it would suggest I was average. However I get everything from girls seeing one photo of me and immediately insisiting their friend give me their number to other guys complaining that a really beautiful girl was attracted to me saying 'I don't get it, how? you are ugly as sin!' This kind of uncertainty can mess with your head, I have no idea how any girl is going to react to me when I chat to her, is she thinking 'eugh, freak get away from me' or 'mmm lovely I want you in bed with me now' or hopefully somewhere in between, part of the reason I can't read girls, their reactions could be so varied.

 

For the record I have never had either sex or a girlfriend (don't want the former without the latter though).

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Being good looking causes problems? Yeah, right. If that were the case, just rub a magic lamp and wish to be ugly, then behold the problems you have then. No, I shouldn't say "problems", that is not fair. I should say "disadvantages." Discrimination against someone's looks. It's out there. In the Dating World. In the Work Force. Everywhere.

 

So what is wrong, is it the unwanted attention? As a shy man I can see how that would be a problem, but the world is darker when no one is attracted to you. Being one or the other has it's advantages and disadvantages. But if it came to unwanted attention (which I'm sure is not 100% of the attention) vs. being totally ignored, I'll take my chances with the attention. What if someone who is pretty special finds you attractive?

 

For all you good looking guys and gals out there, I simpy can't express the pain in our hearts we ugly people have. Add shyness and the lack of self esteem and confidence, which is most likely caused your outer shell, only makes our hearts shrivel up into a prune. And the older we get the worse it becomes because now we have proof of how ugly we are when we see our friends get girls on their looks.

 

I give you Exhibit A. Nothing will ever change my mind about this unless I see it for myself. But I won't hold my breath.

[juicyfruitmama]

I have to say this topic is quite fascinating. Seeing the points of view of all spectrums of people who find they are categorized as attractive or non-attractive, I feel both have their disadvantages and advantages and neither should be envious of the other. It sucks either way you put it: Having an amazing face brings you people who just seem to like you for your exterior but then the feeling of rejection/lonlieness must be just as bad when you're not even blipping on the radar if you just don't cut it in the looks department.

 

I have been approached numerous of times by people whom I felt were not my type physically. These guys exuded a desperation of wanting to be liked and got a irritable or nasty if I wasn't interested. I know they are probably reacting to yet another rejection, but I honestly believe that if these guys were to just relax, start focusing on their strengths instead of what they don't have, they would excude a little more positive energy out. I believe in that. Hell, you can tell when someone is in a bad mood without even talking to them right? You can FEEL the energy and it feels uncomfortable and gross. That's how it feels when a guy (or girl), who has been rejected several times, tries yet again but with a certainty in their minds that they won't ever find anyone, thus justifying their sadness/bitterness.

 

In fact, I think two of the sexiest men out there are Kevin Spacey and Patrick Stewart. It's the way they hold themselves, their taking no sheizer from anyone and showing the world that they have a personality that's worth getting to know.

 

 

Unless you have a strong sense of self worth, it doesn't matter if you are considered "ugly" or "attractive"... you will not sustain a good, stable relationship with anyone until you really start liking yourself for who you are.