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Gaze into the abyss...


Fudgie
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14 hours ago, Fudgie said:

Lo,

I agree with you - I think we are really disconnected as a society and it is hurting us. My happiest times, in memory, are from when I was a child. I had a couple (still do) lifelong friends, my age, and we grew up together. We used to get together with our families regularly and eat loads of pizza and run around outside in gigantic yards/woods, playing games until the late hours. Our parents would be talking and drinking and so we just kind of ran free. That unstructured time was so important to me.

Life is just very different now. I work a lot although with my new job, it won't be quite as much, thankfully. But my goal is to maximize my leisure time and spend as much time doing hobbies and other things that I love.

I do think humans, just by our nature and ability to think in certain ways, struggle with exsistential angst, which I've definitely been struggling with from time to time. I think religion can provide some people with comfort but I am not religious at all. I think having social support, religious or not, helps a lot, as people can lean on each other. Eastern philosophies tend to be more accepting of the notion that there are many things that we just don't know for sure and never will. There's comfort to be had in that. 

For me, I am still trying to find what works for me. I don't have children to place my hope in and I have accepted that my existence is, for all intents and purposes, finite to a T, genetically, socially, physically, everything. I would wager that I have maybe 30-50 years max after my death before my name is meaningless and memories are gone, no matter what I do. How do I make it count? What will my life look like? 

I am in the process of buying a plot in a very old cemetery - my favorite cemetery actually - for myself one day. It can fit 2 people (if both ashes) or just one (ash/body). The plots around it are mostly late 1800s/early 1900s and there are lots of trees and moss. I like to go there and think: this is where I'll be at the end of my days, I know where I will be but how will I get there? What will do before I end up here in the ground? 

Fudgie Fudgie Fudgie!

 

I am not religious either. It’s an observation but, religious or not, when someone dies, we are all just as sad and religious or not, generally we all go through a phase or time at least of fearing death.

 

As you say Fudgie, it is the human condition! And blessing and a curse of consciousness! 
 

I mean if you ever come up with an answer to deal with this please tell me - HA! 
 

I think your beautiful home keeping you busy and work helps? I know for me, I do need to be around people and feel a connection to neighbours and things. As much as I think I need these vast moments of alone time; I often crave them but come out of them much more troubled than I went in! I am your typical, annoying extrovert - HA! How irritating! 🥲

 

I think, rural life, or any life closer to nature sounds ideal! I say, keep on, keeping on!

 

Love reading your journal as well Fudgie! 
 

We are mega in the middle of our renovation. It’s a building site. I wish it were done. Costing so much more money than we ever thought and taking so much more time. We can’t just go camp out and live there because of the kids. We did it last time round because we had zero bambino’s and that made everything easier! 
 

Talk of a massive housing crash is hitting the UK news! People I know are selling up! Or trying to buy rentals or air bnbs. The coastal town we live in a massively a summer tourist town. So you get people from London buying up these properties and doing them up and then renting them out as holiday homes. I can see why they do it, for sure; but I also understand the long term locals anger at this because although it elevates a town to a certain extend, it reduces that “know everyone small town” feeling!

 

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I've told you, Fudgie.  There is 0 point worrying about death.  It's an inevitability for all of us unless some technical marvel happens.  But that may have already occurred, right?

Death doesn't scare me at all, and you know more of why that is.  What terrifies me is the possibility of infinity.  That you and I have exchanged this exact conversation countless times and will continue to do so forever.  I'd much rather a true end than that, but would we even know the difference?

There's not much point in questioning or worrying about any of it.  We don't know for sure and that's that.  We don't even know if what we perceive is the full picture.  Likely it isn't but it's all we have to go on.  I think it's better to not get your head wrapped up in any of this and instead focus on the here and now, and that version of you is doing great!  So enjoy it, because not everyone's present is the same.  

There're things we'll never understand, that's just truth.  But what you can understand, appreciate.  :)

Edited by LikeWater
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