My dad said one of the WORST things possible!!!

[Empathy]

I was just starting to feel so much better then my dad said one of the worst things you can possibly say to a person dealing with the pain of a break up. His words were, "I don't ever remember you bringing home one single decent looking guy.....except for 'Bob'! Now, HE was attractive." ("Bob"=the ex) AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! It crushed me. I've always been aware of how beautiful he was. Fair skin, dark (almost black) hair that showed red when the light hit it, Grey-blue eyes that looked like the sea in the midst of a storm, six feet tall, rosy cheeks and lips that looked like rose petals. He wasn't what you'd call hot, he was absolutely beautiful. And I know that looks don't matter, but I know that everyone of you has had the fear of never finding someone as attractive as the ex who dumped you. I'm sure it's crossed every dumpee's mind at least once. He was the epitome of what I find attractive. He had delicate features. He had features that were slightly feminine yet he was masculine at the same time. He was like...a beautiful Magnolia tree in bloom. Like the Magnolia tree, his beauty was just as visible as his strength. And I know that it's because I love him that his beauty became so ostensible to me. But it was always there, even before I loved him. Why did my dad have to SAY that...?

[annie24]

Your ex is not a magnolia tree and your dad sounds like he can be a bonehead at times! Nevermind what he said - parents have a knack for sometimes saying the wrong things. My mom bought me a birthday cake for my 20th birthday, but told me I should only have a few bites, because I needed to lose some weight. Thanks for the happy birthday mom!

 

Don't worry - we all say stupid things sometimes. Forget about what your dad said. Just keep working on the healing. Good luck!

[DN]

I can relate to your dad- being one myself. Sometimes the only reason parents open their mouths is to change feet. Forgive him, for he knew not what he did.

[Empathy]

I'm not mad at my dad at all. I just wish the powers that be could have used better timing...

[DN]

Yeah, sometimes a chance remark can whap you upside the head - you have my sympathy.

[goddess23]

o wow. just like when my ex and i broke up. see he started getting talllller and keep in mind hes a year younger and wen dating we were like the same height! and he was reallly gorgeous. the feminine features yet not femenine looking at all! and my parents always remarked about how good looking he was. o wow it killed. my friends too. and it just kills your self esteem even more. you know what just look at this way: you GOT AN AMAZING GUY HE WAS FULLY INTO YOU ATTRACTED TO YOU MAYBE LOVED YOU! yes it hurst that its over but hey its a great story to tell your kids. the kids that you will have with a much better man. one who looks at YOU like the magnolia tree. ohh hunn i know how you're feeling and as much as we wanna say that looks dont matter in cases like this it just sucks. but just look at the postive aspects to it. and focus on moving on. honestly i must say im back with my ex now and even though hes taller our relatiojnship is up and down and honestly he just doesnt seem as hot anymore! so when you move on and find someone so much better those gorgeous features will become fuzzy. trust me...you know i remember STUDYING his every eyelash and after we broke up in a couple of months i could barely remember all thos little details. people can be insenstive so make it a positive!

[moonunit]

my mom told me to "get over it all ready" - only after being broken up for 4 weeks (a 2 year relationship). she thought that was enough time to erase the memory of the man i thought i'd be marrying. i think parents sometimes just say screwed up things - maybe trying to help but...not.

 

i'd take it with a grain of salt and try to ignore it or it'll drive you crazy.

[arwen]

Oh god, my mom after my last break up (over 6 months ago now): "*sighing* You and your boyfriends!"

 

Which comes down the following reasoning: you get dumped because you have boyfriends, so if you don't want to get dumped, don't get involved.

 

 

 

Yet she keeps hinting at babies, her future sons-in-law (I have a sister)

 

Remember that your dad's last heartbreak is decades ago, and he probably really doesn't know what to do with the sad little heep of misery that once was his daughter. I know my dad really hates it when I am upset about things like that. He's a MAN; he wants to solve things, and a break up just needs a lot of time and tears!

 

Maybe he wanted to make you a compliment , anyway I am sure he has no clue whatsoever about how remark sounded in your head.

 

Stay strong,

 

Ilse.

[Empathy]

My dad has never had to deal with heart break. The only woman he's ever been in love with is my mom. They got married when my dad was 21, mom was 20. They're still married. That's the only reason why I try not to get mad at his insensitivity. I'm certainly not mad at him for what he said about my ex being attractive. That was just a flat out mistake. But my dad has been EXTREMELY insensitive in the past. He's been flat out MEAN. Telling me to grow up whenever I cried over it, or just telling me I need to get over it or that I'm being ridiculous. (I'm putting it very nicely, just so you know.) He's even gone so far as to insult my intelligence and insinuate that I was mentally ill because I was in pain over losing someone that I loved. But that was a while ago. I think my mom has talked some sense into him recently. He hasn't said anything like that in a few weeks. But, yes, it CRUSHED me when he said that about my ex being attractive. Incase you didn't already notice, I thought he was the embodiment of beauty. That was one of the absolute last things I needed to hear.

[DN]

He was insensitive - no question.

 

However, the really important issue is - - do you think he was trying, albeit in a very clumsy and ill-advised way, to help you; or do you think he was deliberately being mean in order to hurt you?

[avman]

Sometimes parents (and other well meaning people) just say the wrong thing. When I told my mother that my wife and I were seperating and I had filed for divorce the first thing she said was "Your father would be so disappointed in you" (my father had just died 6 months ago and I was still devasted about it). Later my mother apologized, but boy that really hurt at the time.

 

Tell your father that what he said really hurt you and why it hurt. Hopefully he'll realize that he was being insensitve and think a little more about what he says to you.