I need to make a good choice

[Mimi Elle]

Me and my boyfriend of 4 years broke up 2 weeks ago. He lied to me about a certain girl who has been so close to him to the point of sending him romantic texts. Turns out she is his ex and he didn't want me to know even when I asked. After finding out, I asked him to call her infront of me and tell her to stop flirting because he has a girlfriend and he refused. 

I was so hurt considering that we have been together for so long and I lost my sister last month so I was very emotional. I even had a breakdown at the office. 

I decided to let him go but I didn't want to feel the pain. I quickly had a rebound, a guy next door, and he says he wants me to be his girlfriend.

The thing is, my boyfriend came to apologise, expressing how much he loves me and I don't know what to do considering that there is a guy next door that I have ***ed and after ending things we will be running into each other almost everyday. And about my boyfriend, I know I love him but I don't know if we will ever be the same with this next door guy on the picture. 

[gamon]

Your boyfriend lied to you about an ex for the duration of your relationship.

That's bad. His interests are self serving, he's dishonest, deceptive, and looking to take care of his own needs at the expense of yours. In other words, he'll do or say whatever he thinks will further his own goals, at the expense of yours, if necessary.

Worse yet you jumped right into something with a new guy without getting over the first guy.

Take a breath and don't be with anyone for a while. By "a while" I mean more than 24 hours. A LOT more.

 

 

[SooSad33]

First off.. I am very sorry for loss of your sister 😞 .  Loss is not easy.

Second, IF your bf truly appreciated you he'd be honest about his ex and speak up to her about stopping her texting to him . Plus, he'd be appreciative of you.  Not lie about it all.

Then you did right.

And as for this neighbour, well, you chose to go there (rebound) and no guarantee that will last long either, as you said, he's a rebound.  They often fail quickly because you are NOT in the right mind 😕 . ( So you may have 2 fails to deal with soon enough) - which is not such a good thing, right?

I suggest you get out of this with them both!

You stay away from getting involved for a good while, until you truly feel yourself again and you've recovered some from all of this and your loss of sister .  Is really best to consider this, so the next time you do get involved, you're doing it with a more stable mind & heart.

Slow your life down a little... and aim for things to be a little more stable & calm ❤️ .

[Lambert]

Hiw old are you and these guys?

A lie that lasted 4 years is not just a lie..  its a character flaw in this guy. The only reason he didn't tell you is because it served his interests.

How did you find out? 

You would be wasting your time on this guy. of course he's sorry.  He wants attention and a girlfriend. I don't see how you could ever trust him again. 

As for the next door neighbor, you were broken up and free to do as you like.

 

[DancingFool]

OP, your first instinctive decision to get rid of him was the right one. Stick to it.

Please understand that the other girl wasn't sending him those texts out of the blue. He was lying to you both and cheating, so he is no prize and his apologies are irrelevant and useless. Rather than entertaining his bs, go ahead and block him for your own peace of mind.

I know you love him, but you will heal and move on and it's better to be free than to deal with a cheater and keep looking over your shoulder all the time. You literally can't unsee and unlearn what you now know about him and all it will do is eat away at you if you get back together. 

Better that you look forward to something new and also, do give yourself some breathing room, especially given the loss of your sister. Give yourself some time to just process and just be without assorted guys as a distraction.

[smackie9]

What he was doing and his attitude towards you is unforgivable. He was already emotionally stepping out of your relationship. Tell your bf to take a hike.

I get it you are emotionally vulnerable, so don't let his apology blind you. Sit back, and take a break.

So sorry for your loss. Take car of yourself.

[Wiseman2]

 

3 hours ago, Mimi Elle said:

Me and my boyfriend of 4 years broke up 2 weeks ago. He lied to me about a certain girl who has been so close to him to the point of sending him romantic texts. Turns out she is his ex and he didn't want me to know even when I asked. After finding out, I asked him to call her infront of me and tell her to stop flirting because he has a girlfriend and he refused. 

Sorry this happened. Condolences on your sister. You made the right call ending it.

Agree he was deceptive through your relationship. Although there's history, it's best to delete and block him.

While not cheating per se, this is a massive deception and betrayal which makes him an untrustworthy person, not worth investing in.

Enjoy the new guy, even if it's just a transient fling. You'll figure it out.

 Keep in mind you're dealing with a great loss and grieving so this is not a good time to make major decisions. Instead enlist the support and company of trusted friends and family.

[catfeeder]

The neighbor is irrelevant. The BF showed you his capacity for deception and disloyalty, and that will not change. Your instinct to dump him was a good one.

My heart goes out to you for your loss of your sister. I can appreciate that suffering grief is not something you want to compound with another loss, but you already 'lost' this guy when he deceived you. 

I would reach out to your family and friends to ask their support during this difficult time, and I'd seek out grief counseling, private therapy--anything and ALL things to build a support network to help me move my focus forward and to heal.

I'd do this all withOUT the BF who hid his motives and his relationship with his ex from you even while claiming to 'love' you.

That's the kind of stuff you will thank yourself later for doing without.

Advice from Grandma: The problem is not that snakes will cross your path, they will. The problem comes when you are too willing to pick UP the snake to play with it.

Skip the snake, head high, and write more if it helps.