OKay, here's my situation...I need some advice.

[tigerman]

Okay, well it's been about 5 months since she broke it off with me. Prior to it, I had been going through my problems and was going through a rough patch in my life. I was about to graduate college, but was very unsure if I would be able to find some employment when I got out.

 

Basically, she broke it off with me because I think she was very unsure that I would be able to take care of her later on. I went back to school for another year to obtain a different concentration in order to pretty much guarantee me a pretty stable career afterwards.

 

She broke it off in December, and I've seen her twice since. Once in February, and once in April. Each time, it was like nothing happened, the love was still there, the intimacy was still there, just the presense of both of us was still there.

 

She's a year older than me, and is in her third year of optometry school, while I've graduated college, went back for something more, and am on a track to have a nice, stable job afterwards.

 

We've done the no contact thing, with her breaking it each time. Each time she calls, we talk for about an hour, and she's always the one to initiate conversation on AIM.

 

My question is, I can tell the feelings are still there between us both. She's even offered to still buy me things, doing things as if we were together...but we're not.

 

Where do I go from here? Of course, I'm giddy and happy when I talk to her, she was my first everything. I keep telling myself that I should and have to let go, but that's so hard to do.

[Iceman26]

Basically, she broke it off with me because I think she was very unsure that I would be able to take care of her later on. I went back to school for another year to obtain a different concentration in order to pretty much guarantee me a pretty stable career afterwards.

 

I know its hard to let go man, but do you really want to be with someone who would dump you for that reason? Someone that basically doubts your abilities and doesn't believe in you?

 

If I were told that same excuse I would have told the girl to f off.......its about both people taking care of each other....not you simply taking care of her.

[DN]

its about both people taking care of each other....not you simply taking care of her.

 

I tend to agree with this. Is this what she actually said or what you supposed?

[thekillerbunny]

I know this is hard, and it feels so right to just work back into it... but I don't think its right.

 

The whole "firsts" thing I can most certainly relate to... and it feels special... but when it comes down to it... its not the end of the world. Sometimes you can't control things like that.

 

Of course its hard to let go. Really, thats normal. Its INCREDIBLY hard to let go. But, if you can realize that that is the right thing to do... only then will you move on. You have to move on before ANYTHING happens.

 

Even if (people will disagree with this notion, but some believe in it) you were meant to be, you have to get over the first relationship first, before you attempt a second. Either way, you have to do it. Good luck

[justsweetgirl]

If she dumped you because she doubts your ability to take care of her later on, this is a huge red flag. Relationships encounter many issues and problems. Despite your feelings for her, would she stand by you in the future? Or pull a disappearing act?

[tigerman]

thanks guys, for your replies. I guess i've been blinded by everything...initially, when she broke it off, I immediately blamed myself for everything. I thought I was a horrible person, who didn't deserve anything from anyone. I guess you can say that I was in a depressed state. But, I've come a long way since that fateful night in December. I'm better, stronger, and more independent than I've ever been.

 

I was there for her for the 3 years that we were together. Every single time she needed me, I dropped everything and went by her side, even though she was 4 hours away. I just tried my best to be there, but when I need her most, she's not. You're right...she's proven that she has the ability to leave at any point, or pull a disappearing act like you said. I guess I was still in that state of shock.

 

You're right...I'm not sure if she'll stand by me in the future. what if I find a job, then a few years down the road, I get laid off for whatever reason...what then?

 

I deserve more. I'm destined for something greater than what's already conspired.

 

thank you guys...your words are comforting and reassuring.