tigerman

thanks guys, for your replies. I guess i've been blinded by everything...initially, when she broke it off, I immediately blamed myself for everything. I thought I was a horrible person, who didn't deserve anything from anyone. I guess you can say that I was in a depressed state. But, I've come a long way since that fateful night in December. I'm better, stronger, and more independent than I've ever been. I was there for her for the 3 years that we were together. Every single time she needed me, I dropped everything and went by her side, even though she was 4 hours away. I just tried my best to be there, but when I need her most, she's not. You're right...she's proven that she has the ability to leave at any point, or pull a disappearing act like you said. I guess I was still in that state of shock. You're right...I'm not sure if she'll stand by me in the future. what if I find a job, then a few years down the road, I get laid off for whatever reason...what then? I deserve more. I'm destined for something greater than what's already conspired. thank you guys...your words are comforting and reassuring.

Okay, well it's been about 5 months since she broke it off with me. Prior to it, I had been going through my problems and was going through a rough patch in my life. I was about to graduate college, but was very unsure if I would be able to find some employment when I got out. Basically, she broke it off with me because I think she was very unsure that I would be able to take care of her later on. I went back to school for another year to obtain a different concentration in order to pretty much guarantee me a pretty stable career afterwards. She broke it off in December, and I've seen her twice since. Once in February, and once in April. Each time, it was like nothing happened, the love was still there, the intimacy was still there, just the presense of both of us was still there. She's a year older than me, and is in her third year of optometry school, while I've graduated college, went back for something more, and am on a track to have a nice, stable job afterwards. We've done the no contact thing, with her breaking it each time. Each time she calls, we talk for about an hour, and she's always the one to initiate conversation on AIM. My question is, I can tell the feelings are still there between us both. She's even offered to still buy me things, doing things as if we were together...but we're not. Where do I go from here? Of course, I'm giddy and happy when I talk to her, she was my first everything. I keep telling myself that I should and have to let go, but that's so hard to do.