Reunion romance in the wrong time

[majko]

Hello I will try to explain my situation. Me(21) and this girl(18) met like 4 years ago in summer and she really was into me but I kinda rejected/ignored her becasue of the age even though I liked her, we hanged out once but nothing really happened, then after some time we stopped texting and forgot. 

But at the beginning of this summer she texted me out of nowhere, we started hanging out again, had a good time, told me she has a boyfriend but after she told me about her relationship, how it got worse lately and after we looked at our old messages and regretted everything, it got too emotional and we kissed but later she told me she doesn´t want to destroy that relationship with him and kinda friendzoned me(that all happened in like 4 days). But the emotion did not go away both on my and her side, we continued hanging out, slept together(only cuddles) few times and still kissed from time to time. I basically spent almost whole summer with her except for 3 week vacation with my bros. Now when I returned we were together again and she really started taking the friendzone more seriously I even considered ghosting her because I would always have some feelings for her if we stayed friends and it would only hurt me but I didnt do it. But yesterday we spent lot of time together and a night together. It was all cuddles kisses again just a lot of fun and tension, she said she had a great time with me, we kissed when I brought her home and then texted how we miss each other and she sent me some song about how she still has feelings for me. We called at night she said again how great it was, but asked me why didnt I ghost her already, I told her I actually wanted to but there just was something that didn´t allow me to do it, and she started crying said gn and it was all just so sad.

Also, I would actually do none of this if her relationship was all good but I found out she is not too happy with him and wanted to leave him so many times, she said its like a rollercoaster with him, like ups and downs but much more downs, so I had some hopes. Yes im not experienced with relationships so I ***ed up badly probably but I just dont want to lose her forever I love her, do you think there are any hopes for future?

Becasue today im gonna meet her( she said I can block her but she obviously wants me to come) and I really dont know what to do, should we say goodbye to each other and go on with our lives (if so is there any chance for another reunion possibly?) or should I try to wait until she breaks up with him (which might come soon it seems) and support her and then try something, or do you have some other ideas? I don´t really know, please someone who made it here throuh the pile of text tell me what you think of this. Thank you for all the help.

No sex happened just to be clear and she is really hot and intelligent, guys chase her a lot so I dont think she is gonna stay single for a long time if she breaks up.

[MissCanuck]

You're going about this all wrong, OP. 

If you want to see if she is genuinely interested, tell her to contact you if and only if she breaks up with her boyfriend. All you're doing right now is helping her stay in her relationship, by making their low points more bearable for her. When they fight or something, she knows  you will be there as back-up to pay attention to her. Stop doing that. It's not going to make her come to you. Find out if she is serious about all these feelings she claims to have, and set a firm boundary. If she disappears, you will know that she still wants to be with him more than you. 

58 minutes ago, reallivesensei said:

do you think there are any hopes for future?

The prospects here aren't good anyway. She is showing you that she's the type of girl who cheats. Granted, she is young and inherently immature and bound to make poor choices as she goes along, but you will probably not enjoy being the guy who helps her learn how to behave like a mature adult. I have a feeling that even if she does break up with him and come to you, there will be a lot of drama and back-and-forth with him and all kinds of other noise. 

[sadchick83]

Sounds like she cannot be alone and may be using you to transition to someone else/the next person. I agree with Miss Canuck, pursue this when she is single.  There is clearly a mutual attraction, but it doesn’t mean anything if she is with someone else.

[Andrina]

You're too close to the situation, too infatuated to realize she's not a decent person. Being in a bad relationship is not a good reason to flirt with and kiss other guys, and behind her bf's back to boot. Don't think you're so special that if she was free and you two dated, that she wouldn't seek out other guy's attention when you two had an argument.

As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

An emotionally mature person ends one relationship before beginning another. She's using you for an ego boost at the expense of your feelings and her bfs feelings. And you think she's some prize to win over? She knows she's hurting two people and she doesn't care.

There are pretty, single women out there who don't cheat. For a happier experience, I suggest extricating yourself from this toxicity, block and delete, and go for a woman free and clear, and with better ethics, to date.

[SherrySher]

2 hours ago, reallivesensei said:

Also, I would actually do none of this if her relationship was all good

Okay....I'm going to stop you right there.

She is not married to him, she is not being forced to be with him. They are not shackled together.

At any given time, she could phone this guy up, tell him she's not happy, and end it.

But she is choosing to be a cheater.

Do you understand that.....a cheater.

Someone who cheats, has the ability to lie, to pretend, to manipulate and has zero loyalty.

You need to re-read the above line a few hundred times to realize what kind of girl this is.

If the relationship with this guy is not good, then she should have done the right thing, ended that relationship, been a decent girl, and had a bit of space between the end of that relationship, and then starting something new with you.

She chose to be the worst kind of woman, instead.

Lying to probably both of you, manipulating you by making you feel sorry for her.

Meanwhile she is kissing and in bed with you, and with him. (don't kid yourself, she is still intimate with him).

And is not caring who ends up hurt in the end. One of you will end up hurt as both of you think you're the center of her attention, and neither of you actually are.

You need to send her a message that you don't allow yourself to get involved with cheaters, because if she can cheat on him...she 100% could cheat on you one day.

Block, move on. Find someone who isn't playing games like this.

[SherrySher]

1 hour ago, sadchick83 said:

pursue this when she is single

I wouldn't even pursue her when she is single. Why? Because you will end up being the trusting boyfriend one day, who is being played while she messages with another dude and is telling him how horrible a boyfriend you are.

She is a cheater. She wants attention from more than one guy. That's not going to change.

[Kwothe28]

Is it some kind of epidemic lately? Of guys chasing girls with boyfriends who only use them for attention?

She will never leave that guy for you. In order for her to do that you need to provide her a quality alternative. She doesnt see that in you and never will. She just wanted some attention before she comes back to boyfriend. Hence why the talk about you blocking her. You provided her some attention and that is it, you are no longer useful and will just be a distraction to her real relationship. Sooner you realize that, the better. Your best course of action is ironically to listen to her and block her cheating ass. That way you will free yourself from her and be able to pursue something normal.

[Wiseman2]

When you stop focusing on unrequited love, crushes and girls with BFs, there's a world of girls out there for you to date.

Open your eyes.

When someone avoids realistic situations, they are usually afraid of them.

[smackie9]

Tip: to be desirable is to be less available. Make it like you are moving on, be aloof, and don't talk to her much. Then let things play out.