Should I still pursue a relationship with him or not?

[Sonneblom]

I have been dating a guy for the past 4 months, we had an argument 2 weeks ago, it was a stupid argument and I lost my temper with him. Days passed and he did not call me, I did not call either because I was not felling well, I had Co-vid and could hardly speak, I texted him to let him know I wasn't feeling well and still he did not respond. 2 weeks passed and still I heard nothing from him. I finally called him and he was accusative over the things that I said during our argument and I got defensive, so the call ended without us resolving anything. Some more time passed without any communication but I felt a lot of regret over the whole thing, I apologized to him for losing my temper and he apologized as well. However I can't get over the fact that he never called me, to resolve things or to check on me when I was sick, he left it up to me to bridge the communication gap between us. That leads me to conclude that if I hadn't taken the first step or apologized first, things would have been left unresolved forever, which tells me that he doesn't care about me or the relationship we have. So my question is should I stay in the relationship or should I leave because I feel under-appreciated and undervalued? Or am I being irrational and unreasonable?

[DarkCh0c0]

10 minutes ago, Sonneblom said:

So my question is should I stay in the relationship or should I leave because I feel under-appreciated and undervalued? Or am I being irrational and unreasonable?

Irrational and unreasonable. Perhaps selfish is a better word.

There's not even a relationship to start with!

Why are you running behind this man when he clearly showed you he's not not interested? No wonder he isn't. Aggressive people must be (and rightfully so) on his list of deal-breakers.

Own up to what you did, learn the lesson and move on. If you have anger issues, work on them for you.

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, Sonneblom said:

 I apologized to him for losing my temper and he apologized as well. However I can't get over the fact that he never called me

Sorry this happened. What was the argument about and what did you lose your temper about?

 It seems he's lost interest. First you're mad about whatever the argument was, then you're mad he didn't chase you after that? Then you're arguing about fighting and arguing about apologies.

 Is seems you are incompatible. 16 weeks dating is a good time to observe what's going on and this is a lot of conflict, drama and hurt for such a short period, no?

[Kwothe28]

I dunno, I think its pretty telling that he didnt even want to check out how you are. Admittedly he was mad and maybe thought you are faking it to get a reaction, but still he should at least check. 4 months is not a lot but at least he should care enough to call. Dont chase something that would never reciprocitate even at basic level of human decency, let alone at something else.

[MissCanuck]

Are you sure that two are even together anymore, OP?

He sounds quite done with the relationship. 

[SooSad33]

5 hours ago, Sonneblom said:

if I hadn't taken the first step or apologized first, things would have been left unresolved forever, which tells me that he doesn't care about me or the relationship we have. So my question is should I stay in the relationship or should I leave because I feel under-appreciated and undervalued?

It's only been 4 months.. I think this has all come to it's end.  Communication & respect is lacking.

He's not all in it, sorry.

Stay in the relationship?  Honestly, sounds like there really isn't one.  

Move on.. leave him be. Expect no more.

[smackie9]

Nope nope nope. Expecting him to break contact because you were sick is passive aggressive. It was you that lost your temper and said bad things. Then you let days pass, when you could have sent him a text message that first night owning it.

You two are not on the same page, you both can't communicate properly, and most likely there have been other issues that you haven't disclosed to us. This is not an isolated incident right? That argument and how it was handled was the tipping point. This relationship is done. Cut your losses and move on.

[Sonneblom]

17 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Are you sure that two are even together anymore, OP?

He sounds quite done with the relationship. 

It sure seems like we are not.

[MissCanuck]

13 minutes ago, Sonneblom said:

It sure seems like we are not.

I agree. I don't think he considers you a couple anymore. 

What was it you said to him when you lost your temper, and what was the argument about? 

[Sonneblom]

11 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I agree. I don't think he considers you a couple anymore. 

What was it you said to him when you lost your temper, and what was the argument about? 

We argued about tattoos, he said people who have tattoos are not respectable people and I disagreed with that, because it just didn't make sense to me, to make  such a statement. I then stated that I called bull*** on what he was saying and that was what he took affront to. 

[MissCanuck]

If an argument about tattoos was all it took to end this relationship, then I have a feeling he was looking for a way out anyway - and he took the BS comment as his opportunity. 

Solid couples don't generally disintegrate over issues like this. There's usually something else underlying the resentment and hostility, and it appears he wanted to be done. 

As such, I don't think you pursuing this is even an option for you anymore. He's already decided that it's over. 

[Sonneblom]

7 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

If an argument about tattoos was all it took to end this relationship, then I have a feeling he was looking for a way out anyway - and he took the BS comment as his opportunity. 

Solid couples don't generally disintegrate over issues like this. There's usually something else underlying the resentment and hostility, and it appears he wanted to be done. 

As such, I don't think you pursuing this is even an option for you anymore. He's already decided that it's over. 

Thank you for the reply, it's just really difficult for me to come to terms with it, because I really liked him.

[MissCanuck]

10 minutes ago, Sonneblom said:

Thank you for the reply, it's just really difficult for me to come to terms with it, because I really liked him.

How were things going before this argument?

 

[Sonneblom]

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

How were things going before this argument?

 

It was going pretty well, we talked regularly although seeing each other had become a challenge in the past month, because of hectic schedules on both sides. We have had arguments before, but none as explosive as the recent one, and anytime we had communication breakdowns, we resolved it quite easily. 

[MissCanuck]

5 minutes ago, Sonneblom said:

We have had arguments before, but none as explosive as the recent one, and anytime we had communication breakdowns, we resolved it quite easily. 

For only 4 months of dating, it sounds a bit turbulent, honestly. 

I would let his silence speak for itself, and put him behind you. 

[Sonneblom]

4 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

For only 4 months of dating, it sounds a bit turbulent, honestly. 

I would let his silence speak for itself, and put him behind you. 

I think it's time, I put it behind me.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Sonneblom said:

We argued about tattoos. I then stated that I called bull*** on what he was saying and that was what he took affront to. 

Do either of you have tattoos? It's unclear why you would bother getting into a debate about something subjective.

Next time let everyone have their opinions and tastes. This argument is as inane as beating each other up about whether sushi tastes good or not.

Pick your battles. There's no need to "call somebody out on" everything you disagree with.

If you tend to be argumentative, see what kind of anger and moods are driving this.

It almost seems like you picked this fight to end things. 

[Sonneblom]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do either of you have tattoos? It's unclear why you would bother getting into a debate about something subjective.

Next time let everyone have their opinions and tastes. This argument is as inane as beating each other up about whether sushi tastes good or not.

Pick your battles. There's no need to "call somebody out on" everything you disagree with.

If you tend to be argumentative, see what kind of anger and moods are driving this.

It almost seems like you picked this fight to end things. 

I appreciate your reply and I agree with most things you've said, however, I did not start the argument nor introduce the topic, and I had no intention to end things. And I do have a tattoo, it just came up in the conversation we were having.

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Sonneblom said:

 And I do have a tattoo, it just came up in the conversation we were having.

Then his remark was rather disrespectful, no?

[smackie9]

His remark sounded like he was taking a personal stab at you. Maybe it was his under handed way to say you weren't being respectable because you weren't making enough effort to see him. It sounded purposeful, like he wanted a way out. He knew this would be the trick.

[Capricorn3]

Seriously, after only 4 short months he's showing you another side of him. I would cut my losses rather than invest more time into something which is just not working.

[Sonneblom]

On 9/15/2021 at 1:40 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Then his remark was rather disrespectful, no?

It was, now that I think about it.

[Sonneblom]

On 9/15/2021 at 4:59 PM, smackie9 said:

His remark sounded like he was taking a personal stab at you. Maybe it was his under handed way to say you weren't being respectable because you weren't making enough effort to see him. It sounded purposeful, like he wanted a way out. He knew this would be the trick.

[Sonneblom]

It worked out well, if that were his intention. I can safely say I have ended things with him and washed my hands of the whole thing.