Am I in the wrong by being upset?

[Missinginaction363]

Sorry first time adding a question. My bf and I have been together for around 10 years. He pays for his phone bill, rent, the insurance ect, (our shared car we have 2). I pay for my half so that's even. He works in landscaping, (we used to work together before I got a different job) I work from home. He pays for groceries, which is roughly 300 a month sometimes less. Never more. Because I work from home I do the cooking and cleaning, organizing, well everything. He has two chores. Cat litter and clean the shower ( I end up cleaning shower) and have bad allergies when I end up doing the litter.

He always throws in my face that he pays for groceries. So I offer to pay half which I'd have no problem. But he refuses because if I'm paying half he has to pull his share around the house. It then turns into a huge fight how I'm always home and that I shouldn't be complaining.

I feel like a maid, a cook, a mother, banker. When I say something it's always you ask to much/I'm trying to relax, SOMETHING. I'm tired of always asking him to pull his share.

Our storage unit, and insurance comes off my card. He owes me about 3000. Then says its because I don't help that's why he owes me so much. I've done everything but pay myself what he owes me. Like I'm tired. And to anyone who asks if I talked to him about this it's either he says I'll try better or its i dont do things cause you “nag” or you want to much and ALWAYS fights, then brings up things, when I say stay on topic because deal with one issue at a time, he just keeps going making me out to be a bad guy. So I feel like it's me. And finally after all these years I need someone opinion. :/

[Seraphim]

I would stop doing everything for him but the cat litter as that is cruel to the cat and you. Don’t make his food, don’t wash his clothes etc . Can you get rid of the storage unit? 

[Missinginaction363]

You're absolutely right. Although as soon as I go on strike. He pulls a huge fit like a child. I didn't want to make his sandwich one day and it turned which hunt. - why can't you do it - omg I'm not asking much - your going to be up - why do you treat me so bad. - then as soon as I raise my voice (after letting him talk and being interrupted every time ) he starts to get upset and say I'm the problem yelling all time. 

[Batya33]

Can you afford to hire a housecleaner once or  twice a month? Also start buying your own groceries to the extent possible.

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, Missinginaction363 said:

You're absolutely right. Although as soon as I go on strike. He pulls a huge fit like a child. I didn't want to make his sandwich one day and it turned which hunt. - why can't you do it - omg I'm not asking much - your going to be up - why do you treat me so bad. - then as soon as I raise my voice (after letting him talk and being interrupted every time ) he starts to get upset and say I'm the problem yelling all time. 

The second he pulls a fit leave the room.  If he follows you tell him "I don't hear yelling/whining".

[Missinginaction363]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

Can you afford to hire a housecleaner once or  twice a month? Also start buying your own groceries to the extent possible.

If I hired a house cleaner it would be a huge fight. I'm going to for sure 

[Missinginaction363]

4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

The second he pulls a fit leave the room.  If he follows you tell him "I don't hear yelling/whining".

I will try it. But I think I'm done with him. It's to much 

[Batya33]

4 minutes ago, Missinginaction363 said:

If I hired a house cleaner it would be a huge fight. I'm going to for sure 

Why are you with this person?

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, Missinginaction363 said:

I will try it. But I think I'm done with him. It's to much 

And I mean leave quietly with no drama.  Just walk away peacefully.  

[Seraphim]

Ok, so he is a man child with a temper . It is time to go. 

[Cherylyn]

2 hours ago, Missinginaction363 said:

.  .  . I think I'm done with him.  It's too much 

Note that he manipulates the conversation whenever you stay on one topic at a time.  He's gaslighting you.  Google "gaslighting."  One of the gaslighting tricks and techniques is to deflect, change the subject and force you to change your perception of the facts.  It's psychological warfare at its finest. 

Both of you are incompatible.  It's time to go your separate ways permanently.  Don't waste anymore years on him. 

[MissCanuck]

Why are you still with him?

He treats you like crap and is very hostile and resentful towards you. I would personally leave him to it, and move on. 

[DancingFool]

19 hours ago, Missinginaction363 said:

You're absolutely right. Although as soon as I go on strike. He pulls a huge fit like a child. I didn't want to make his sandwich one day and it turned which hunt. - why can't you do it - omg I'm not asking much - your going to be up - why do you treat me so bad. - then as soon as I raise my voice (after letting him talk and being interrupted every time ) he starts to get upset and say I'm the problem yelling all time. 

He is a child, he is also a misogynist and he isn't going to change, OP. He is never going to pull his weight around the house because he sees that as "woman's job" and that you should just shut up and do it and yes, if you dare to rebel, he'll have a tantrum and gaslight you back into compliance. He also doesn't see what you do for a living as work.

So the question for you is why are you staying with him? Start looking for a place and a roommate if you need to and live in peace. Ultimately, it will be cheaper for you and easier as you'll be able to take care of yourself better without this dead weight around your neck sucking the life out of you.

[Honeycomb8]

23 hours ago, Missinginaction363 said:

You're absolutely right. Although as soon as I go on strike. He pulls a huge fit like a child. I didn't want to make his sandwich one day and it turned which hunt. - why can't you do it - omg I'm not asking much - your going to be up - why do you treat me so bad. - then as soon as I raise my voice (after letting him talk and being interrupted every time ) he starts to get upset and say I'm the problem yelling all time. 

Guys that throw fits...Aren't bf material. 

I used to live with an ex. He paid for the rent while I contributed towards groceries and sometimes dinners. I cooked more while he cleaned more. I feel like after 10 years it shouldn't be like this with you? He should help with chores too. 

[Lambert]

Another vote to move on. This guy is NOT a partner. He's a liability.

Why continue doing this to yourself? This is him.