Mun Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Hi gradle, I just want to say you did very well at that club. You should feel proud that you were able to keep your emotions in check and enjoy yourself that night regardless of his presense there. I agree with the others about the card. If you must send it then do the least possible...drop the Love part and mail it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 it's next thursday, the 23rd, so i was thinking sun or mon, in case he had bday plans if i am going to stop by, that is... It's my 25th birthday on June 23rd!!!!! hehehe! We're all June 23rd babies! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 That is too weird! My friend from class's son is turning 2 on the 23rd too. Between my guy, Annie, J, and my friend's son that's 4 June 23rd babies! hmmm....what was the date 9 months before that...?? Seriously Gradle, Yes I think you should be commended for your restraint at the club, I was quite proud of you. I do agree with the others. esp. given his reaction at the club, that you should do the bare minimum for his bday, mail the card without the "love" in there, he already knows you love him. Hang in there, k? Link to comment
gradle Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 happy almost birthday annie! k, so my coworker told me to email him about last night, and i did (yes, i know you guys hate me for that).... please analyze this: hey j, sorry we didn't get much of a chance to talk last night, it was nice to see you, hopefully we can catch up sometime... me within a couple of minutes he replied: Yeah, it was good to see you too. You can still call or IM me, its not like I wanted to completely shut you out of my life. I just wanted some space and for us to do our own things. But I hope you had a good time and maybe I'll talk to you soon. ugh, am i overanalyzing this? i don't know if this is good or bad? Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Hi gradle, naughty, naughty girl, yes you know it was a mistake to email him... but it's already done. This is the big sentence I pulled from his email. I just wanted some space and for us to do our own things. It's not that he hates you or doesn't care gradle, and I think you know that. What it is is that he felt smothered and so he felt the only way to have breathing room to end the relationship. He's asking again for you to give him some space, and he's not eager to resume anything. maybe I'll talk to you soon. Keep trying to give him his space, gradle. I know it's hard, but he keeps asking you for it, and you need to try and respect his wishes. Link to comment
scorchio Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 hi all, its nice to hear people help each other through these hard times. hi Brando, thanks for your earlier advice you gave me, similar sittuations i feel, although your relationship longer. im really finding N/C at mo, although I havent contacted her for nearly month and a half, been split for 2months. miss her loads, wish she was feeling same and suffering like me !!!! Link to comment
scorchio Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 finding N/C difficult I meant Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Scorchio, You should start your own thread about this, and not post your issues on Gradle's thread. That way your issue will get the attention it deserves, and Gradle's thread isn't taken away from her. To start you own thread, simply go to the home page of the forum and click the "new topic" button. Then choose what catagory best fits your situation, and post away! Link to comment
scorchio Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 oh ok, sorry didnt realise take care all Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Not to worry, just wanted you to know the right way for your topic to get the attention it deserves, and be fair to Gradle too. Link to comment
danimal77 Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Gradle, I'm with Hope on this one Gradle...The key to regaining his interest is to give a little and then pull back out for a bit...Keep him guessing what your next step may or may not be. Never be predictable and too readily available... I would wait 2 weeks now until you try and make any more contact... Dan Link to comment
tman Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 sorry to add this late and out of context, but I couldn't help notice the June the 23rd bunnies. You guys are lucky to be born on what is the greatest day in the history of man.... Its my birthday too on that day Happy advanced b'day all other's, i may not be on the site for a week as i am off to spain to have a mad b'day week tomorrow. yay!!!!! Hope 75 : i wonder too what was in the air 9 months b4 the 23rd of june is (sometime in spetember). Funny i too have had too may weird connections with that day. I had 3 friends at school on with the same b'day as me, 2 friends at my church, a guy on my road, my uncle and my aunts 2 twin boys. Once agian sorry if i have disrupted the flow of the topic, but i had to post. Goodluck though all u guys with ur situations, i do read with interest and would post if i felt i could help. Link to comment
gradle Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 that's ok, i don't mind if scorchio posts on my thread, i understand we're in similar situations, but you might get more individual attention if you start your own thread... Link to comment
scorchio Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Thanks Gradle, Ive started my own topic now, thanks guys and girls, didnt realise I had too, all done now tho with new topic cheers. I wish you Gradle all the best, have read your topic and advice with interest which has helped me. The best of luck, and to all of you best wishes Link to comment
Mun Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Hello Gradle, I suggest that even though he said you can im him or call...don't do it. He can just as well pick up that phone too. Leaving you to do it is like letting you do all the work in getting back in touch. Not good. He should have some initiative here especially since he is the one that wants the space. just my 2 cents Link to comment
gradle Posted June 17, 2005 Author Share Posted June 17, 2005 hi muneca and all... i hear ya, i'm trying my best not to contact him....i almost broke down yesterday...i'm sick and i was up half the night coughing and around 2 am i was sooo tempted, but i tried so hard not to let myself and i didn't... i'm going to the beach tonight so i'm hoping that being there for the weekend will dissuade me from doing anything stupid... but i feel myself wanting to ask him to reconsider... we were too special and too good for this... i'm sorry if i'm reverting again... Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 If it helps you any, I was getting back together with an ex a few years back, but I asked him for space in the process. He didn't give it to me - 2 calls, and 2 e-mails a day. I finally got sick of being smothered and I told him I never wanted to hear from him again!!!! Honestly, if he just backed off and was less needy, I would have desired him more. Listen to Muneca, he has a phone too. Link to comment
gradle Posted June 17, 2005 Author Share Posted June 17, 2005 i know, but don't you think i'm doing better than that? i called him on sunday, but that was the last time i really talked to him... and i'm sure i wont' talk to him again until next week...i don't think i'm acting too needy... do you think there's hope for us? i can't help but think it... Link to comment
PlayBrat Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Hi Gradle I wanted to reply to your post. I think these people are giving you really sound advice. Annie is right...your ex has a phone too. If he wanted to talk to you he would make the call. His fingers aren't broken. Can you and he work out?? That remains to be seen. We are not psychic, we are just strangers giving you objectiove advice about your situation based on info you are giving us. I think you have not given this enough time yet. Although you are trying to convince us you are doing "much better" and not "that bad"...your post are dripping with being on the edge of obsessive. I am not being mean, just honest. You need to REALLY think about what YOU want to do. Don't even worry about your ex...act as if he doesn not even exist. Easier said than done but seriously...what would you be doing if he didn't? You would be living your life as usual , right? What about when he leaves? If you're this upset NOW, what happens when he DOES move away?? You cannot continue to pin your hopes on this "relationship" . You calling your ex as often as you say you have is in NO way going to make him miss you, nor bring him back to you. He needs to think he has TRULY lost you and he is not able to do that as long as you continue to pursue him. Believe me I KNOW it's hard! I have been there quite a few times, but listen to what we are saying to you. Let it sink in. I would advise you to not contact him again ...let him come to you. There is a saying..."Love is like a shadow..it runs when chased directly..but when you turn away, you will always find it chasing you". Apply this to your situation ..it is very true. Keep us posted and good luck! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Good morning Gradle, I'm sorry you aren't feeling well! How are you doing today? Lots of rest and fluids, and suck on hard candies to suppress the cough. but i feel myself wanting to ask him to reconsider... we were too special and too good for this... i'm sorry if i'm reverting again... Honey, he knows you feel this way. His email yesterday told you that he just wanted some space from you and for each of you to do your own things. He means that, he's told you he felt smothered. The message he is continueing to send you by not calling frequently and not asking you back is that he still needs and wants his space. Remember when he told you not to wait for him? He doesn't want you to agonize over whether he will take you back. My guess is he just doesn't know if he will, and he won't until he learns what life is like without you. we were too special and too good for this... I know, Gradle, the person who is left behind often feels this way. Two of my breakups I couldn't understand how this could have happened, because I was so in love with the guy. The fact is, he has to love you back equally and want to make it work. He may not feel the same way you do about it. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's the truth. Of course if you want to ask J you are going to do that, no matter what we tell you, but I am 98% certain if you ask him now what his answer will be... and it won't be what you want to hear. You really haven't given him a chance to miss you. You called him last week, and then after you bumped into him at the club, instead of giving him a chance to think about the encounter and how confident you were, you emailed him the next day. You keep proving to him and reinforcing to him why he broke up with you. An easier way to look at it is, let's say you cheated on him. He broke up with you, and you really wanted him back, but you just kept cheating. He saw you all over town with this other guy, friends told him about it, etc. Do you think that would increase your chances of getting him back? Or do you think your chances would be greater if you stopped seeing the guy and turned your life around? I realize it's extreme, but both situations are about behavior he finds undesireable. Think about it. Link to comment
gradle Posted June 17, 2005 Author Share Posted June 17, 2005 i hope you all have a fantastic weekend! i'm going to try and have a j free weekend at the beach.... Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 i hope you all have a fantastic weekend! i'm going to try and have a j free weekend at the beach.... Good for you! Enjoy yourself, and wear sunscreen!! Keep us updated. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Yes! Have a wonderful weekend!!!! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted June 18, 2005 Share Posted June 18, 2005 So Gradle, How goes the weekend??? 8) Are you enjoying yourself J free?? Link to comment
gradle Posted June 20, 2005 Author Share Posted June 20, 2005 hi all my weekend was good, we had a lot of fun, and i got a good tan and it was generally j free, i talked to my friends about it a little bit...they all seem to think we'll work it out... so i got home and i got on line and hten he called me... and it was going pretty well... and hten he had to go ...and i flipped again... i was upset, and he said he just needed some time, he has to find out who he is, how when we were together he was never completely happy, how when things just start to go wrong in his life he just gives up on them, sees no point in working on them... and i was just upset adn found myself begging for another shot, for him not to give up on us then he said he had to go (and i cursed at him) and he hung up,.. and i called him like 5 times and he picked up, and we talked for a fwe more minutes and it went a little bit better, andhe said maybe we'd work on it...i knwo i'm being an idiot... but earlier in the conversation i'd hinted about hte concert next weekend and he seemed intersted and said he wanted to go...i shoudl have left it at that...but i'm an idiot... Link to comment
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