Looking for Male Cheaters to help me!!

[brokenhearted929]

My boyfriend of 2.5 years is a cheater. I caught him last year and he swore it would never happen again. Now I have caught him with someone he met on a sexsearch on the internet. I love him so much and he is a great guy but I know now I was played by him. I'm finding it so hard as to WHY? He just tells me that they are Ho's I'm not , but what does that mean? They are good enough for his sex and I'm good enough to do dishes. I just don't understand!! It hurts so BAD. I's effecting my whole life physically and mentally. I know the proper thing to do is leave. I just don't know why he tells me he wants children with me. He askes me to marry him. We are looking for a new house to buy together. I'ts not that he needs me financially. Does anyone know why someone would screw with peoples emotions like that. He does'nt love me like he says so why say it. I ask him all these questions all I get is nowhere. There is really nothing lacking in the relationship according to him. Can someone help me understand a little better. I'm not that strong to handle this.

[elila]

I think you deserve better- there's probably no satisfying explanation someone can give for his actions. He's not ready to get married and start a family. I know it's weird hearing this from a child, but I've witnessed with my own parents how infidelity can ruin a family- even worse if the family hasn't started yet.

[Stinkweed]

I think you should definitively stay away... There's no justifiable reason to why he'd do what he did... I mean, sexsearch? Having you? It's unforgivable... He's already cheating on you, it'll be worse when you're married... Keep away. He's just using you. I hope you make the right choice. Best wishes.

[melrich]

I have to agree with the other posters here, this is not a great sign for the future of your relationship.

 

I can't tell you why he is doing this but past behaviours are ALWAYS the best predictor of future behaviours. One way or another people always revert to type. He may apologise profusely and say he'll never do it again but you will always have to live with the likelihood that he will.

[temperamental_taurus]

There are some people that are actually ADDICTED to sex... they seek it out and are never satisfied. They could never remain faithful because they are so intrigued by it. They watch a lot of porn, go to strip clubs, cheat and yet still love their partner. I'm not saying that HE is addicted to sex, but he definitely displays a symptom by searching online for it. Typically people who cheat, will and do cheat again. It's not something you have done, it's something inside of them that is missing. You deserve someone who will treat you right... you probably should have left him the first time you found out, because by staying it allowed him to think that if he did it again - you'd still be there - and you are. I realize you feel weak, but sometimes getting away from a person that makes you feel bad is all that it will take to make you stronger. Good Luck!

[Vanilla]

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Honestly, if I caught my boyfriend of also 2+years cheating on me, I don't think I'd ever speak to him again.

 

I could never erase the memory, or just the feeling that he betrayed me in the worst way possible.

 

You took him back once, and now you have taken him back again. Why wouldn't he continue to do what he's doing?? Oh how nice of him to say they're ho's and youre a lady! If thats the case he must like the ho's because he keeps going back for more when he was a wonderful beautiful living breathing woman next to him who apparently loves him dearly.

 

He seems like a manipulator. He justifies it by blaming the other people and sugaring you up. Oh how good he is at his game, telling you he wants to marry you and have children with you. The words ever woman wants to hear....he's very good. He knows your weak spots better than yourself.

 

I'm starting to believe you love this guy more than you love yourself. Is he that much more worth than you are that you stay although he chears and solicits people for sex? Doesnt that disturb you? Doesn't it make you cringe that after he just had sex with someone else he is coming home to sleep with you? Doesn't it disgust you that everytime he tells you he loves you that he's cheated on you? What do you want for yourself? What is it your holding onto? Because youre not holding on to Love. You're holding on to pain and distrust.

 

If you had a daughter, and her partner were to cheat on her and do the things he's doing to you what would you advice her to do. Or if it were your best friend or your sister. Wouldn't you tell them to run and get away from this manipulative jerk?

 

When I read your post I read you said he was a great guy. A great guy? Why because he tells you the things you want to hear at the right time after he messes up? Because he is nice to you when he's not cheating on you?

 

I am sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm being honest and I am tired of seeing women get played like this by men. I'm just sick of it. I have seen it in my immidiate family, friends, this post....it's almost becoming a norm and it saddens me to see the amount of women whose self esteem is so low they continue to take it. Be strong, be courageous and find true happiness! -get out of this relationship.

[shes2smart]

I love him so much and he is a great guy but I know now I was played by him.

 

A "great guy" wouldn't cheat on you...let alone cheat repeatedly.

 

IMO, if you stay with him, you're letting him know that kind of behavior is ok with you. Oh, sure you may cry and complain, but in the end, you're still there. What sort of message does that give him?

[brokenhearted929]

All encouragement I received from your replies is what I needed. And when I said great guy what I meant was under normal circumstances he was never abusive or mean as many past relationships that I pick. Yes I understand cheating is abusive. I just didn't understand Why he would lie to me about loving and wanting a life with me? One said I am holding on to pain and distrust, I guess I don't know anything else in my life from childhood on and maybe it's time to figure out What my Problem is..

Thanks to all replies. I needed them!!

[CowgirlFromHell]

My boyfriend (now ex) cheated on me, I believe, because I didn't fulfill his emotional needs. I gave him the greatest sex ever in the hopes that he wouldn't cheat. Silly me for thinking sex was everything and the only thing that would keep him. Our sex life mirrored pornography. But while I was so consumed in pleasing him amazingly, I neglected his emotional needs and he found someone else to fulfill that. This is all in hindsight, I don't know if that's why he cheated, but looking back, our whole relationship was based on sex. No one can say why men cheat, but one man told me that it's really unreasonable to believe that our needs as human beings can be met solely by one person. One woman can meet his sexual needs, another could meet his emotional and vice versa. This actually made alot of sense to me, I don't know if it does to anyone else.

[Mike_Wazowski]

CowgirlFromHell said " it's really unreasonable to believe that our needs as human beings can be met solely by one person. "

 

AWESOME!!

 

I've always believed that we should never allow one single person to have so much control over our Happiness.......

 

Good on ya CowgirlFromHell!

[summerdreams]

yea that be a cool thought if there wasn't so many std's out there. Your partner trusts you with their body so i think it's horrible if ppl just go out and sleep with the entire world just because one person doesn't satisfy them.

[spiderman_56]

Cheating while having established a one - on - one relationship is unforgivable and cruel. Even though you feel uncomfortable in this situation it's wrong for you to let him assume that it's an okay situation (by you goin back to him).

 

On the other hand, males distinct clearly sex from love. It's quite possible that someone can have strong sexual desires (sex) for one female and feel more an emotional (love) connection for another one ... generally everybody would like to have strong sexual desires and love for the same person ..

 

and I can bet my whole bank account (.25c) that almost every man have xpererinced the case they wanted to have sex with someone else while knowing that they love someone else ... it's can be called fantasy but some people decide to act on it .

[tiger_lilies]

I also endlessly questioned my ex who cheated on me WHY would he do that? WHY did he feel the need to have sex with some complete stranger? Why, why why???

 

He could not answer me. He could not even after 6 months apart, come up with an honest answer as to WHY he did what he did.

 

Instead he whines about being lonely now that we have broken up. Well, ya did that to yourself when you decided to have sex with someone else! Duh!!!!

 

Looking back now, I realize that my ex was just plain stupid. He was immature to think that cheating was the norm (his friends all cheat), he was an idiot for thinking that it wouldn't hurt me as much as it did, he was stupid for thinking that I would forgive him and be okay with it. Ha! Yeah right!

 

I understand why you tried to forgive him and give him a second chance after the first time it happened. I understand how you feel about wanting to forgive the person you love because they beg and plead for your forgiveness. But don't be blindsighted especially after a second time. You only hurt yourself when you decide to return to him after two cheating incidences.

[Vanilla]

absolutely. not just men have fantasies but women do too. heck do you know how many cute guys i see everyday? i fell in love i didnt go blind. however i know where my heart and respect is. i know that i love the man that i am with and that i made the decision MYSELF of being with him.

 

when you commit you commit. there is no buts or ifs. NO EXCUSES. And just because men have sexual desires that is absolute crap. Women do too so lets stop trying to justify men's selfish and screwed up actions. Pigs are Pigs, Men are Men.

[summerdreams]

I think it's wrong to cheat...but unfortunately in today's society it tends to be a trend. I think that if your bf/gf cheats on you ...it's important to let them know that it's unacceptable. The only way of doing that is to break up with them...if they beg and make a big effort to get you back I feel like everybody deserves a second chance and if you really love them you should take them back and see what happens...but like the others have said...don't be blind...be very aware of what's going on in his life, and if it happens again.....no more chances. It's done, it's over.....and he/she won't change. People who cheat once - mistake....People who cheat more that once - not ready to be serious............That's my modo.