Do I want too much?

[Cherylyn]

3 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic but I think when you love someone and you just know they're the right person, it won't bother you that they do XYZ more minor things. I don't mean that bad conversation is minor but some people are still into someone who's very quiet or not great at communicating. My Mum has a dog and walks the dog on the beach every day. There's a woman there she's acquaintances with who is actually very outgoing and talkative. Her husband is quiet, doesn't laugh much, doesn't say much. My Mum said he was boring and "has no personality". But this woman and him love each other and have been together a long time. It was their second marriage and they even both had kids from the first marriage already. Sometimes people just have that spark and the click and it just feels right. One person's trash is another person's treasure, as they say.

True indeed.  Thank you, Tinydance. 

[Unsure2021]

Just leave him. This will never change and you’ll always feel unfulfilled. My ex  husband was just as boring and what I realized was that he had a very impoverished inner life and a lot of emotional unawareness. He didn’t have much to say because he wasn’t thinking about much most of the time. Whereas I think deeply about everything all the time and love to have in-depth conversations. He was also emotionally stunted because he was quite neglected as a child. I realized I need an intellectually and emotionally matched partner and I left him because I felt profoundly lonely and neglected by his silence.

[poorlittlefish]

On 3/31/2021 at 8:19 PM, smackie9 said:

Does he has  Asperger Syndrome? people like that struggle to read social cues, and not know how to respond or interact with others. That would explain the short answers. He's just responding by mirroring.

I had this experience with an ex and while he had never been formally diagnosed, he suspected he had it.  It made for a lonely and frustrating relationship where my feelings and thoughts held no importance.  The longer we were together, the worse it got, so I left.

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic but I think when you love someone and you just know they're the right person, it won't bother you that they do XYZ more minor things. I don't mean that bad conversation is minor but some people are still into someone who's very quiet or not great at communicating. My Mum has a dog and walks the dog on the beach every day. There's a woman there she's acquaintances with who is actually very outgoing and talkative. Her husband is quiet, doesn't laugh much, doesn't say much. My Mum said he was boring and "has no personality". But this woman and him love each other and have been together a long time. It was their second marriage and they even both had kids from the first marriage already. Sometimes people just have that spark and the click and it just feels right. One person's trash is another person's treasure, as they say.

I don't think the "you just know" carries the day when there are more significant incompatibilities especially in a longer relationship.  Feeling right is great because then you can revive the spark much more easily of course -and we don't know how right a relationship is from the outside, either. Many people don't have the personalities to "just know" or to be able to go with the "just know" especially after the honeymoon phase and I see realy loving relationships with people who overthink, who did not just know and question, have some doubts -but they are really committed and willing to do the work and be honest with themselves about what matters.  I also know many people who "just know" for the first 6 months or so and then when the doubts arise it comes crashing down because they've been floating on a cloud passively instead of facing the reality of incompatibilties.