How do you politely end a friendship?

[Cherylyn]

7 hours ago, ForeverLearning said:

I still plan to be nice to her if I see her. But is just ignoring her messages rude? 

I think ignoring her messages is rude IMHO (in my humble opinion).  I've had people treat me this way and I was indeed offended.  Perhaps it wouldn't bother me so much to have excuses, drift apart and fade away IF I never saw this person again for the rest of my life.  No harm no foul.  However, since you'll cross paths with her socially due to your mutual friend, then I would politely text her this:  "I'm sorry but the answer is "no thank you" regarding hanging out."  If she asks why, then explain the most recent scenario.  (Agreement to make plans and arrangements, her telling you she was too tired and you had cleared your calendar.)  If she's relentless for more chances, then repeat only:  "No thank you"  each and every time.  After a few times, then ignore, drift apart and fade away.  Don't write anymore than that.  She'll get the message that no means no and you're not budging. 

Then should your paths cross due to your mutual friend, act natural, be nice, polite, well mannered and respectful.  Keep conversations generic,infrequent and light.  Don't get personal and don't explain again.  This route is better because it does several things.  You've already explained in previous texts, you are final with your decision yet you are not disrespecting her by completely ignoring her which I think is unkind, disrespectful and rude because it has happened to me.  Treat people how you would like to be treated.  There is a way to be a peaceful, kind and fair person toward others.  I've always found that it's better to behave with courtesy and grace instead of allowing bad feelings to fester, stew and linger. 

 

[indea08]

On 1/25/2021 at 10:23 AM, ForeverLearning said:

I guess she kinda did something disrespectful. We had plans for the weekend that we had scheduled well in advance. I messaged her the day before to confirm everything. Meanwhile she was posting on social media about how she was hanging out with some other friends. She finally messaged me back at midnight about how she had to cancel because she was “too tired” and asked me to reschedule to the following weekend when I had already cleared my schedule that weekend to hang out with her that day. 

So I was on board with the slow fade, until I read this. Some people really don’t understand, or don’t care to recognize, how their actions affect others, and ultimately themselves. If I did something like this and I offended someone, I would rather they tell me so that 1. I can apologize, and 2. I can be more self aware going forward and not repeat this. I probably would’ve called her (NOT texted) the next day and said “hey, I just wanted to let you know that the way you cancelled on me last night wasn’t cool. I reserved my time because I wanted to spend it with you, and time is something we can never get back. Being accountable and not wasting my time are things that are important to me in friendships, and you’ve done this multiple times now. Can you make an effort not to continue that?”

This lets her know that you have a boundary there and she crossed it. It also gives her the chance to take responsibility and make it right, or show you that she doesn’t value or respect your time and she’s not a good fit for you. But at least you gave her the opportunity to decide.

[smackie9]

Just start canceling and making excuses...she will eventually either give up or ask...if she asks just say that you feel no longer works for you or you don't feel you have enough in common to continue.

[Cherylyn]

Remember, your paths cross socially due to your mutual friend.  In order to avoid awkwardness and bad, uncomfortable feelings between you two, handle your parting of ways graciously.  No one wants to be ignored and snubbed.  There is a way not to be rude and show class by being empathetic.  Rudeness begets rudeness.  Never follow that trend because it isn't classy.  Practice good diplomacy.

[catfeeder]

On 1/24/2021 at 10:21 PM, ForeverLearning said:

When I make plans, she always cancels last minute...

This is all you need to justify a silent ditch. No need to 'splain yourself or formalize some kind of parting of ways.

Be kind whenever your paths cross, but don't commit your time to her again.

People need to EARN the degree of trust, respect or attention they want by demonstrating that it's mutual. If they fail that, then it's not your problem...and it's not on you to educate them.

[Cherylyn]

If she asks you to explain given that your paths cross socially, tell her why.  However,  remain firm about no longer getting together for any plans. 

This way, both of you will be on the same page and it won't feel awkward for anybody.