Do you really want to remain friends after rejection?

[eddie500]

OK, I notice that if I like a girl and would like to try to go further with the girl, and than if I get rejected, I have no desire to remain friends with the girl anymore.

Acually if I get rejected than I like to completely end all contact with the girl.

 

Its almost like that once I'm rejected I lose that spark.. I don't feel any sexual tension anymore etc. I don't care to really have conversation etc.

I also feel rejected.. and who wants to be around someone that rejected you.

 

I wanted to know if any of you guys also feel similar here? IF you get rejected do you still try to remain friends or do you like to usually not want to deal with this person anymore?

 

The way I see it, the only way to have a female friend is either a girl your not interested in. Or a girl that is not available she has a boyfriend or is married. This is if your single of course.

[Tulula]

Sorry to but in but can I ask you a question? Need a male perspective on this, thanks

 

If you'd been emailing the object of your interest, you'd arranged to meet twice and she didn't show up, would you interpret that as a sign of rejection, even though the object of your affection had told you that she may not be able to meet, due to her work committments?

 

Would you be of the opinion that if this girl had any interest in you/interested in taking things further, she WOULD have taken this opportunity to see you and would've managed to get time off work.

 

I fear that this is why I never heard from the guy in my situation again after I'd never shown up a second time, bcause he'd felt rejected He didn't even give me chance to explain things, just disappeared

[eddie500]

I would take that as a sign of rejection. IF I arranged 2 times and both she could not show up I would just forget about everything. I would just stop E-mailing the girl. IF the girl got back to me than I would go on the date.

 

The thing is when girls are interested they will find time to meet, and if they don't they will counter-offer. Did you counter offer for a different time?

 

LIke if the guy is decent at picking up chicks, he usually will not waste his time. If I got rejected twice, I'd just go out and find another girl..

 

Did you stand this guy up twice? LIke you had a date someplace and you didn't show?

[Tulula]

Thanks so much Eddie for a speedy response and for taking the time to anser my question

 

I would take that as a sign of rejection.

 

I dont see why a guy would take that as 'rejection', especially if a female had told him the reasons why she may be unable to show up beforehand. I mean it wasn't an 'excuse' I was making, it was a 'genuine' reason as to why I may not be able to show up.

 

The thing is when girls are interested they will find time to meet, and if they don't they will counter-offer. Did you counter offer for a different time?

 

It's not that easy to get time off work though and I'd only just started the new job. It wouldn't have looked too good if I began taking days off so early in my new employment. Thing is we live quite long distance, he isn't here in my hometown very often and so we can't just meet/arrange to meet at the drop of a hat. I did email him back, said I was sorry I missed him, it would've been great to see him again, but he didn't respond, just disappeared.

 

 

Did you stand this guy up twice? LIke you had a date someplace and you didn't show?

 

It wasn't a date exactly. We've known each other for years, he's an ex and he quite recently came back into my life after he traced me through the internet. During our emailing, he said he was going to be in my area on business and I told him that if I went passed that way I'd call in and say hello. I was kinda 'testing' him with that comment, to see if he was up for us seeing each other again. He'd then came back with, 'I thought you'd have dropped in to see me', which I took as a hint that he DID want to see me. So I'd told him that next time he was here on business to let me know and I'd call by and see him and say 'hi', assuming I could get the time off work. A few weeks later he mentions that he is here again on business. He told me the dates he was here and where exactly he'd be. I asked him to contact me by email on MSN when he was next online and I didn't say anything at all about him being in my area in this mail. I figured I'd leave that subject for when we talked on MSN. Anyway he didn't read my mail until after he'd been in my area and gone and of course, I hadn't shown up to see him. He didn't reply to my request to speak to him on MSN, didn't reply to the email I sent shortly afterwards apologising, he just disappeared without trace

[Caesium]

well i guess i wouldnt end all communication with her, But things would never be the same again, i would feel highly uncomfortable around her, which could lead to no communication after awhile, but i wouldnt just stop straight away.

[Antimyth]

I am pretty much exactly the same as u eddie, ive tried to remain friends sometimes but i just cant do it, i act despondent and just generally cold to the person in question, im getting better at "faking" friendliness often though it just takes time for you to get over it.

[Mr. Cactus]

ive tried to remain friends sometimes but i just cant do it

 

I sort of see it that way as well. It's really hard. Also, for some reason I have noticed that girls are much better at staying friends after rejection than guys are after they have been rejected. Not sure whether that is a fact, but it is my experience.

 

Anyway, yes, I can't really do it, and it becomes almost impossible when the girl starts telling you about all these other guys and how wonderful they are (and even thrusts photos of them in your face lol). That has just happened to me and it was sort of the last straw as far as my attempts to stay friends.

 

One thing I would like to add though. I don't think it is hard at all to remain as a friend so long as you have found yourself another love interest (or at least someone to vigorously pursue) in the meantime.

[Rainz]

I don't remain friends with guys who've rejected me. I just can't do it. If I bump into them somwhere and they start talking to me I can be civil and have chit chat, but generally it's not my thing, not my style.

[Day_Walker]

I would go so far as saying that its not even about rejection for me. If I was rejected then I would see no point in remaining friends but I extended further than that. Even if the situation just ends, I still dont see a need to be friends with them.

 

Ex's are the same way for me, we don't remain friends. I can talk with them through direct means or indirect means of communication and once that conversation ends, thats it. I harbor no ill will towards any of my ex's, I wish them the best but as far as being friends with them, it just doesnt work out.

 

I dont feel that I'm missing out on anything, I believe once a situation ends then its over. I choose not to act fake with any person, I will not be friends with a person because its something that I should do. I just dont put in the effort to be a females friend once our time is over. If they feel the need to put in th effort and they want that bad to be my friend, I dont see the point with that but they are free to do as they wish.

[ShySoul]

I think it comes down to intent. Was the only thing you were ever really interested in was a romantic relationship? Or did you really want to be her friend first? It sounds like you are just looking for the relationship and once you see that isn't going to happen then you leave. But you are missing out on what could be a remarkable friendship. Yes, it may feel awkward and devastating to know you can't be with her in the way you want. But time will make things better. The tension will subside and you'll find yourself more comfortable, without the added pressures that the possibility of a relationship can bring.

 

Your also forgetting that anything can happen in the future. Plenty of people have agreed to only be friends, grown closer over the years, and ultimately ended up together. It's not something you should expect or cling to, but it's always a possibility. Plus you can tap into the women's network. Maybe she has a friend that would be even better for you with whom you really hit it off with. And at the very least, you've made a friend. But in dropping all contact you'll probably just hurt her feelings and end up having to start all over having wasted the time spent with her.

[Superfreak]

I just recently felt the pain of rejection, and it really does suck. It really mostly depends on the situation as to whether or not to remain friends after rejection. Usually however, my advice would be not to. I was incredibly hurt after my rejection as she was someone that I thought at the time was perfect in every way for me. She gave hints to me that she would still be willing to continue a friendship with me after rejecting me, and it was tempting, but ultimately I decided that it would just be too much pain for me being around her anymore. Another factor was that I was, and still am to an extent genuinely angry with her for rejecting me, and so I don't really see a need to continue to give her the benefits of a relationship with me when I know that she isn't, and will probably never be romantically interested.....damn I hate her

[wlfpack81]

eddie500 I feel the same way. If I get rejected by a girl then why bother talking anymore? I mean not like I was trying to make friends w/her just to be friends, but rather friends to go eventually become b/f and g/f.

[Mr. Cactus]

Great post ShySoul! I'd just like to add that I had very strong feelings for a girl last year and I ended up spilling the beans. It certainly released the tension I had building up inside me but it was devasting to be be rejected. It took me about 4 months for the feelings to subside and that was with me working flat out to fall out of love with her. But even then, I sort of have to "defend" my emotions when I am around her. I think I have built up this protective barrier. The way it works is I see myself as a highly trusted acquaintance to her now when she comes to me to spill her guts about things. She still perceives me as a really close friend that she says she loves, but for me I don't feel any emotions any more. I do value the friendship highly, but I make sure I leave my deeper emotions out of it. And I no longer share my own more personal things with her anymore. I just talk about our common interests, etc.

 

I fully believe any relationship - friendship or otherwise needs to have equal dynamics. I think if that can't be achieved it is doomed. So I guess I struggled with myself to make sure I am giving no more to that friendship than I feel I can spare - in order not to over-invest my emotions as it were. It just wouldn't be fair to me otherwise.

[LE DHUY NHUT]

It makes no sense being ''friends'' after..... especially if you asked her out very quickly after meeting her initially.That's deceiving yourself and her too.

[lady00]

No, I have no desire to most of the time. Casual acquaintances that talk every now and again? Sure. Friends? No.

[aldraw]

If you'd been emailing the object of your interest, you'd arranged to meet twice and she didn't show up, would you interpret that as a sign of rejection, even though the object of your affection had told you that she may not be able to meet, due to her work committments?

 

I fear that this is why I never heard from the guy in my situation again after I'd never shown up a second time, bcause he'd felt rejected He didn't even give me chance to explain things, just disappeared

 

Stand up a guy once with an excuse, ok. Stand up a guy twice without arranging another time and date the same week, get out of town. Most guys don't have the time to sit and fool around with you. If anything you're the one who's been rejected for being flaky, you just don't want to admit it.

[BriarRose]

Eddie I agree with everything you say. Shysoul, I don't know any couples who dated then the other person wanted to be friends then they ended up together. I only know people who were friends first and then dated and then ended up together which I think is a much different scenerio.