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I am stunned😔


ynguns251
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Hello, It has been awhile since I was on here but I feel I need to vent. I have been through a lot of crap in the last 6 years and finally have joint custody of my daughter ( took 4 years ).

 

I have been dating this woman who I do love very much but recently she has been very cold with me. We had such a great summer and she lost her father in February and I was there for her throughout it all and she met my daughter in August and my daughter really likes her a lot we've been dating for a year.

 

She has been very bad lately. I don't know if it has to do with this virus sotuation but she got mad as I went to visit my daughter on Monday at my daughters moms house. She said to me "Don't ever go inside of her house" but I had to as I normally have visitation on weekdays during the school year at her house.

 

She told me that she was upset as I told her I used the bathroom and basically said to me " It's over!!!" And she will never be able to be with me again as she lost her "Peace of mind" and I stated to her that she knows me and my daughters mother are nothing more thsn co-parents but she didn't care and hung up on me and has not called me since Monday.

 

I did nothing wrong and I just wanted to see my little girl and was happy that I did as she rode her bike without training wheels. I don't knkw what to do as I am lost. It is bad enough we are stuck inside all day but now this?

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Sorry to hear this. Why does your visitation schedule and terms suddenly bother her now? What was the argument actually about?

she met my daughter in August and my daughter really likes her a lot we've been dating for a year. I normally have visitation on weekdays during the school year at her house.
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Hi, I actually miss all of you and am so thankful to see you are all still on here to help. It only cost me about $20,000 but I eventually did get joint custody. I live in Indiana and she lives in Illinois so I usually get my daughter every other weekend and then one day per week.

 

I think my girlfriend is jealous of my ex and she knows we are only co-parenting and nothing more. I went over there the other day to see her and I had to use the washroom and then my daughter got on her bicycle and she showed me how she could ride a bike without training wheels and for some reason this pissed my girlfriend off.

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I think you may be right even though I have been dating her for a year and I've been with her through the thick and thin of a lot of things that happened in her life.

 

One common denominator in this whole situation is my daughter and whether I like my daughters mother or not the one thing that we both share is a child who we both love very very much.

 

Life is too short and every chance I get to see my child is precious to me and if a woman doesn't understand it that I am dating then I think I should look for someone who will Life is too short and every chance I get to see my child is precious to me and if a woman doesn't understand it that I am dating then I think I should look for someone who will.

 

I think women with children are the most grounded people that I've dated even before I had a child and like my buddy who is a clinical psychologist tells me maybe that's what I need to find.

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She just got mad because she doesn't like my daughters mother and I'm sure the feeling is mutual but she has to understand that when I go to see my daughter during the week it takes place in her area because she's in school usually. I would never even consider a relationship with my daughters mother and as my girlfriend she should understand that and be supportive to me which she has been but lately I think the stress of the closing of everything has been really getting on her last nerve.

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Normally on a weekday I would pick my daughter up at 3 o'clock in the afternoon and keep her till about 8 o'clock because she has school the next day she's in kindergarten. My girlfriend really likes her and my daughter really likes my girlfriend but my ex and my girlfriend don't really see eye to eye and I explained to her there is nothing ever going to happen between my ex as far as anytjing more than just be co-parents!!

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Agree. Perhaps a single mother who understands having kids and the challenges of co parenting would be a better match. If your current gf blows up frequently over routine things, it's time to rethink things.

I think women with children are the most grounded people that I've dated even before I had a child and like my buddy who is a clinical psychologist tells me maybe that's what I need to find.

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Has there been any instance that might you cause your girlfriend to react the way she does?

Because co parenting or not, you are deserving of trust unless you have done something otherwise to damage that.

Add in the fact that you need to put your daughter first and if that means having a civil relationship with her mother to benefit that, then your girlfriend needs to understand that.

There is a lot of truth behind the notion that only parents of children truly understand. Life is definitely easier if you date someone who understands and respects this. I'm sorry, you current girlfriend does not.

 

Just curious, if you and mom are amicable and your girlfriend has a good relationship with your daughter, have mom and girlfriend ever met? Is this doable and do you think it might be helpful for everyone considered?

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Sounds like a good moment—if a hard one—to really think about if you're dating someone who is a good match for someone in your situation. I get the impression that it's been long road to get to this awesome place you're in—healthy co-parenting relationship, joint custody—and if someone can't understand that you're just setting yourself up for another very long road.

 

As for this...

 

There is a lot of truth behind the notion that only parents of children truly understand. Life is definitely easier if you date someone who understands and respects this.

 

...well, just going to throw my hat in the ring that someone who was once a child of divorce can maybe come into your situation with a more understanding lens as well.

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I agree. She apologized but I think a lot of this stems from her frustration at her work. She lost her father in Feb but she should see how hard I have fought to be a part of my daughters life and accept this no matter what the circumstance may be.

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None at all. She thinks my daughters mother is a tyrant (we all know this) but she should see how hard it is for me to drive an hour each way to only take my child to eat. I am kind of in a jam as I don’t want to go and spend another $20k for visitation but we do have a court order and technically my ex is in contempt however there are no courts open.

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She lost her father in Feb but she should see how hard I have fought to be a part of my daughters life and accept this no matter what the circumstance may be.

 

She thinks my daughters mother is a tyrant (we all know this) but she should see how hard it is for me to drive an hour each way to only take my child to eat.

 

I would try to replace "should" with "sadly can't." People see whatever it is they see. For you, given your situation, it is critical that you're with someone who "can" see what she "can't," or at least deeply struggles with seeing. If she can't see you as you need to be seen—well, that is a very real problem, both for romantic harmony and allowing yourself to live in harmony as a father and co-parent.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Well I finally came to the conclusion that I am not going to waste more time with my gf. We had our one year anniversary yesterday and her birthday was on Sun (day prior). We had plans to go out to eat on both days but she tells me Sun her sister is throwing a birthday party for her as she turned 46. She tells me this at 5pm and stated the party started at 2pm but she was never told. I said "ok" I will drive to your sisters which is like 35 miles away and I had no idea she wanted to stay there till midnight as I left at 9:30 pm because I had to take dog out.

 

Yesterday I woke up and was a little upset that she changed plans and I notice that all of her family members seem to be codependantnon the others. She got mad and said "what was I to do? " and I said we vould have left at 10 as she has to work the following day anyway and she was supposed to stay the night and her and I celebrate after she is done working at 3:30 but she got mad saying that she couldn’t leave because others were there till like 1am. She complains she is tired, her back hurts and she cannot go to gym due to lockddown. I cannot control this and she also hates her career and I think goes through depression but no mstter what I say or do she wont listen.

 

Last month she tokd me "Find a woman with kids" as I think it upsets her that I have a daughter and she loves to drink, go on vacation and so do all hr family members who are complaining they are always broke. I think it is time to end this and move on. She is emotionally unavailable and I think after her divorce she just dated men but wanted nothing serious.

 

Thank you all!!!

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Well I finally came to the conclusion that I am not going to waste more time with my gf. We had our one year anniversary yesterday and her birthday was on Sun (day prior). We had plans to go out to eat on both days but she tells me Sun her sister is throwing a birthday party for her as she turned 46. She tells me this at 5pm and stated the party started at 2pm but she was never told. I said "ok" I will drive to your sisters which is like 35 miles away and I had no idea she wanted to stay there till midnight as I left at 9:30 pm because I had to take dog out.

 

Yesterday I woke up and was a little upset that she changed plans and I notice that all of her family members seem to be codependantnon the others. She got mad and said "what was I to do? " and I said we vould have left at 10 as she has to work the following day anyway and she was supposed to stay the night and her and I celebrate after she is done working at 3:30 but she got mad saying that she couldn’t leave because others were there till like 1am. She complains she is tired, her back hurts and she cannot go to gym due to lockddown. I cannot control this and she also hates her career and I think goes through depression but no mstter what I say or do she wont listen.

 

Last month she tokd me "Find a woman with kids" as I think it upsets her that I have a daughter and she loves to drink, go on vacation and so do all hr family members who are complaining they are always broke. I think it is time to end this and move on. She is emotionally unavailable and I think after her divorce she just dated men but wanted nothing serious.

 

Thank you all!!!

Hi ynguns.

 

This is a hard decision but for what its worth, you are doing the right thing.

 

We can love people and still be incompatible. It hurts and it takes time but be strong.

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Thanks. I cannot deal with her family members who all live at home and pushing 50. I think there comes a breaking point in a relationship and what each persons values in life really are. I cannot go on vacation 3 times a year as I have my daughter and also it is outrageously expensive. I don’t drink much either.

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