I (25F) met someone here overseas while he (34M) is also from another country

[Sinwoyu]

BACKGROUND:

I’m from Hong Kong doing working holiday in Australia, visa will expired in mid September, but I’m leaving Australia for good on this Friday(May 1st).

He’s American, company assigned him to Sydney with a 1.5 years contract, he’s leaving at the end of this year.

 

 

We’ve dated for about 3 weeks in December. He’s a genuine guy, an open book, no muss no fuss kinda simple guy, can tell that he treated me with his heart, although his action wasn’t quite enough for me. We broke it off because he didn’t want a relationship. Even I had suggested a short term relationship, what happens in Sydney stays in Sydney, just enjoy our time together, he just didn’t seem to want to define what we were having as a ‘relationship’, but he was fine if we just keep seeing each other, without establishing any title of course... His reason being he used to travel quite a lot for work, having seen his colleagues had their hearts broken because theu fell in love when on the road, but eventually had to leave, just made him doesn’t want to have a relationship. Besides, he just don’t think he could bring someone back to the States, because he’s relocating to another state (he never said that but I just put one and one together).

 

About 3 weeks ago I texted him. I was already in another city but because the Australia borders was closing, and I wanted to be in a bigger city during lockdown, so I went back to Sydney which I never thought I would. I dated another guy after him, it was an ugly breakup which broke my heart and drove me leaving the city. Surprisingly after I decided to return to Sydney, he’s the guy I want to see again not the guy I dated after him. So I decided to hit him up, turns out he just had a shoulder surgery a week prior to that so I offered to come up and cook him something and clean his apartment. And then of course I’m now going to his every other day...

 

The dynamic changed a bit this time around, he’s gotten a bit more affectionate than before. We were going through our text messages from December, he kept the conversations and our photos, when his phone doesn’t have any other girl’s message records / pictures whatsoever. I was happy that he still has it, because he actually deleted our messages once when we just started dating and had a fight, but he told me not to overthink it LOL. I asked can I delete them then? He said no. I then asked so does it mean something to you? He said yes, something.

 

I’m leaving on Friday now it’s already Wednesday here, I’m meeting up with a friend who lives far away so that only leave us Thursday. I don’t know how to talk about our situation-ship with him because last time I did we break up. I know it’s impossible he will even want to do long distance but I just need advice on how should I ask him about what will happen after I leave. Thank you guys for reading it..

[MissCanuck]

I’m leaving on Friday now it’s already Wednesday here, I’m meeting up with a friend who lives far away so that only leave us Thursday. I don’t know how to talk about our situation-ship with him because last time I did we break up. I know it’s impossible he will even want to do long distance but I just need advice on how should I ask him about what will happen after I leave. Thank you guys for reading it..

 

It sounds to me like you already know what will happen, meaning that it will come to end when you leave.

 

If you need to hear the words, then by all means, have a conversation about it. I would simply ask him how he envisions things playing out once you leave the country. And yes, you might hear something you don't want to hear. But it won't be the conversation about it that leads to the final conclusion; whatever happens will be a reflection of his feelings and desires.

[Billie28]

You dated for 21 days last December. In that time had a fight where he deleted all your messages?

Then you go back to Sydney for lockdown but break all the rules by visiting him every other day??

Most elective surgeries were cancelled so I’m surprised to hear he had shoulder surgery ?

Can’t be too recent that he needs a maid / carer/ cook?

 

But he’s milking it anyway cos what else to do during lockdown?

And it will only be you that gets fined if caught.

 

He knows you are leaving Friday so he will do as he pleases.

 

Since you are happy to break the rules , why not at least have fun and hang out with others??

This guy doesn’t care!

[Sinwoyu]

“ whatever happens will be a reflection of his feelings and desires.” sis you hit the nail on the head. and i will do as you suggested.. thanks!!

[Sinwoyu]

he only deleted our message after our first week of dating, after that he never deleted anything.

 

he had it on march 31st which is the last day of elective surgeries.

[Wiseman2]

Holiday flings usually end in good bye. Don't try to make it more than it was.

We’ve dated for about 3 weeks in December. how should I ask him about what will happen after I leave.

[Cherylyn]

He was only using you during his time of need. He depended and relied on you post-shoulder surgery, you cooked and cleaned his apartment. You were too nice.

 

LDRs (long distance relationships) usually fizzle and fail for obvious inconvenient reasons.

 

Tell him it's over. Your temporary relationship with him ran its course. Tell him that long distance is impractical and not feasible. No need to ask him what will happen. The writing's on the wall and quite obvious. You know the answer already. Part ways peacefully and be done with it. Use common sense.