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3rd date escalated to oral sex then guy ghosted me


sadiegoose

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I went on 3 dates with a guy. On the 2nd date we were making out but I let him know that it was to soon for sex for me and I didn't want to take things further. On the 3rd date we were making out again, things got pretty hot and heavy and I ended up giving him oral sex. He offered to reciprocate but since I didn't want things to go further I declined. He seemed really nice after and we stayed, cuddled on the couch and watched a show together.

 

The next day he was driving out of town to stay with his family for 2.5 weeks and he texted me while on the road to say hey and how did I sleep. I responded and asked him if he had made it to his families place safely. He never responded. That was over 2 and half days ago. I'm pretty choked because I know I've just been ghosted, when I first met him he was also staying at his families place and made the effort to text me throughout the day. Feels even crappier because we were intimate and I let him know I wasn't looking for hookups. He seemed liked a really nice guy, even on our second date when I said I didn't want things to escalate he said, "don't worry I would feel bad if we got naked then I left for 2 weeks, seems kind of rude". Yet its perfectly fine to have oral sex then fall off the face of the earth?!

 

Im pretty hurt about it im wondering if it's worth sending I text saying I get he doesn't want things to go further but it would have been respectful to let me know or just let it go?

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I said I didn't want things to escalate he said, "don't worry I would feel bad if we got naked then I left for 2 weeks, seems kind of rude". Yet its perfectly fine to have oral sex then fall off the face of the earth?!

 

Im pretty hurt about it im wondering if it's worth sending I text saying I get he doesn't want things to go further but it would have been respectful to let me know or just let it go?

If you didn't want to have sex with him too soon, then why did you engage in a one sided sex act - for him?

I wouldn't say anything. Respect is earned, not commanded.

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Im pretty hurt about it im wondering if it's worth sending I text saying I get he doesn't want things to go further but it would have been respectful to let me know or just let it go?

 

Sorry about this.

 

But I really wouldn't send a text like that. You really don't know this person, so to try to find power by making assumptions about him (that you know what he wants) and then chastising him for his behavior—well, you might feel good for ten seconds before feeling very icky.

 

How I'd look at this? You've gone on three dates with someone, and chose to spend those dates how you did. No shame. Over the past 48 hours he has not stepped up in the way you want and need from romance, which means that he is not for you. That right there gives you all the power and respect you need; trying to scold him or extract it from him will achieve the opposite.

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You're in Canada. Your country doesn't have a stay at home order or advisory?

 

If you don't want to be ghosted after sex then you can make the choice to wait until you've been dating for a longer time. That way you can have a better idea about dating goals and practices. You don't know this guy well enough to determine if he means what he says.

 

BTW, did you offer to go down on him or did he ask you to?

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