My Strange Break Up and Dealing with the Loss

[DancingFool]

What stands out to me, OP, is that you are almost willfully ignoring the glaring incompatibilities between you and her. The first 4 years sounds like a lot of drama and dysfunction and arguing as a result. A high stress sort of a relationship. Sure, communication can be a part of it, but the flip side is that often issues with communication point to issues with compatibility. Two people who are more compatible with each other won't struggle so much to communicate.

 

Even on this recent stint, you are focusing on the superficial "fun" while completely ignoring the massive differences and incompatibilities between you. Again, you are looking to blame the cults, the sister, the chicken down the road rather than open your eyes and go "oh this lady and I are just waaayyyyy too different to work well together."

 

What's driving you to stick your head in the sand like that? Something you might want to think about long and hard because if you keep getting involved with women who are not compatible and just totally ignore those red flags while fixating on making it work, you'll keep drifting from one messed up relationship to the next until you are too old to date.

 

I'll make this work is great when you are looking to succeed at work, business, sports, etc. However succeeding at relationships requires a completely different skill set starting with the capacity to walk away when the person you are dating is too different from who you are.

[catfeeder]

Sad but true.....she is no longer the person that you knew. I feel once you have had time to step away, and forget, you will look back without the emotional attachment.....and say to yourself, what was I thinking??

 

Yep. When people say that they "can't" let go of their emotional attachments to someone who is bad for them, what they actually mean is that they "won't" let go.

 

So switch those words for accuracy, then make a better choice.

 

It's a decision.

[HeartRemedy]

What stands out to me, OP, is that you are almost willfully ignoring the glaring incompatibilities between you and her. The first 4 years sounds like a lot of drama and dysfunction and arguing as a result. A high stress sort of a relationship. Sure, communication can be a part of it, but the flip side is that often issues with communication point to issues with compatibility. Two people who are more compatible with each other won't struggle so much to communicate.

 

Even on this recent stint, you are focusing on the superficial "fun" while completely ignoring the massive differences and incompatibilities between you. Again, you are looking to blame the cults, the sister, the chicken down the road rather than open your eyes and go "oh this lady and I are just waaayyyyy too different to work well together."

 

What's driving you to stick your head in the sand like that? Something you might want to think about long and hard because if you keep getting involved with women who are not compatible and just totally ignore those red flags while fixating on making it work, you'll keep drifting from one messed up relationship to the next until you are too old to date.

 

I'll make this work is great when you are looking to succeed at work, business, sports, etc. However succeeding at relationships requires a completely different skill set starting with the capacity to walk away when the person you are dating is too different from who you are.

 

I agree about not being compatible during the second run, but during the first we were. It's just that both of us came from broken homes and we were very young, so we didn't know how to have healthy communication. On top of that I was always stressed out from my job so we got into arguments all the time.

 

Yes however I do agree that we are not compatible anymore and that I need to move on. Thanks