Question to the initiators of the breakups...

[blackberry]

just one question. Doesn't really matter how long you've been w/the person, or whatever reason that you broke up. But, how do you feel about your ex? Are they nothing to you now? Do you still think about them? Do you want them to contact you? Do you want anything to do with them? Remember, this question is for the initiators of the breakup. thanks.

[Day_Walker]

I am indifferent towards ex's, I realize that I have a connection with them but our relationship is over. I still think about them in the context of wondering what they are up to (I dont really talk to my ex's). I would be friends with my ex's but thats just not the case, it never seems to work out like that for me.

[chai714]

just one question. Doesn't really matter how long you've been w/the person, or whatever reason that you broke up. But, how do you feel about your ex? Are they nothing to you now? Do you still think about them? Do you want them to contact you? Do you want anything to do with them? Remember, this question is for the initiators of the breakup. thanks.

 

I've been on both sides of the fence. To answer your questions, I wonder what one of my exes is up to yes. My ex is nothing to me BECAUSE we haven't kept in contact. Communication is vital in getting them to feel an emotional attachment to you. I still think about her, but not often. I don't even have her number anymore. I don't care if I see her, but wouldn't mind. This breakup I'm referring to was over 5 years ago, so as you can see time and distance play a part in how someone feels about their ex. Remember that.

[heartbroken23]

Chai,

 

What about the ex you broke up with a year ago...do you keep in communication? Would you like to get back together with her? Has she made contact? Do you expect her to?

 

 

Also, you say communication is vital to keep an "emotional" connection to the ex. What if there is NC....does that then diminish the chances of the ex thinking of you and feeling some emotional connection....I know NC is strictly for healing and not having the ex miss you, but there are obviously goin to be some of us that deep down want them to think of us too.

If you want to share, please do. Thanks!

[chai714]

To keep this thread focused on the question stated above, I'll send you a pm.

[blackberry]

well, to heck w/staying on topic...just share...lol. we all need advice, and seeing what others' thoughts are pertaining to their own particular situation, so any stories, experiences are welcome.

[chai714]

Black,

When threads become too off topic, the mods will either close the topic or it will get so far off topic and your questions won't be addressed. Also, it's common courtesy to stay on topic to help the original poster out. This is why I said what I did to heartbroken23. Thanks for your understanding.

[blackberry]

ahhh...apologies to you then. thanks for the input though.

[SeaBisquit]

ok, i hope this isn't getting to off topic but in my case I iniated the breakup because I was insecure and felt like he was going to break up with me, and because of my pride I wanted to be the one to iniate the break up. my break up lasted two months and it ended on good terms. I thought about him constantly, phone him constantly, and kept up as much communication as possible. the results were good because we are now getting back together.

[chai714]

Also, you say communication is vital to keep an "emotional" connection to the ex. What if there is NC....does that then diminish the chances of the ex thinking of you and feeling some emotional connection....I know NC is strictly for healing and not having the ex miss you, but there are obviously goin to be some of us that deep down want them to think of us too.

If you want to share, please do. Thanks!

 

NC does not diminish the chances. If you think about it, NC probably improves the chances, up to a certain point. If you're NC'ing for a year, it's obviously going to change the way someone feels about you because there has been such a long passage of time. A month or few months though is fine. It also depends on the length and quality of your relationship. The longer and higher quality, the better chance of reconciliation (in my opinion). This supports my theory of why the quality of your relationship with them has some impact on whether or not they want to get back together.

[heartbroken23]

So if someone NC for a year it generally would reduce the chances right because they have been out of each others life so so long.....that makes sense about the few months, but somehow I think I am going to need more than a few months of NC to get over my ex. Thanks Chai, you answered my question.

[kskm]

I still think about my ex everyday. We were together for 5 years, so it's only natural. I don't think of him in a sexual way, or a wishing that I was still with him, because I don't, just like "oh J and I did this or that"... or songs will come on that will remind me of a time that I was with him. I think that he's an awesome person and wish him the best in the world. We are great friends, just not great together.

[coolchick]

Im so confused about whether no contact is helping me or not My ex broke up with me over 2 months ago and its each time we spoke it would result in a mixture of emotions. He would be giving me the impression that he missed me and talked about things that would get us thinking about our happy times. But then, as fast as the next day, he would change and it would be nearly impossible to try get a conversation out of him. I decided a week ago that no contact would be best for me coz it was messing with my head wether he wanted me or not. I have forced myself not to contact him and there has been no sign of him contacting me either. He's an extrememly stubborn person and i dont have a clue if he's no contacting me because he doesnt want to or because he's thinking that would be him showing weakness.

It hurts so much and i hate not having him in my life atall Do you think that no contact would only work for certain people? and should i contact him? It may get us a little closer again, and in my dreams back together

[Double J]

I broke up with my ex two years ago. I am currently in a new relationship, and honestly, the best way to forget about an old flame is by hooking up with someone new. I still stay in touch with my ex online via instant message, but now her and I are both happy in our new relationships. Prior to hooking up with my current g/f, I went through a phase that I started listening to music CDs containing songs that came out when my ex and I hooked up, and it brought on a nostalgic feeling. But that went away sooner or later.

 

The reason I broke up with her two years ago is because that infamous question started to pop up in my head - "Could there be someone better?" especially after she behaved so childishly in the early months.

[coolchick]

Double J, May i ask how long you were with the person for? Ive wanted to know if a guy that has broken up with a girl can walk away so easily? My ex is currently with someone else now, he's told me that it isnt the same but wont go into any more detail and i dont want to push him. Do you think that he believes the same thing as you do? Find someone new and it'll get you over your ex. I dont want him to be over me and i know that this new girl isnt right for him. Although he was the one who ended it with me i still dont have a clue why he did. I just dont understand how a guy can walk away with no feelings atall for someone they were so intimate and close to and find someone else.

[heartbroken23]

Personally, I think that it is way easier for girls to just up and leave a guy than it is for a guy to up and leave a girl. Girls seem to fill the void much quicker than guys do. M

[Double J]

Double J, May i ask how long you were with the person for? Ive wanted to know if a guy that has broken up with a girl can walk away so easily? My ex is currently with someone else now, he's told me that it isnt the same but wont go into any more detail and i dont want to push him. Do you think that he believes the same thing as you do? Find someone new and it'll get you over your ex. I dont want him to be over me and i know that this new girl isnt right for him. Although he was the one who ended it with me i still dont have a clue why he did. I just dont understand how a guy can walk away with no feelings atall for someone they were so intimate and close to and find someone else.

 

Well, I wasn't with her that long... Only about 3 months.. I'm sure that if I would have been with her for a much longer period of time - say, three years - it wouldn't have been as easy. It depends on the circumstance. If the relationship is short like mine, it's possible to initiate a breakup and then find someone new that you gain genuine feelings for pretty quickly. However, if it's with someone you've been with for years, you might go looking for someone else after the breakup as a rebound attempt to try and forget your ex, even though you really feel nothing for this new person. It happens all the time.

[Double J]

Personally, I think that it is way easier for girls to just up and leave a guy than it is for a guy to up and leave a girl. Girls seem to fill the void much quicker than guys do. M

 

I agree with this. It's easier for a girl to move on. Why? Because men are well-known for trying to avoid commitment. So once they actually invest their emotions into a potential long-term relationship, they're distraught if it ends. It's easier for girls to commit than guys, so once it's over, they won't have as much trouble doing it again with another guy later on as a guy would with another girl.

[SandyD]

I´m still very close to my ex. We were together for 5 years. I broke up with him, the relationship was no longer fulfilling my needs. But we remained close. Even when I started a new relationship. He´s someone I know will be in my life forever because we went through a lot together and deeply care for one another, but he´s in no way a threat to any current relationships I might have.

 

It´s hard when you´ve been with someone for so long, and they know you so well, to just throw that out. It still has value, it´s still something you´ve built.

 

As far as all the other exes, I like them all. Even the bad ones that messed me up. They were a part of my life, and at one point they all meant the world to me. I sometimes call to see how they´re doing. But, for the most part, I don´t really think about them. And, yes, it´s always nice to hear from an ex. But... I´d never get back together with any of them.

[coolchick]

I guess the hardest thing for me was that he was someone i was close to since the age of 11, we finally got together when i was 17 and then from day one we were as close as could be. He was always, for the four years we were together, told me that i was the one he wanted to spend his life with. Then out of the blue he just said it was over. Hasnt given me a reason and anytime i ask he tells me to leave it. He's told me that the girl he's going out with now is just something that he's seeing where goes and that he's scared of change. He doesnt have to change and why does he want to i just want my man back in my arms and to tell me he loves me. I was so close to him. Do you think no contact would be good to get him missing me or would it just help him forget about me? Im not sure what to do.

[heartbroken23]

I say go NC...don't even tell him..keep busy, wait to return call sif he calls, act like you don't give a *&^%. It will really get him thinking and make him wonder if what he is doing is right. But most importantly, do it for you. You need to get over him. I personally think that he will come around, but you need to give him the space and you need to work on you.

[coolchick]

Thank you so much for your advice. Ive been doing the no contact thing and keep thinking to myself "am i doing the right thing?" I thought i was just making it easier for him to walk out my life and get on with things if he thinks that i dont care for him or want him back. I do so much and dont know if he'll ever come back. Has anyone had any experience of this atall? Their ex up and leaving when things are good then come back after a few months? What option did you go by, contact or no contact?

[heartbroken23]

I just think that people actually get a reality check and say "things are not what I thought, ot the grass isnn't greener"....let him miss you, he can't do that if you are always avauilable to him I was with my ex for 5 years. We broke up 2x before, I begged, pleaded, etc at first both times, but then I just said screw it and qwent NC...a month later she came back. This time, when she broke up with me, I tried to stay friends ( i was her security) I gave emotional fullfilment without being her BF. I couldnt taqke that anymore so I recently went NC again....We have been brokne up for almost a year (3-4 weeks of NC), so yeah, it is like we just broke up....my fault for thinking being friebnds would be easy. I have to give up clinging to hope she will come back. the truth is sh is with someone and I am not going to be a spectator while the peron I love deeply is with someone. Do you really want to be in his life whil ehe is with anopther girl? trust me, you don't. Go NC, I really think he will see what he is missing........Go celtic!!

[coolchick]

lol you know the teams well and you chose a good one! thank you for your advice heartbroken23, i just hope that he does come back. Although im not sure what it would be like as i would be in constant fear that he would just up and leave again like your ex did. Are you over her yet? I just hope that you have been enjoying the single life and that there's more happiness to come after the pain.

[heartbroken23]

No I am not over her and I don't think I will be for a long time. QWe have been broken up about a year. We were both each others first real love and were together for 5 years ( a lot of ups and alot of downs). I can't envision me opening my heart to someone else like I did her, but what can you do? I know she still loves me and cares for me and has emotional attachment to me, but she is still with her Bf, so I don't know what to do but NC. If she did come back or get in contact things would be done differently. Things would move much slower than before and I would need to know that she felt the same as me. That is key, not making mistakes you might have made before. I hope things work out for you....as far as single life...hell yeah I am enjoying it..I hook up, but def not ready for a relationship. I am actually a united fan...keano keano keano