What does she want? Friends or Romantic Relationship?

[Kors23]

So I somehow also have the theory that I am only interested in her because she gives me attention and tries to talk to me etc... Like we went out together once and she asked me to dance 3 times. I said no everytime and then I was jealous because she danced with some other guy. So I do stuff like this a lot. So I don't think I actually liking her as much as I think, if that makes sense? But I definitely feel something for her but sometimes idk if it is strong enough for a relationship

 

What you've written should be the exact definition of the answer to the question: How do I know if he's just not that into me?

 

Every time a woman writes in on a forum talking about a guy who's treating her like this, that's the exact answer I give them. He's just not into you. If he was, he'd make that crystal clear.

 

You don't want her, but you don't want anyone else wanting her either, because her attentions will be diverted elsewhere.

 

The "friendship" doesn't work for either of you. Best to let it fade away.

 

Thanks for this answer. Before I posted this whole thread, I was debating about pretending to be a girl and write about what I did to her. But you just did exactly that without me having to pretend to be a girl.

 

And the sentence:

 

You don't want her, but you don't want anyone else wanting her either, because her attentions will be diverted elsewhere.

 

This is so true. I can call, text, facetime her whenever. And 99 percent of the time when she is not busy she will answer. She will listen to me. She will try to make me jealous. She will care about me. But if it comes to me making a move: I never do that. And why? Because as you said:

 

He's (I am) just not into you

 

Another red flag should be this:

 

Well, I asked her again to come out to a bar with me. She said yes. I looked for a nice bar downtown. We went and when I saw the bar (I have never been there before) I was like: "What do you think about going somewhere else?" Why did I say that? Because the bar was a really formal and nice place. There were mostly older people. And for some reason I was uncomfortable to go there with HER. I would totally go with my best friend or whoever. But with her, I was scared. I felt uncomfortable showing up at such a place with HER. I didn't feel comfortable going in there with HER. Why? I don't know. It was just a feeling in my gut.

But I should not be uncomfortable to go anywhere with a girl I like/girlfriend.

[ninjabib]

All this drama and you haven't even been on a date yet. Blimey!

 

If this is what it's like before real feelings get involved I have to wonder how things will go should you get together.

 

 

I think you just bite the bullet. Ask her out, let her know not as a friend and see what she says. Anything other than yes stop being the male girlfriend. Wish her well and move on.

[Wiseman2]

Listen, you're 21. Old enough to vote, drive, drink, and attend university. You're a grown man. This type of nonsense sounds like something a kid does who never went on a date before. Maybe you're a virgin, maybe you never dated. That's all fine. Whatever the case stop pretending to be helpless as if your self sabotage were some sort of weird rays from the cosmos doing this to you. You are doing this to you. Some sessions with a therapist may help you with the ruminating and self-defeating thoughts and actions and perhaps explore if you really want to date her or at all.

I was debating about pretending to be a girl. I looked for a nice bar downtown. the bar was a really formal and nice place. I was uncomfortable to go there with HER. I would totally go with my best friend or whoever.

[ninjabib]

Why would you pretend to be a girl? What going on here!?

[Wiseman2]

Trolling or sockpuppets? It sounds like this is the girl in the story trying to figure out the guy :"She will listen to me. She will try to make me jealous. She will care about me. But if it comes to me making a move: I never do that. And why?".

Why would you pretend to be a girl? What going on here!?

[ninjabib]

I'm with thread again now ! haha that threw me off. Thought i'd missed something major.

[Kors23]

Well, i am struggling with confidence in respect to girls a lot. I don't know why. I have never dated (for a long time). I am insecure about my looks. But only in respect to girls. If you would ask me to present something in front of a thousand people, I couldn't care less.

 

I don't know why I am like this and I don't know how to change it. (this does not only apply to this specific girl)

[ninjabib]

Either start therapy and get some professional help or read some self-help books about low esteem. Or mix the both and improve at twice the pace!

[RayRay63]

Well, i am struggling with confidence in respect to girls a lot. I don't know why. I have never dated (for a long time). I am insecure about my looks. But only in respect to girls. If you would ask me to present something in front of a thousand people, I couldn't care less.

 

I don't know why I am like this and I don't know how to change it. (this does not only apply to this specific girl)

 

So, Xmas is gone and NYE is coming.

 

Have you phoned (not texted) this young lady and said:

 

'I am sorry I have been a bit stand-offish. I was a bit nervous about this, as I like you, but I want to ask you out on a date.

 

(Hopefully she says yes)

 

Great, are you free tomorrow night?'

[Kors23]

So, Xmas is gone and NYE is coming.

 

Have you phoned (not texted) this young lady and said:

 

'I am sorry I have been a bit stand-offish. I was a bit nervous about this, as I like you, but I want to ask you out on a date.

 

(Hopefully she says yes)

 

Great, are you free tomorrow night?'

 

Well, I might after New Years. We are both quite a distance away from each other right now.

 

But on the other hand, I am pretty sure (after we texted a little bit more) that she is just playing games... like making me jealous, delaying a reply, etc...

I don't know if that's a person who I want as a girlfriend.

Sure, I could go on a date and see how I am feeling but at this point we all know how she is gonna be when we would get into a relationship...

[Wiseman2]

Date local girls who are interested in you. You are the one playing games. Stop. She does not want to date you so stop bombarding her with texts and stop the acting like her girlfriend and talking about shoe shopping 👠 and 👗 clothing for dates she goes on with guys. You are wasting your time. Start talking to and asking out girls who are interested in you as a male. Stop playing sour grapes.

Well, I might after.

distance away from each other right now.

... like making me jealous, delaying a reply, etc...

I don't know if that's a person who I want as a girlfriend.

[ninjabib]

Just move on. Value your time and effort more than to waste it on someone who's not interested.

[Kors23]

Date local girls who are interested in you. You are the one playing games. Stop. She does not want to date you so stop bombarding her with texts and stop the acting like her girlfriend and talking about shoe shopping 👠 and 👗 clothing for dates she goes on with guys. You are wasting your time. Start talking to and asking out girls who are interested in you as a male. Stop playing sour grapes.

 

Wow.... Wait... I am not the one who is texting the other person frequently... She is texting me. And how am I the one playing games? Sorry....

[Wiseman2]

STOP responding. To shoe shopping and clothes texts for her dates with other guys.

She is texting me.

[RayRay63]

Well, I might after New Years.

Sure, I could go on a date and see how I am feeling but at this point we all know [SQUAT]

 

Corrected that for you ;-)

 

She may say no, so there you have it and you stop wasting time on her.

[Kors23]

Corrected that for you ;-)

 

She may say no, so there you have it and you stop wasting time on her.

 

And I am not even willing to ask, so yeah I have my answer a hundred percent: No (from me and from her)