For those who are a bit older

[catfeeder]

True. I don’t speak to her though. My husband does and he won’t tell her diddly .

 

If you don't speak with her, then how are you impacted by her complaints? Tell husband not to relay any info about the woman, and if she has anything she wants you to know, she's welcome to tell you herself.

 

Again, this problem doesn't need to be your problem unless you turn it into one.

[Seraphim]

Because my husband talks to me. I see the stress they are putting him under. I am watching him for signs of a nervous break down because he had one in his 30’s because they pushed him that far over his life. I am passionately protective of him because he has problems with protecting himself. My son actually has better skills than his dad about that. Him and my son are my great loves and I am fierce about it. I am loyal to death for my family.

If you don't speak with her, then how are you impacted by her complaints? Tell husband not to relay any info about the woman, and if she has anything she wants you to know, she's welcome to tell you herself.

 

Again, this problem doesn't need to be your problem unless you turn it into one.

[catfeeder]

Because my husband talks to me. I see the stress they are putting him under. I am watching him for signs of a nervous break down because he had one in his 30’s because they pushed him that far over his life. I am passionately protective of him because he has problems with protecting himself. My son actually has better skills than his dad about that. Him and my son are my great loves and I am fierce about it. I am loyal to death for my family.

 

I understand. That's why you're giving your husband the perfect out. He can deflect by telling the woman that if she has any complaints about you, she's welcome to contact you with those herself.

 

You can keep morphing this into a problem if you want to, or you can consider anyone who doesn't have the guts to deal with you directly to be irrelevant noise, and you can encourage husband to do that same. You've both earned the right to peace out. Extend that position to husband so that he doesn't try to shield you.

 

Bullies lose their power when they're too chicken to deal with your strength. So don't inflate their importance in your own mind. You can't impose restrictions on husband's dealings with his own family, but you can establish yourself as being on his team, and encourage him to pass on the invitation to deal with you directly should anyone want their complaints to hold any weight.

 

Conspire with husband, and enjoy one another. Teach husband that you ENJOY having his back, and learn how to minimize the stupidity of others rather than buy into the idea that you and husband are somehow at the mercy of them. You are not.

 

You've got this. Click your heels together and 'see' that. The whole point of your thread is about being 'older'. Well? Maturity has earned you a ticket. Recognize and enjoy your SKILL of pushing people's 'stuff' back onto them instead of internalizing it and absorbing it.

 

Head high, and ((hugs)) to you and husband.