Should I move on?

[love1985]

A 2 week schedule is too few and far between. Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes two people to drift apart.

 

Yep I agree. Maybe a pop in love works for him but not me.

[love1985]

Whatever his motive is, you have to decide if this is going to work for YOU, and clearly it is not. His work-life schedule is the complete polar opposite of yours (I'm assuming), which means you're two ships passing in the night a good majority of the time. Your schedules simply do not align, especially if there is distance to factor between you, and work commutes, etc. I dated an over-nighter, and we had one day a week where our schedules meshed well, and when he was unavailable, it could push "date night" back 2-3 weeks. Communication was mostly text, which I am not fond of, and text was the easiet because when he was at work, I was sleeping, and vice versa. There was more going on than just this one issue that ultimately had me severing our quasi relationship, but the inability to see each other with any regularity, let alone a conversation once or twice in between, was really problematic. It certainly did not foster relationship growth.

 

If they want to see you, they can and will make efforts to do so. How is it that the time is there for a vacation with the "cuz," but you don't get some time sandwiched in there somewhere as well? I would absolutely be wounded by this, all the while wishing him well and happy he has a fun time planned. It's hard to work around these emotions and jealousy.

 

Stating you're not seeing anyone else is a hint...not a discussion. Sure, I'm not seeing anyone else (right now). I don't have any other dates; I'm not talking to anyone else (right now). If you want exclusive, you need to bring up the topic. Don't hint and don't assume.

 

I think the bottom line is this guy has provided his desires and expectations, and you have to decide if you're happy working it. How long are you going to be patient and compliant? How many weeks, months, or years wasted? YOU decide what you want and put a timeline on it. I don't mean that you give him an ultimatum, you just determine that you will see if things improve in X days/weeks after the birthday trip when things slow down, or X days/weeks after the major work project, or X weeks, when he is able to place responsibility on an overnight employee so that he has days available, and when X weeks pass with no change, it's time to let it go. You take that step to terminate the relationship with no ultimatums (ultimatums never last)...you're letting this one go.

 

Don't extend this unreasonably into months, and explore other relationships in the interim. I wouldn't blame you for holding out for a couple more dates and see if something changes, and have fun when he's available, but we're already on *month five*! Accept the reality that he probably just really isn't all that into you, or accept that his lifestyle is just not compatible with yours.

 

This one is probably a bust, sorry.

 

Thank you for the detail advice. I agree. I won’t be an ultimatum just a wish you well. I don’t even know if I have a couple more dates left in me. I’ve even questioned myself and if I was asking too much. I think he doesn’t know how to be honest. He’s fallen for the pretty interesting women let him tell it. Most which seemed to use him. I don’t want this experience to turn me as a person because I do desire to have a family and find love. It’s just hard not too.

[Hollyj]

I would let this go. He does not sound like relationship material.

[Gary Snyder]

Hmmm, if this thing were going well, you two should be in the honeymoon phase of the relationship now, and going on the trip together. And a date every two weeks is no honeymoon.

 

It's worse than you think. He's not at slow, he's at stop. When they say they like to take it slow, it means they are on the rebound - still hurt from the previous breakup and not ready to love again.

[love1985]

I would let this go. He does not sound like relationship material.

 

This is probably true

[love1985]

Hmmm, if this thing were going well, you two should be in the honeymoon phase of the relationship now, and going on the trip together. And a date every two weeks is no honeymoon.

 

It's worse than you think. He's not at slow, he's at stop. When they say they like to take it slow, it means they are on the rebound - still hurt from the previous breakup and not ready to love again.

 

So his point was I’ve messed up diving head first so I want to go slow now. Is that crazy to believe?

[Honeycomb8]

He's wasting your time hun. Time to face reality...Better 5 months wasted than a year.