Partner working away

[itsallgrand]

^ Yes! So much!

It sounds like neither of you have been happy for quite the while.

You seem really stuck on forcing this situation. You can't make someone want what you want by ultimatum nor insisting.

Was it like this before you had kids?

[katrina1980]

4 hours away.

 

So what does this entail? Is he gone Mon-Fri but returns home to you and your kids on the weekends?

 

If so, if you didn't have kids, I wouldn't see the big deal myself, but given you have kids, I can understand your concern.

 

Do you work, outside the home?

[katrina1980]

 

When people get trapped in a situation they don't want to be in, they tend to look for a way out.

 

I hate to say it cause it's hurtful, but I agree.

 

In fact my own dad did exactly that; he was very unhappy married to my mom, stayed married for the kids (which was a mistake but that's another thread), and to manage his unhappiness, he took a second job on Saturdays selling real estate even though we were already well off financially (dad was a successful attorney), and had affairs.

 

Not proud to admit that about my own dad but it's true.

 

I am not saying this is for sure what's going on in your situation, but it's possible.

 

Would you consider having a heart-to-heart and asking him if he's been happy/unhappy?

 

Often times, people can go through the motions of being happy, their partner thinks they're happy, when the truth is they're very unhappy and use distance as a way to cope.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he does not want the responsibility of a partner. That being the case, don't give him the benefits of having a partner. The sooner you are free, the sooner you can be happy and find a more stable less selfish man.

[Gary Snyder]

How long is he away from you due to this long distance job? How often will you see him?

[laverite]

I read this and another thread of yours, and it sounds like some big communication issues are going on. There are reasons that he chose to work away, and not marry you, and not help with the children, and not discuss things with you.

Perhaps it's time to involve an objective third party (counselor, arbitrator, pastor/priest) to sort out what's going on with each of you. Stop trying to guess. And, we're only hearing your side of the story and there's ALWAYS another side! It needs to be all laid out on the table, with the third party keeping things civil and helping you two really LISTEN to each other, then you both can make decisions about what to do.

I'm never personally in favor of splitting up when children are involved, because they suffer way more than anyone wants to admit (unless abuse is going on). So if there's a way to resolve your differences and get on a healthy track with each other, please fight for that for the sake of the children.