Boyfriend bailed again how do I handle this?

[figureitout23]

I disagree. I made dating-relationship/related sacrifices to excel in grad school (and yes grades counted -25 years later grades plus honors etc still count!). I'm not as familiar with the science field, do know that grades count (indirectly since I've worked with scientists) plus if her values are to excel at school then she should stick with that -it's not all about employability for sure. Many study around the clock to get top grades and to do a good job later on - it need not come "naturally" when it comes to certain types of academic work (or "work work"). If it came so naturally people wouldn't hire tutors for science subjects -including scientists.

 

I agree she taught him how to treat her. Many years ago there was a bad storm. My then serious boyfriend got stranded in our city for the night - he had options to stay with me or a friend. My exams were coming up early next week and I needed to focus intensely on studying. I knew he had a friend to stay with and I told him sorry he could not stay with me that night. I made that choice for my future. He was annoyed but he was safe and he understood. It's not always black and white and you have to make tough choices if you have certain goals.

 

You made a ton of sacrifices though Bat that could easily explain why you settled later in life you values your career, NOTHING wrong with that. The level of intensity the OPer is describing, not exactly easy to add a romantic relationship into.

 

The OPer has her values, she wants her boyfriend to revolve around her values, even though he doesn’t have the same ones. I agree with your other post, I’m going to edit this post to include it at the end of the day I agree very much with billy. The OPer sounds like an intense A typical type of person, her prerogative but she doesn’t get to dictate how others around her act, if he’s not meeting her needs break up, it’s really that simple. I wouldn’t put up with constant cancellations either, there’s no need to bash the guy, just walk away.

 

Not to mention her other post paints a COMPLETELY different picture, so to me she’s shaping these posts to get a specific response:

 

I am so lost right now someone please offer me some objective advice. Let me begin by explaining that I have had a very rough year. I suffered 3 separate traumatic events in the past two years and it has been hell on earth. I began having extreme panic attacks multiple times a day to the point where I could not function. My doctor eventually prescribed me Klonopin and it has helped me tremendously. Through all of this, my boyfriend has been a trouper- he has taken me to the hospital, come to my appointments, and talked me through almost every single one of my panic attacks. However, now that I am more stable, it seems like our relationship has become a mess. We do not see eye to eye, our communication is terrible, and we fight almost every week. Lately, we have been arguing over the fact that he cannot stick to our plans. He uses the excuse that he forgot or he is overwhelmed all of the time. It is frustrating because I have school 5 days a week and always try to find time for him. Yet, he cannot do the same and is not even in school. He works a part time job and is at home most of the time. Basically I told him, I cannot be in a relationship where my partner does not prioritize my time because it is extremely frustrating and disrespectful. He agreed to work on it but nothing has changed.

 

Now most of you might say- if he can't find the time then he does not care about you etc. Well, when I told him we should take a break, he called me 3 days in a row crying saying he cannot be without me. I know he wants to be with me but his actions show otherwise.

 

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it’s manipulative her indignation towards billies, in my opinion spot on interpretation of the information is more proof of that, but whatever, you don’t like how he acts, break up.

[Batya33]

I didn’t get married later in life because of my career. Nothing at all to do with it. I was lucky to live in a major city with many people who were academically and career focused like me so it didn’t really narrow my dating pool. But with the op I agree with you and never would disagree that she should walk away. He’s just not going to be compatible with her goals and schedule and focus. I know many people who are like her in those ways who have happy healthy relationships either with people like them or simply people who are happy to accommodate for whatever reason.

[Billie28]

My doctor didn't flunk out of med school.

 

I was talking about grades above a pass obviously