How honest is your new date?

[Editionml3]

It's weird so if you are perfect and "love bombing" then you're considered manipulative and a sociopath. But if you are neutral or not acting all into the woman then you're considered not that interested in her and probably not the right one. Lol. So should we not be charming charismatic and good looking..just wondering what are your thoughts. Because I am considered charming and very charismatic..I don't want to come off as a sociopath just because I'm good at socializing and getting what I want. Should I just not love bomb and be nice all the time? I'm asking seriously not trying to be a smart ass

[SherrySher]

Should I just not love bomb and be nice all the time? I'm asking seriously not trying to be a smart ass

 

I'm not a fan of love bombing. I think taking things slow and steady makes more sense. People get ahead of themselves and get caught up in emotions before they even know someone.

 

As for being charismatic and charming etc, no one is slamming that. We are trying to get the point across that if your date seems great, you need to still take things slow and really get to know them before you trust it 100%.

 

Some people are genuine, but some are not. It takes time to figure out who's real and who's pretending. In fact, it can take several months.

But in this day and age, people need to be much more careful.

[Annia]

Love bombing is not proof that someone is a sociopath, but healthy people with healthy boundaries don't go around saying they love someone the first weeks of meeting them wanting to live together and marry after a couple weeks either. Being nice and kind to someone, flirting with someone or being a gentleman at dates is not love bombing and it's a good thing. The love bombing we're talking about here and that it is a red flag to either messed up bad people or people who might be good people but have issues, is the "too much too soon". How can someone love you and want to marry you if they don't even know you? At the first weeks of meeting someone and dating them there's not enough information to make those types of decisions and statements, which is why it comes as a red flag if someone does that.

[Editionml3]

I'm not a fan of love bombing. I think taking things slow and steady makes more sense. People get ahead of themselves and get caught up in emotions before they even know someone.

 

As for being charismatic and charming etc, no one is slamming that. We are trying to get the point across that if your date seems great, you need to still take things slow and really get to know them before you trust it 100%.

 

Some people are genuine, but some are not. It takes time to figure out who's real and who's pretending. In fact, it can take several months.

But in this day and age, people need to be much more careful.

I see what your saying. Ya me and my last girl sherry were love bombing each other..she told me she loved me first but that was after 2 months or so...maybe that was my problem we should of took things slow

[SherrySher]

What episode are you on now, Annia?

[Annia]

Ok but her mother is part of the problem. Her belief that men (but this applies to any gender) loving a woman is an excuse or even a cause for murder, abusive behaviour and etc and how she dealt with the murder of her daughter passed to Debra and it explains part of the delusional behaviour of Debra. I'd say that having had her sister killed by her husband would make her protect herself against situations like this, but the mother's beliefs made it the opposite, that she believes that there's love behind abuse and deception.

 

I get disturbed every time someone justifies brutally beating, murdering or verbally abusing someone because "they love them so much" and it was this love that made them do it. I think mentalities are changing, but there was for a long time this engrained mentality that a man (or a woman) stalking you is messed up but it's a sign of love and adoration. We (general we) want to romanticise abuse so that we don't see the truth in front of us. And women like Debra end up believing that if they pretend is not there, then it'll disappear.

[Annia]

What episode are you on now, Annia?

 

I'm on episode 4. I should go to bed and shouldn't be binge watching this, but I can't stop watching... however I need to pause occasionally to breath deep lol

[SherrySher]

Ha ha, that was me and my husband last night. We were so tired but had to see how messed up it was going to get.

 

It didn't disappoint.

[Editionml3]

Love bombing is not proof that someone is a sociopath, but healthy people with healthy boundaries don't go around saying they love someone the first weeks of meeting them wanting to live together and marry after a couple weeks either. Being nice and kind to someone, flirting with someone or being a gentleman at dates is not love bombing and it's a good thing. The love bombing we're talking about here and that it is a red flag to either messed up bad people or people who might be good people but have issues, is the "too much too soon". How can someone love you and want to marry you if they don't even know you? At the first weeks of meeting someone and dating them there's not enough information to make those types of decisions and statements, which is why it comes as a red flag if someone does that.

Ok I understand where you are coming from. Lol maybe it's not a good thing I took offense I feel like I was love bombing now. Haha. But it was more than just a few weeks of us talking and getting to know each other I just gave her sooo much of my time. I mean sooo much. I stayed up till like 5am even knowing I had work just to keep her company so she wouldn't feel lonely. I just want to let you girls know. I had no I'll intentions I truly felt amazing with that girl and would still do anything for her. I love this site. You girls are awesome. Thanks for putting up with my questions

[Annia]

Ha ha, that was me and my husband last night. We were so tired but had to see how messed up it was going to get.

 

It didn't disappoint.

 

It gets more and more messed up as the episodes go. And to think this is based on a real story is really scary. This Dirty John makes the ex I was talking about almost look like a "normal" person. This is beyond messed up the more we find out about him.

 

I'm trying to think how I would get rid of such man if this happened to me. I can't imagine having to run away moving from hotel to hotel to escape a sociopath like this like his ex wife had to do. Apparently the police/justice system will only do something when something terrible happens like murder.

[katrina1980]

Ha ha, that was me and my husband last night. We were so tired but had to see how messed up it was going to get.

 

It didn't disappoint.

 

I've done that! Stayed up literally all night, did this a few years back after discovering the show Catfish! LOL

 

Now I make sure to start watching earlier in the day, to be sure to get to bed at a decent hour!

 

I think what made this series so good too were the characters who portrayed them.

 

Connie Britton as Debra was awesome! I just loved her in this, so real, so genuine.

 

And Eric Bana as John. He was truly frightening, and I was not joking earlier when I said I shuddered throughout.

 

Anyway, enjoy Annia!

[Annia]

I've done that! Stayed up literally all night, did this a few years back after discovering the show Catfish! LOL

 

Now I make sure to start watching earlier in the day, to be sure to get to bed at a decent hour!

 

I think what made this series so good too were the characters who portrayed them.

 

Connie Britton as Debra was awesome! I just loved her in this, so real, so genuine.

 

And Eric Bana as John. He was truly frightening, and I was not joking earlier when I said I shuddered throughout.

 

Anyway, enjoy Annia!

 

Yeah I should've begin watching earlier.

 

I was also addicted to the catfish show years ago, I guess I just like messed up shows lol

 

 

I really like the actors too and I also like the backstory moments.

 

Thank you all for bringing me to this mess haha

 

(why isn't he at a proper detox clinic? This cold turkey thing in the room makes no sense to me... actually anything that involves her getting back to him makes no sense)

[SherrySher]

I've seen the movie "Catfish" and I checked on Youtube, they do have the series...BUT, they want $1.99 per episode!

 

Is it available anywhere else?

[Annia]

I've seen the movie "Catfish" and I checked on Youtube, they do have the series...BUT, they want $1.99 per episode!

 

Is it available anywhere else?

 

I remember watching some episodes for free on youtube, but they were probably taken out. I've watched most episodes on mtv years ago. I don't know where they can be watched for free now.

 

I'm almost finished with Dirty John for tonight and I'll continue this madness tomorrow, but as much as I'm trying to be sympathetic this episode is annoying me so much that I just wished Debra was less... dense for the sake of mental sanity. At least his ex wife ended up waking up and being smart. If I were Debra I'd be worried about what example I'm setting for my daughters.

[SherrySher]

If I were Debra I'd be worried about what example I'm setting for my daughters

 

That's what angered me the most to be honest. She places this man over her own daughters, straight away. She doesn't listen to them and she doesn't believe them...horrible mother.

 

I'm not what she is, dense for sure, or just so desperate to believe in this man, despite seeing bad? It truly is insane! I honestly got to the point where I just wanted to shake some sense into her.

[Starlight925]

Here is a show on Oxygen where a guy conned/manipulated/stole hundreds of thousands from dozens of "Debra Newell's".

 

It's basically almost the exact same story as Dirty John, but this guy Derek Alldred did this repeatedly, and to many women, often at the same time:

 

https://www.oxygen.com/seduced-by-evil

 

One woman is a teacher, one is a dermatologist, one is a nuclear scientist. And on....and on.....and on. Definitely worth watching, and chilling.

 

Met them on dating sites, was the "perfect" boyfriend, and, well, you know the rest....he lied, stole, etc.

[Annia]

That's what angered me the most to be honest. She places this man over her own daughters, straight away. She doesn't listen to them and she doesn't believe them...horrible mother.

 

I'm not what she is, dense for sure, or just so desperate to believe in this man, despite seeing bad? It truly is insane! I honestly got to the point where I just wanted to shake some sense into her.

 

Me too... I'm getting so angry at the way she's dismissing her daughters' well being for this man. I don't have children but if I had I don't imagine myself continuing to be with a man with charges of drug dealing, stalker and all that messed up stuff... I wouldn't want to put my daughters at risk with such man. And then her lying to her children to be with this man. She was totally brain washed and an awful mother. I could even try to make sense of this mess before she got actual documented proof of what type of man he is, but after that I just can't. It's as if the more proof she gets the more attached she gets to this man and more she gives him. I wish people understood that they can't cure sociopaths... does Debra really thinks she'll heal him with her love? Now her daughter is suffering the consequences from her dense behaviour.

 

She's choosing him over her family. And the way she continues to trust him even after all the evidence. I know that abusers do this and turn the victim against the family but I'm fuming through my mouth right now.

 

I'm also angry at how this man has been sliding through the cracks of justice and doing awful things to people with almost no legal consequences. Ok, breath deep lol

[Annia]

Here is a show on Oxygen where a guy conned/manipulated/stole hundreds of thousands from dozens of "Debra Newell's".

 

It's basically almost the exact same story as Dirty John, but this guy Derek Alldred did this repeatedly, and to many women, often at the same time:

 

https://www.oxygen.com/seduced-by-evil

 

One woman is a teacher, one is a dermatologist, one is a nuclear scientist. And on....and on.....and on. Definitely worth watching, and chilling.

 

Met them on dating sites, was the "perfect" boyfriend, and, well, you know the rest....he lied, stole, etc.

 

This is the next show I'm watching to get even more terrified and angry lol

 

If this happens to the most intelligent and apparently well adjusted people... I mean I'm here angry callng Debra dense but I don't know if I'd be manipulated by one of these scammers sociopaths, despite having learned a lot with my bad experience when I was a teenager.

[Annia]

Even when Debra is trying to solve the problem and get away from him, she does stupid things. I know many people do this, I also met my abuser afterwards because I wanted answers and it made it worse, but why would she meet him unsupervised to talk to him while they're in court trying to get her a restraining order and solving all the mess she got herself into?

 

But the way he justifies his sh*t and burning her car down... he's even playing judges and lawyers .

 

She still seems so naive. She hasn't gotten yet she's dealing with an evil sociopath.

 

And I know this is secondary, but I'm still surprised about how a rich woman marries a man WITHOUT A PRENUP weeks after meeting him.

 

PS1: Ok, but not she's advising her daughter not to tell the police she saw him stalking her? I think on a unconscious level Debra is still protecting him, hoping this is just a bad dream. I don't know, she makes bad decision after bad decision. The only smart thing she did yet was hire a lawyer without John knowing.

[katrina1980]

Annia, re her daughters, I won't give away the ending but prepare yourself cause it gets MUCH.

 

But needless to say, I agree about Debra, and not quite sure how she lives with herself now, once you watch the final episode you will know what I'm talking about.

[SherrySher]

Debra is anything but smart. She is the prime example of everything you should not do in a relationship and how letting your emotions make your decisions can destroy your life or those around you.

 

She was even willing to put her daughters in harms way for this so called "love".

 

I truly do find her intolerable.

[katrina1980]

Not sure what's going on with me, but lately I'm into true crime, perhaps to divert my thoughts, who knows.

 

But last night I watched another disturbing mini-series "The Sea Will Tell" - Investigation Discovery channel originally told the story, and I was so intrigued, I ordered the book by Vincent Bugliosi (famous attorney who defended Charles Manson and wrote the book Helter Skelter about the Manson Tate murders).

 

Anyway, I uploaded "The Sea Will Tell," holy sh** what a disturbing story! About a wealthy couple who were brutally tortured and murdered while living on a tropical island because their killer wanted their beautiful boat.

 

Another freakin psychopath!

[SherrySher]

Yes, unfortunately there are many stories like that if you look for them.

 

I had a criminal psychology class in Uni and there were many disturbing things I learnt about in that class. I still cannot believe how many criminals like this that are actually out there and how bad they can get!

 

It's chilling.

[katrina1980]

Sherry did you ever watch the HBO series "Big Little Lies"? I created a thread about it.

 

One story depicted the story of a once very successful woman (a lawyer), who was physically and emotionally abused by her husband -- for six years.

 

I never understood these relationships and how seemingly intelligent, educated, successful women (as Debra was and Celeste in Big Little Lies) could stay or return to these abusive men.

 

Celeste had a child too, a son, and by remaining with her abusuve husband, she allowed her son to witness the abuse and in turn HE ended up becoming a bully at school and physically abusing his female classmate.

 

I'm still not sure I understand it, but what's clear is that manipulation can be very insidious, and powerful that often culminates in devasting consequences.

 

I mean, if you don't want to think about yourself, that's one thing, but when kids are involved??

 

That's a whole n'other story!

[Starlight925]

I'm lately so into True Crime podcasts!

 

Of course, "Dirty John" was my first, and now I'm hooked.

 

"Dr. Death" ..... so chilling.

 

"Natalie Wood" story .... wow.

 

I've downloaded a bunch more. I listen to them when I'm out on my 3-mile walk. Usually 1-2 episodes per walk, and I forget that I'm actually even doing anything.