Dating with A Mental Illness

[figureitout23]

Yes I have seen a doctor. I've been on zoloft for about 8 months. It helps a little bit, but I still struggle with depression. I was going to therapy and I found it didn't really help me that much. I don't just struggle with social outings, it's a lot more. One time the guy I like at work brought his sister to work and I was so extremely nervous to spark up a conversation and introduce myself I wasn't sure how to go about doing it. I felt I said stupid things. I was scared she would think I was weird and tell her brother and he wouldn't be interested in me. I ended up leaving work early that day just to avoid speaking to them.

 

That's just an example. Throughout college I was so terrified to walk around campus out of fear of people making fun of me. I was bullied as a child for my appearance so I constantly always fear being judged by others. Things aren't as bad like they used to. I find I can travel alone and attend concerts by myself which I enjoy doing so there's some progress.

 

I don't really care for the job I have now. However, I'm too scared to leave and start somewhere new. It's just difficult for me. I suffer from panic attacks also. I had three break downs in front of my ex boyfriend one time. It was so bad that in the middle of the argument I felt I couldn't breathe and had to tell him I was scared to be alone that night because I seriously felt like I was going insane and would harm myself. I went to the hospital and he stayed with me. But the doctors made me feel like my condition was a joke and they didn't take me seriously they even said. I was at the wrong hospital since it was a hospital for expecting mothers and children and the next time something "was really wrong with me to go to a different hospital". (it was the only one nearby during my panic attack) I keep replaying those moments in my head and just realize how it will always be difficult for me to date and form friendships. I've been working on getting better but I feel as though I always end up feeling the same. I don't know how to get out of this rut.

 

Why is dating your focus right now?

 

Serious question.

 

Why are you stressing so much about it.

 

In the grand scheme of things its pretty low on the importance totem pole.

 

I think dating is something that falls into place when your life is settled. When youre content and ready to add to your life.

 

Not something to take on while filled with anxiety, new medication, career instability, etc.

 

I mean no disrespect, Im honestly realizing more and more each day jusy how many are using dating as a coping mechanism, as a way to 'fix' themselves. and its just such a reckless thing to do.

 

Just put one foot in front of the other, you say relationships and friendships are hard, well walk before you run girl, make some friends! Starts small, go to coffee shops during open mic night, or the library, or in class when someone talks to you, talk back.