Jump to content

summablairr

Members
  • Posts

    30
  • Joined

summablairr's Achievements

Explorer

Explorer (4/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

4

Reputation

  1. The last year, I've been single and I'm happy and in a healthier place then I was before. I started getting myself in hobby's like couponing. It surprisingly takes my mind off of things and makes me happy because I'm saving money, lol. However, there are times I feel lonely. I want to ask, how has anyone been able to overcome these feelings? I know it's part of being human , but I want to overcome it and not let it consume me. Any tips or advice is greatly appreciated! It's a new year and I just want to be the best version of myself. I feel like learning to love myself and embrace during this period in my life will do just that, but I need to learn how to fully be happy alone.
  2. thank you so much. I'm really trying to better myself. I've put my mental health on the back burner for so long and I just want to what's best for me.
  3. I haven't spoken to the new therapist about it yet. But I plan on bringing it up when I go soon.
  4. Just need some clarity on if I was in the wrong? I'm also venting in this post. Just trying to paint a clear picture on the type of relationship I had with my former therapist. So please bare with me. I suffer from mental illnesses that I've always seen a therapist for to help me cope and also to have someone to talk to when times get rough. I was going to the same therapist who I've been going to for about 7 years. My therapist has always been a great and understanding person. I do feel at times he was a bit unorganized, but he would let me slide with missing sessions and also let me pay him later for sessions when I didn't have the money which I was always grateful for and would always pay him back.He even helped me fix a tire once and I thanked him for that time too. I also felt our relationship was different compared to most therapists. My entire family has given him business for years and he became sort of like a family friend to us all. There was even a time my parents gave him tickets to an event we attend each year. It was odd to see him there and I did feel uncomfortable at times , seeing my therapist outside of sessions, but I just let it be. He once mentioned how someone who worked at my job was seeing him and the person was concerned they were going to fired and he remembered how I once had those concerns too. I immediately knew who he was talking about, because I work at a small business and It was kind of awkward and I felt that it's something he shouldn't have mentioned. I just let it slide, because again I really saw him as a really good friend. He even offered me little side jobs to work with him, but I quit. He sales stuff on eBay and amazon and apparently he was banned from selling on there because of damaged goods that he says wasn't his fault, but usps. He offered his employees and to open up our own account and bank account and sale on our own, but somehow transfer the money to him...it was confusing so I declined to do it. But in sessions he would make me feel guilty for not wanting to do it, saying it was easy money and I didn't trust him. Most recently, we had a dispute. For the last two months, I hadn't been able to see him because of mismanagement with his schedule. I would show up to my sessions to find out they accidentally had two people scheduled for the same time. I was completely understanding and rescheduled.One time he was unaware I was scheduled for a session and I offered to leave and reschedule , but he said it was fine and still saw me. The next time I went, his prior session ran longer than he expected so I said I would leave and come back. I did that and when I got back in, they were telling another person the same thing. The person was about to leave but saw my therapist at the counter and began talking to him and he said he could chat with her for a few minutes and for her to come meet him in his office. I was a bit frustrated at that point because I had waited an hour and only for him to see someone else. Even though it was a "few minutes" , I felt kind of disrespected for that. I just told his receptionist (who happens to be his daughter ) that I was going to just call and reschedule at a later time. The following weeks, I felt as though I was met with the same thing. I was always scheduled with someone else. There was always mismanagement with scheduling . The last time it happened, I just expressed my concerns. I didn't want to seem mean or obnoxious, but I was frustrated at that point. I hadn't seen him in a little over a month and each time, I felt the scheduling issues was the same. I just told his daughter. I'm sorry, but this has happened multiple times and I don't understand why it's happening. It's an inconvenience for me and there should be a better system in store and his daughter was like I'm sorry about that and he came out and was like "how many times have you done this to me?" (meaning times I had to cancel and reschedule ) and I said I understand that and that was done in the past, but I feel as a businesses, this is unprofessional and shouldn't be happening .He offered to still see me, but after us going back and forth, I didn't want to see him, knowing how we were both frustrated with each other, it would've just been some hostility between us during the session. I just wanted to cool off, so I just said no and picked up my stuff and left. I uttered "this is effing ridiculous " under my breath. not sure if they heard or not. Some weeks passed by and I called to schedule an appointment. His daughter answered again and was like "oh I thought you said you wasn't coming back," I never said that , but wanted to schedule . She called back and left a message saying "he was busy and couldn't see me today." I didn't ask for an appointment that day , so I shrugged it off and decided to text him and apologize and explained how I was trying to express my feelings. I had decided to see a new therapist , but still wanted to keep the peace between us because again I always saw him as like a family friend. And also felt some kind of loyalty to him because I've seen him for years and he knows everything about me and has helped me through some difficult times. I planned to attest still keep in touch and maybe see him every now and then just to update him on my life. I had recently accomplished something he had been telling me to do and wanted to let him know I was listening to his advice. He messaged me back saying how relationships are reciprocal and brought up how he's helped me in the past and how he only got in return was me saying it was an inconvience and that he didn't want to continue working with me anymore and "good luck." I felt as though he disregarded the multiple times I was completely fine with the mismanaged schedule and didn't see my side . Although , I did find someone new, I still felt a sense of sadness knowing how things ended the way it did. Since I deal with extreme anxiety I have obsessive thought and I keep replaying this whole thing over again in my head. I'm trying my best to be a better person, and I just want to do the right thing. I feel like I'm a horrible person and hurt someone who's helped though hard times and that wasn't my intention. I just need some help. Please help me. I just want to be a better person.
  5. The last therapist I had helped me with some tough times, but I felt as though I wasn't seeing improvement within myself. Mostly his advice was for me to leave a toxic relationship, exercise and be positive. which are great tips. However, I felt like we never got to the underlying problem that was causing me to act out or have breakdowns. I've since left him, and have found a new therapist. We're still in the getting to know each other phase, but I'm hoping this could really help me out so I'm trying to find a good fit to help me. Thanks for your advice!
  6. How do you know when a therapist is a good fit for you?
  7. Thank you to the ones who have responded to me and given me advice. It's not easy for me to let go. There are some underlining issues I deal with that I'm trying to figure out why it's so hard for me to let go. Never thought I would be that person. Again it isn't easy for me and I'm trying my best to let go , but I can't control my thoughts and there are times I long to just be with him. Just to hear his voice. Just to have him love me again. When you've been in a relationship with an abuser who gaslights you all the time, you start to question you sanity and feel as though you're the problem. I post with details because I just want to know if it's me. If I'm the problem. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I put up with abuse. I just want to make things right. I'm seeking therapy and have found a new therapist and I'm taking medicine. I'm hoping this will help. I'm really making an effort, even if it's hard. Again I appreciate the advice. I'm not trying to sound repetitive or be burden to this forum, since some responses just brought up old posts I written in the past(years ago) . I honestly feel like some responses were just belittling and had some bullying undertones. Not trying to sound like a "victim" and I'm Not trying to start any arguments, but when someone is asking for help and have asked multiple times, there are obviously some issues there. Please try to be kinder. To the ones who were kind and genuinely gave me advice, I truly appreciate it . Thank you so much.
  8. At first, I wasn't sure if he was just into BDSM and I kind of played along with it, thinking he was into it. But it's a conversation that's never came up. We didn't have a convo on what he likes and what he would want and he never asked me. He just started throwing out demands and said he wants me to do something when he says it and to not ask questions. For example I was at work we work near each other and he told me he wanted to hook up and send him a nude. I told him I would but I was busy and to wait . I was in the middle of working and talking to other people. When I finally got a chance to respond he said it was too late and that he was disappointed in me and that he sees where my priorities were and how I need to listen to him and do what he says. It concerned me. I told my mom about it and she mentioned calling the police, but I told her it didn't need to go that far because a part of me is allowing him to do this so I wouldn't call it harassment. I guess I just want to make him happy and not upset but it comes at a cost because I feel it's impossible to please him and keep my sanity.
  9. My ex boyfriend has come back into my life recently. We broke up after I had a mental break down last year. He was supportive and helped me get the resources I needed to overcome it. Recently we've been talking again but he keeps giving me mixed signals. I feel as though he's coercing me to do somethings he knows I'm not comfortable with, just for his satisfaction. He told me he wants me to send him pictures of myself everyday and it's unacceptable if I don't send them , even if I'm busy. He sent me a text saying the only way we could be back with each other is if he could have full control over my life, because he say's he's never did anything to let me down. He always brings up my mental breakdown and says he's the only one who was there for me and supportive so I need to do what he says because he cares for me. He told me to put his text messages on read so he could know when I see it. He gave me a list of things he wants me to do and asked me what he should do to punish me if I don't follow the rules. he kind of scared me then and it's a topic we never spoke about again. He was never that controlling when we were together and I feel as though he's taking advantage of my vulnerability and love for him. He doesn't want people knowing that we talk to each other anymore because of my mental breakdown that was kind of public. (I threatened to kill myself during the breakdown and his friends know all about it and he says how they don't want me to be with him since then, so I need to keep us a secret.) I recently saw him while I was out at a party. I don't like parties and started drinking to help me not be so tense. Well I ended up getting drunk and it was really bad. I don't remember much but I went up to him and gave him a hug. I barely remember anything else. The next day a friend of mind told me it wasn't bad and that I just threw my body on him to give him a drunk hug and that I was just very talkative and friendly. When he texted me the next day he said I made it obvious something was going on between us at the party and why would I do that and it was a bad look. I'm scared I may have embarrassed myself. It was a party that some of our colleagues were at and I didn't want to make a fool out of myself. He even asked me what his name was saved in my phone. I don't know why he asked but I briefly remember giving my phone to someone else while I was drunk. I don't know if that person looked through my text messages which were basically drunk texts I sent my ex and another few that were sexts between us. I had no nudes on there though. I was scared she may have seen the texts. I kept calling my ex just for answers and ask him what happened and why he asked me those questions and he's never responded to me. He knows this is eating up my anxiety and he continues to ignore me and let me worry about what I did. I don't know what to do . I want to end things with him, but I'm also scared what he my do to hurt me or "punish " me . I don't want to see that play out so I kind of just listen to what he says to keep the peace between us. what should I do . is this signs of abuse?
  10. I also wanted to mention how I am seeing a therapist, but at times I don't know if he gives me the right advice. He said I should take the opportunity and experience something new and it would be a great opportunity and that I can see how things are for myself and not to listen to what other people had to say about the job. My parents think it's best if I stayed home. The also worry about me and understanding what I've struggled with. I guess my indecisiveness is showing me that I have a bigger problem I need to work through. Anxiety really sucks and I hate how hard it is for me to make decisions. Another reason why I'm hesitant is because with anxiety ; I need structure. The whole job process was a bit different for me. I had two phone interviews, the next day they offered me the job and I was in the process of negotiating with them and I let them know that I could make a final decision once I got a chance to visit the area. They didn't want to fly me out or anything until they knew I was committed to taking the job . I didn't hear back for 2 weeks from them then they gave me a final offer and set up a time to meet them. Which they've only been able to schedule me to meet them in 2 weeks, but the thing is my current job needs to know if I'm staying soon and have given me a deadline which is Monday. I don't necessarily like the process that was given to me at the new job ; just seemed a bit unorganized and all over the place. My contract ends at the end of July at my current job and the new place is looking at a start date for the second week in august. I've never moved anywhere before so I don't even know how the go about getting things in order if I only have less than a month to look into it. I plan on staying at my current job. I feel really nervous declining their offer after I seemed interested in it and had them schedule to fly me out soon. I don't want to burn bridges. I thought I would be ready to move but now that the opportunity has presented myself I'm backing out. I fear I won't ever get another opportunity to make a big jump like this again How can I cure this anxiety and depression ? I've dealt with this my whole life I'm 26 and I always thought things would get better over time, but I still feel the same way. I just want to be normal and for once make the best decisions I feel comfortable with.
  11. Thanks for the advice! I am leaning more towards staying home and working on myself. However, I'm scared that this might be an opportunity that I'm going to miss out on. It appears some people who work at the job , I was recently offered, move up to bigger and better paying positions. How can I get my mind off of missing out on an opportunity and letting fear and anxiety consume me? sometimes I question if it's my mental illness holding me back or if I'm thinking rationally. Again,I'm not exactly happy at the job I'm at now. I think my biggest thing is that I've seen people leave my current job and move on to what appears to be better jobs and I'm still stuck in the same position. It can be a bit overwhelming and make me question what I'm doing with my life or that I'm not working towards my full potential.All of my mentors and friends are telling me I should spread my wings and go somewhere new and try it out. However, no one truly knows my struggles of depression and anxiety. I get scared because sometimes when I go into full panic mood I don't think clearly. That's what happened last year when I was deeply depressed. Things have finally started to feel normal now, but I never want to be in that place again. I'm so scared something new would bring me to that position again.
  12. I've been working at the same place I began my career about 4 years ago. It wasn't the easiest job to work through. It's highly stressful and management can be difficult to work with. At times I feel there is workplace bullying and mistreatment. However, over the years I've learned to just perservere through it. My contract for my job is coming to an end. I recently received another job offer in a place that's 9 hours away from home. It's a bigger city and the pay would be about 8k more. However, when I reached out to former employees and a person who works there they described the place as a similar toxic culture I'm currently dealing with. Basically saying there is low morale, people are overworked and underpaid. One woman I spoke with told me how she would never go back and work there again. Another girl described it a bit better as a more positive place but she ended up leaving after a year and went into a different industry. The negative comments scared me because I struggle with depression and anxiety. I had to be hospitalized last year after a suicide attempt. I've been doing better, but I'm worried a new place could trigger me back to a dark place. I'd be doing the same thing I do at my current job. It's tough and hard to get by each day while working because the job isn't easy. I feel it would be the same scenareo just in a new place. Like same thing different place. Being away from family and dealing with a possible toxic environment scares me. I know every job comes with stress and its ups and downs, but it's even more difficult when you deal with mistreatment and are stuck under contract for a few years. I have to decide if I want to stay at my current workplace and ride it out for a few more years, or move on to another place. The pros with my current job is I'm home. I would be promoted within the company and also I know I'm able to take some time off without any issues. The new place wouldn't be as easy doing that, but I would be in a bigger area and it could help me grow and advance in my overall career. They are both contract work so either way I'd be stuck at both places I'm not to thrilled about. I hope I don't sound negative. I am grateful for each opportunity I just know how the industry is and how it's trigged and played a part in some of my depression and some dark moments in my past, I've looked at other fields but so far no luck. I can't afford to not to work. I guess I'm just asking for advice on what to do. Should I take a chance and move to a bigger place, where some employees have stated they're not happy at, or should I stay at my current workplace ? I feel like I'm missing out on a good opportunity, but something about it just doesn't feel right to me. Please help.
  13. Yes I have seen a doctor. I've been on zoloft for about 8 months. It helps a little bit, but I still struggle with depression. I was going to therapy and I found it didn't really help me that much. I don't just struggle with social outings, it's a lot more. One time the guy I like at work brought his sister to work and I was so extremely nervous to spark up a conversation and introduce myself I wasn't sure how to go about doing it. I felt I said stupid things. I was scared she would think I was weird and tell her brother and he wouldn't be interested in me. I ended up leaving work early that day just to avoid speaking to them. That's just an example. Throughout college I was so terrified to walk around campus out of fear of people making fun of me. I was bullied as a child for my appearance so I constantly always fear being judged by others. Things aren't as bad like they used to. I find I can travel alone and attend concerts by myself which I enjoy doing so there's some progress. I don't really care for the job I have now. However, I'm too scared to leave and start somewhere new. It's just difficult for me. I suffer from panic attacks also. I had three break downs in front of my ex boyfriend one time. It was so bad that in the middle of the argument I felt I couldn't breathe and had to tell him I was scared to be alone that night because I seriously felt like I was going insane and would harm myself. I went to the hospital and he stayed with me. But the doctors made me feel like my condition was a joke and they didn't take me seriously they even said. I was at the wrong hospital since it was a hospital for expecting mothers and children and the next time something "was really wrong with me to go to a different hospital". (it was the only one nearby during my panic attack) I keep replaying those moments in my head and just realize how it will always be difficult for me to date and form friendships. I've been working on getting better but I feel as though I always end up feeling the same. I don't know how to get out of this rut.
  14. I struggle with social anxiety and I feel as though I've ruined relationships in the past because of this mental illness. I don't like parties are being around large crowds with people who I'm not familiar with. My anxiety goes through the roof. My last relationship didn't work out because we both liked different things. He liked partying while, I didn't .I tried my best to just push through and go out with him at times and I really thought I was getting better at it, but before we broke up he mentioned how he basically didn't like inviting me and said how it felt like a burden bringing me around because I don't dance or drink or anything. I know i've held conversations before with other people while I was out with him. It was an accomplishment I was kind of proud of, but he didn't notice it. He said I don't talk and look uncomfortable. It really hurt me because I know it's something i struggle with and impacted my relationship with him. He knew what i struggled with . Anyway since we've broken up there was a new guy i work with who I thought really liked me. He would text and call often. We'd hang out sometimes but it was mostly like friendly stuff. However, when he would invite me out I would either decline and sometimes I would go and have a great time. However, I noticed his interest has sparked with someone new who seems more outgoing and a little wilder than I am. He's stopped inviting me places and it hurts when I see him posting stuff online of him with other girls. I feel really stupid and like I'm missing out on life. It's not like i'm completely not trying, i have in the past. I just find it so overwhelming when I'm around other people. The crazy thing is I love concerts. I do not act that way when I'm at a concert listening to music live that I love. Only thing is concerts are very rare where I"m at and I normally have to drive about 2 to 3 hours away to enjoy them. What should I do? I feel like my social anxiety/depression will never go away. I just want to feel normal and accepted but I feel the complete opposite. I don't have much friends either and I'm just in a constant state of loneliness and depression 24/7. I've been suicidal before in the past. My parents are the only reason why I'm still here. I love them so much, but I fear what I will do if I ever lose them, which I know will happen in the future. It scares me. I just feel like once they pass I won't have anything left worth living for.
  15. Well here's an update. I ended things with him. It's another long story. The relationship wasn't healthy at all. There were some days I would get so depressed when I was with him and I realized I wasn't happy at all. The last time I saw him, he went out late with a friend. He didn't invite me to go out because he said it was only going to be a small group of his guy friends. He comes back to my place, drunk. I was upset because he didn't invite me and clearly it wasn't a small group. I saw him on another women's snapchat. He knew I was upset and tried his best to make things better. I told him I wasn't in the mood to have sex, but he kept on insisting for us to do it. I thought maybe it would make things better between us. But the whole time I kept thinking to myself. I don't want to do this, but I gave in. In the middle of it, he said something about I have to always have sex with him when he's in town because we're long distance. EVen if I don't want to do it and at that point I just started crying.I've been having mental and physical problems with my health and there are times, I really can't do it because I'm sick. I don't think he noticed I was crying at first. Then it eventually got to a point I screamed "Please Stop!" and I just broke down crying. He stopped . I'm not sure what happened to me but I was overwhelmed with emotions. He apologized and was concerned. I told him I couldn't be with him anymore. I said just needed space because it wasn't healthy, he told me he understood and loved me. He said for me to just think about giving us another chance and to talk about it in a few days. Well I was going to do that and then the next day I find out he's going on a trip out of town with friends and he never told me anything about it. I found out online through a mutual friend who tagged him about how excited he was. There was an event I wanted to attend with him, but he said prior to this that he wasn't sure if he was going to go and if he did he already agreed to go with his friends because it would be a reasonable price for them. I ended up not being able to go for money and the last we spoke of it was when he said he wasn't sure if he was going. I found out he planned on going online . Then on his snapchat he posted a Throwback Thursday video of him with a room filled with women (who are his co workers). I called him immediately after seeing that and told him I was done with the relationship. I brought up the trip with his friends and was defensive saying he told me already he was going. The video he posted , there was another guy there and the girls just invited them over to watch a movie. He was down that day and when he went there he was happy and wanted to share it online. I argued back, that we had plenty of great times together and he never posted any of them. I brought up the screenshot text message of the women who invited herself over to his place and he said I didn't see the whole text message the girl knew he had a girlfriend and she got his number for strictly work and she was hitting on him. He turned it around and said he was sure other guys hitted on me and then said he didn't need to explain himself because I made my decision. I haven't talked to him since then. I keep feeling sad, upset, and resentment over the relationship. I'm not intentionally looking at his social media but we have mutual friends and he's on his trip and I keep seeing all the post he's making saying he's living his best life and taking picture with other women and I admit it does hurt a lot. So I've blocked him from all my accounts so I won't be tempted to look at his stuff anymore. I'm really trying to do whats best for me. I appreciate all the advice on this thread. Thank you.
×
×
  • Create New...