Should i be embarrassed

[marlowe1996]

It’s relationship related but i didn’t ask for advice on that. I asked a question. I asked for input. I got responses the first time that were related to what i asked for. “ what you did was normal, anyone would react that way.” “crazy people make you do crazy things, don’t beat yourself up over it.” Im not asking “should i try to pursue him?” absolutely not. Just because that’s what a lot of the people ask on this forum doesn’t mean it’s what i’m asking now.

[Hollyj]

You are on a relationship forum, and you clearly have feelings for him; otherwise, you would not be putting so much energy into this.

 

OP, do you have friends, and do you get out socially?

[marlowe1996]

My therapist works through things with me and doesn’t push anything either way. She lets me make my own decisions. She also knows our relationship in a much more detailed in depth way. Look he was my friend, my best friend. We were extremely close and he recognized that too. He’s gone down a road that is sad and disturbing. He’s been addicted to drugs and probably still is. I care about him still, doesn’t mean i want to be in his life. We’ve been distant enough that he seemed actually more mature and like he was doing better. He expressed to me that he doesn’t want to be a bad a person he wants to put in work to not be a selfish deceiving person and when someone you truly care about comes to you saying that, well comes to me saying that, id have a really hard time not trying to support that. Now i’m at a different spot but since everyone seems to think i’m crazy for ever talking to him again in the first place, that was why. He seemed genuine and honestly if i hadn’t found out what i did myself i would probably still be talking to him the same way. He put on a front. Not sure why but thats what he did. Now i’m realizing he has a lot of issues that are his own responsibility to work out and i hope he does, but i don’t need to be involved.

[Hollyj]

But, he is not good for you or anybody else . I would address why you would get involved with a drug addict? That has disaster written all over it.

 

You cannot fix him or be his therapist, as that is co dependent. Has he sought help for his addiction? I don't give a damn for who he wants t be, you need to see him for who he is: a selfish, lying drug addict.

 

You need to expect a lot more for yourself.

[marlowe1996]

I don’t have feelings for him anymore not after this. And i don’t feel like i’m putting much energy into him but i am putting them into my responses because i want to defend myself on some level, and i’m also pretty bored at work. And you hit the nail on the head there, no i don’t. In fact i lost three friends in the past month and that’s partly why this even bothered me. I could start a completely different thread on the circumstances of my life but that would be honestly even more of a mess. I’ve been in a really bad spot for the past four years. I didn’t even get to graduate with my class, i ended school home schooled. after that i never saw my peers regularly again. I don’t go out almost at all. I did last night and that was fun. Went to dinner and a movie. But yeah if you knew all the details of my life you’d understand why i have a hard time and why things are such a mess. but honest to god, i don’t have feelings for him. any residual feelings dissappeared after this fiasco. Too emotionally exhausted to have feelings for him.

[marlowe1996]

I would never get myself involved with a drug addict! i didn’t even know about it until he broke up with me. I do care about him and want him to get help but no i wouldn’t willingly involve myself in that. It was five years into a really close relationship/friendship that i found out about his addiction. At that point he was gone anyway but yes i cared about him and would’ve helped. At that point he felt like a son to me in a weird way. It was hard to deal with and still is.

[Hollyj]

I am sorry that things have been tough, but please stay away from people like him. They will only bring you down and are losers.

 

Have you tried to make friends through Meet ups or looked into clubs (hobbies) that interest you? Have you tried volunteering. Anything to get out.

[Wiseman2]

That's it. It's really this simple.

He’s been addicted to drugs and probably still is. he has a lot of issues that are his own responsibility to work out and i hope he does, but i don’t need to be involved.

[Hollyj]

I would never get myself involved with a drug addict! i didn’t even know about it until he broke up with me. I do care about him and want him to get help but no i wouldn’t willingly involve myself in that. It was five years into a really close relationship/friendship that i found out about his addiction. At that point he was gone anyway but yes i cared about him and would’ve helped. At that point he felt like a son to me in a weird way. It was hard to deal with and still is.

 

Don't ever look for projects, this is co dependent behavior, and you are not qualified to help. Leave that up to the individual and a professional.

if you do seek out these types of people, I can guarantee a lifetime of drama and misery.

[Hollyj]

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

[marlowe1996]

Yes you’re right and i do realize that now.

[marlowe1996]

Honestly i’ve been a recluse because i have pretty crippling social anxiety. I ended up getting really sick and losing my hair and i just couldn’t deal with it and still can’t. yes i see a therapist. I have a disease that causes a lot of mental health issues. I’m working on it, i’ve been working on it for years. and recently even more so. But my situation is not like most people’s. I really wish it was.

[marlowe1996]

I’m not looking for projects like i said i wasn’t aware of his addiction our entire relationship. I’m only saying once i found out i was so close to him it felt like finding out a family member was addicted to drugs. I wanted to help, but not directly. Just being supportive and help him find therapy and what not. But that didn’t happen either, we just went our separate ways. I’m only saying i didnt seek this out at all, but it does make me sad losing a best friend to drugs.

[Hollyj]

I am sorry that you are dealing with this. Are you on medication? Are you able to get out more now?

[marlowe1996]

I’ve been getting treatment for my physical illness and that’s drastically improved. I’m not on any medication for my mental health. I’m in the process of trying to get on medication to grow my hair back. I lost the only friend i really did stuff with, but my sister and her boyfriend have been supportive and inviting me to go out with them. My anxiety is too bad to do anything around too many people. But i am making an effort. Other than that i do stuff with my parents which sounds kinda sad but i do really love them and am comfortable with them. We are all putting in work to get me out of these circumstances, it’s definitelty difficult and i’m sure the hardest thing i’ll go through. It’s coming up on four years of my life being this way, i’m 22. and the first three years of my life being this way i was with my ex, which also makes this hard for me. he was my rock through this, it’s obviously even messier than it seemed.

[Hollyj]

Why haven't you gone on meds for your anxiety?

[Mari]

I’ve been getting treatment for my physical illness and that’s drastically improved. I’m not on any medication for my mental health. I’m in the process of trying to get on medication to grow my hair back. I lost the only friend i really did stuff with, but my sister and her boyfriend have been supportive and inviting me to go out with them. My anxiety is too bad to do anything around too many people. But i am making an effort. Other than that i do stuff with my parents which sounds kinda sad but i do really love them and am comfortable with them. We are all putting in work to get me out of these circumstances, it’s definitelty difficult and i’m sure the hardest thing i’ll go through. It’s coming up on four years of my life being this way, i’m 22. and the first three years of my life being this way i was with my ex, which also makes this hard for me. he was my rock through this, it’s obviously even messier than it seemed.

 

So I read your post and there's a couple of thoughts that came to mind. It could've been his gf that asked you to tell him in detail how you felt about him. After you responded it could've been her again deleting your response so he never saw it and thus he never replied to you. Then finally, to get rid of you from his life, it would be her staging that voicemail so that you would think that they are going at it and then you would look like a crazy ex gf. I don't know what you should do here. It seems like he's with an abusive girlfriend and she's going to do crazy stuff to make sure he stays with her. He's already broken up once with her and she's trying to prevent him from doing that again. Maybe he'll stay with this abusive gf. In any case, there is little for you feel embarrassed about, you can feel manipulated but not embarrassed because it doesn't apply. It's just his gf sending fake voicemails cause she's worried she's going to lose him and no one else will accept her abusive self.

[thisisrichey]

you are psycho for going after the new gf.

your beef is with HIM, not HER!

 

move on

leave him behind

you’re better off without him.

 

that’s it.