I don't want to lose him forever.....

[rileylopes]

Some tough love:

 

 

 

You, my friend, are in denial. If you know you can't handle hard liquor well, why are you not only drinking it but mixing different liquors to a point you are blacking out? Not only this but you seem to know already that you can't handle it... which means you have had previous experiences that have brought you to this place. Which means you, for whatever reason, chose to engage in self-destructive behavior without consideration to the potential consequences... not only to yourself and your BF but to your friends and family.

 

You don't have to be an alcoholic to have a substance misuse problem. Any sort of self-medication taken to the extreme where it starts to impact your life negatively is a problem.

 

 

 

You seem to intellectually know why you do these things but it doesn't sound like you have really addressed the triggers or the feelings around why you do. Meditation is a wonderful way to augment work you are already doing but it isn't going to fix the underlying problem. Therapy, counselling, coaching, treatment, whatever you want to do... deeper work is needed if you want to overcome these problems and be a better person.

 

You are right. I had issues controlling my anger in the past when I drink too much, this is just the first time it got physical. I appreciate your candidness. I agree some additional therapy is warranted.

[goddess]

You wrote, and I quote: "I just don't handle hard liquor well at all and never have." The "never have" part implies that you've had hard liquor before. I guess you didn't have a bad reaction like you did this time but if you knew that alcohol didn't agree with you, why on earth did you continue to drink??? You must have felt some sort of inebriation settling in but you continued to get blind drunk. I don't understand that. I don't mean to get you more upset than you already are; please understand that. We are trying to help you from an objective point of view. In any case, if not AA, do seek therapy, OK?

[rileylopes]

I'm glad you have stopped drinking,but you need to do it forever. Obviously, you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, and your behavior is scary. I hope you are stopping for yourself and not him.

 

Thank you Hollyj. I will be stopping forever and for myself. Of course this instance circulating around him and our relationship has brought me to this realization but it is ultimately for me to become a better person.

[rileylopes]

You wrote, and I quote: "I just don't handle hard liquor well at all and never have." The "never have" part implies that you've had hard liquor before. I guess you didn't have a bad reaction like you did this time but if you knew that alcohol didn't agree with you, why on earth did you continue to drink??? You must have felt some sort of inebriation settling in but you continued to get blind drunk. I don't understand that. I don't mean to get you more upset than you already are; please understand that. We are trying to help you from an objective point of view. In any case, if not AA, do seek therapy, OK?

 

Thanks goddess. I appreciate everyone's time and support in replying no matter how difficult it may to hear/read. You are right and unfortunately it took this large of a circumstance for me to come to the realization that I need to give up drinking entirely. Yes, I am going to seek additional therapy outside of meditation.

[MissCanuck]

This is likely done forever, OP.

 

You're correct that nobody is perfect. However, perfection and drunkenly assaulting your partner are on totally opposite ends of the spectrum. One doesn't need to be perfect to not abuse their partner. You showed him an explosive, violent side of yourself, which no matter the circumstances, he won't forget. Even if he wanted to be able to forgive and move past this, chances are he won't really be able to.

 

When finances permit, get yourself into therapy as soon as possible. Not just meditation. That is not the type of therapy you truly need, and it's not going to do squat to get at the root of your problems. You've got some rage inside you that needs to be addressed by a qualified professional, or you might find yourself in handcuffs someday if this happens again and you choose to hit a guy who will no problem having you arrested. You are darn fortunate your now-ex didn't do the same. Use this as your turning point. Cut the booze. Not for quite some time -for good. You know you can't handle it, and this is (by your own admission) not the first time you have had a problem controlling yourself when you drink. Alcohol isn't that awesome anyway, and it sure isn't contributing anything to your life, is it? I would stop drinking altogether.

 

What was the trigger point that set you off at the party, anyway? Who were you insulting, and why? What led to you crying hysterically, busting down the bedroom door and hitting your boyfriend? The context here would paint us a clearer picture of how your ex is now feeling.

[rileylopes]

This is likely done forever, OP.

 

You're correct that nobody is perfect. However, perfection and drunkenly assaulting your partner are on totally opposite ends of the spectrum. One doesn't need to be perfect to not abuse their partner. You showed him an explosive, violent side of yourself, which no matter the circumstances, he won't forget. Even if he wanted to be able to forgive and move past this, chances are he won't really be able to.

 

When finances permit, get yourself into therapy as soon as possible. Not just meditation. That is not the type of therapy you truly need, and it's not going to do squat to get at the root of your problems. You've got some rage inside you that needs to be addressed by a qualified professional, or you might find yourself in handcuffs someday if this happens again and you choose to hit a guy who will no problem having you arrested. You are darn fortunate your now-ex didn't do the same. Use this as your turning point. Cut the booze. Not for quite some time -for good. You know you can't handle it, and this is (by your own admission) not the first time you have had a problem controlling yourself when you drink. Alcohol isn't that awesome anyway, and it sure isn't contributing anything to your life, is it? I would stop drinking altogether.

 

What was the trigger point that set you off at the party, anyway? Who were you insulting, and why? What led to you crying hysterically, busting down the bedroom door and hitting your boyfriend? The context here would paint us a clearer picture of how your ex is now feeling.

 

Thank you MissCanuck. You're right. My action are not justified by any means and I know that what I did damaged the beautiful relationship we once had. I plan to seek therapy once I am in a stable living situation. Getting out of our place together is my first priority because I need to move forward and really close the door. It just hurts sticking around for nothing.

 

At the party I just remember someone handing me another drink and everything is kind of a blur. I remember thinking a girl said something about me under her breath and I got offended and said "what did you say" with an attitude....after that I remember very little but leaving crying and my bf getting us home safely. Once home everything spiraled out of control. He didn't want to talk while we were drunk, I did and I wouldn't take no for an answer so instead of leaving him be I barged into the room breaking the door which put a hole in the wall that I repatched the next morning when I woke up.

[goddess]

Thanks goddess. I appreciate everyone's time and support in replying no matter how difficult it may to hear/read. You are right and unfortunately it took this large of a circumstance for me to come to the realization that I need to give up drinking entirely. Yes, I am going to seek additional therapy outside of meditation.

 

Best of luck to you. We all learn some lessons the hard way. At least you are brave enough to face your reality.

[rileylopes]

Best of luck to you. We all learn some lessons the hard way. At least you are brave enough to face your reality.

 

Thank you, willing yes...brave doesn't feel like it yet.

[goddess]

Thank you, willing yes...brave doesn't feel like it yet.

 

You will, dear OP, with time. xx

[HealingLight]

I agree that you need to make alternative living arrangements for everyone's peace of mind. I have a friend who comes from a family of alcoholics. Once she gets a drink in her, she can't stop and becomes a totally different person somewhat similar to what you describe. She knows this about herself so she goes out of her way not only to not drink, but to avoid being in too many situations where there is alcohol involved. She's not a bad person even though she's still embarrassed about some of the things she's done while drunk, but she has to stay away from it entirely. You're not alone in this regard but it also doesn't function as an excuse for whatever happened.

 

Continue with the meditation, seek some professional help once you can afford it. Be cordial to your ex, don't beg for a second chance--most wouldn't give it in this circumstance. Let him come to you. If he comes back around, great. But chalk this up to a lesson learned.