How can I move on?

[katrina1980]

This is brilliant advice. However, if you have "other focused" to the point that you need to work on being "self focused", there is nothing wrong with that. It varies based on an individual's situation

 

Great point, and I was actually just thinking about that too!!

 

That sometimes one can become too "other-focused" which isn't good or healthy either!

 

Strive to find a balance, not easy by any stretch.

 

That is why I said volunteering is a great start.

 

Even just adopting a pet is a good start!

[bluecastle]

I see it even on this board, I find that those struggling the hardest with getting over a breakup, never post unless it's about them and their own hurt, their own pain, their own struggles, their own low self-esteem, their own whatever.

 

Terrific point!

 

A board like this can be a great way of getting out of your head, even during moments of pain. You listen to others, dealing with something similar, or something completely different. You invest in them and, in the process, your own sh*t becomes smaller, less stinky.

 

But, for some, it can become the opposite: self-centered, a place to indulge you pain.

 

And I like that as a kind of microcosm of two different paths, one with the potential to increase self-esteem through connection, another toward decreasing it through staying in your own swamp.

[TeddyPSmith]

There’s a reason I love coming here!

[jstudio]

That's the beauty of places like this.. you can get things out at the beginning.. get very helpful advice, and then hopefully utilize that knowledge you have gained to help others.

[mack1490]

Thanks again everyone.

 

A little bit of a development since then:

 

I hadn't contacted my ex in three weeks; I finally caved in and sent her a video message. In the message, I pretty much opened up about my feelings since she broke up with me. I was very anxious after I sent the video because I was afraid of a couple things: that she would respond with hostility, "stop contacting me, it's over!", or that she just wouldn't respond at all. So right after I sent the video, I put my phone in my pocket, not wanting to see it because I was too anxious. Next thing you know, ten minutes after I sent the video, which was about 9 minutes long, I get a *ding*, and lo and behold it was her. She responded really quickly. She said she was sorry for everything, and that she still thinks about me a lot.

 

At this point, I'm lost, not knowing what to do. I still love this woman very much, I guess it'll take some time for the feelings to fade away but now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, not knowing if I should ask her if she wants to hang out, or let her go for good, I just don't know. My contact with her has been extremely rare. I've been pretty good at maintaining no contact for weeks at a time, I mean at least I'm not blowing up her phone with "I miss you, please come back" texts. I'm just simply not accepting this breakup well at all, and this is what I have been speaking to my therapist about. So many men out there are just looking for sex, me I'm looking for a solid relationship with one woman. Her and my ex before her are the only women I've slept with in the last three years, I just don't care about sex as much as most men do.