Getting over the physical side of a relationship

[hope19]

What I meant by the story you're telling yourself is saying you can't get over him or that you two had an irreplaceable connection. Even if it's true it's not helpful to keep telling yourself that.

 

Try to channel those thoughts into positives. You CAN and WILL get past this and you WILL meet others who you connect with.

 

Thank you, I know I will get over it and eventually be thankful I let go, I've gotten over much worse. It's just a matter of coping in the mean time while the feelings are still there.

[katrina1980]

Makes sense... ugh I can't wait to be over him. It's horrible, every time I see him I get this instant craving to just be around him and keep talking to him like he's a magnet.

 

Hope, please google "love addiction," it's a real thing. I think that's what happening now, you are sexually addicted to him.

 

Having experienced this type of addiction myself, there is nothing logically you can do to break it, it's emotional and the only way to kick it is to go 100% cold turkey. Which in your case will be difficult since you still see him.

 

Is there any way you can avoid him? Cold turkey also means stop communicating with him. No texting, NOTHING. 100% cold turkey.

 

It's the only way, and in time, you will feel that sexual pull starting to lift.

 

Please be patient with yourself, breaking a sexual addiction to a person is not easy! It's just like any other addition, it takes perseverance, determination and strong will power.

 

Best of luck and please continue to post here for support!

[hope19]

Hope, please google "love addiction," it's a real thing. I think that's what happening now, you are sexually addicted to him.

 

Having experienced this type of addiction myself, there is nothing logically you can do to break it, it's emotional and the only way to kick it is to go 100% cold turkey. Which in your case will be difficult since you still see him.

 

Is there any way you can avoid him? Cold turkey also means stop communicating with him. No texting, NOTHING. 100% cold turkey.

 

It's the only way, and in time, you will feel that sexual pull starting to lift.

 

Please be patient with yourself, breaking a sexual addiction to a person is not easy! It's just like any other addition, it takes perseverance, determination and strong will power.

 

Best of luck and please continue to post here for support!

 

Thanks so much, I try to avoid him as much as possible but unfortunately it's a small campus and we have similar schedules -ugh. I'm going to keep my distance as much as I possibly can and hopefully it gets better in time.

[Annia]

So I wouldn't think of it as the "physical side" -it's not just physical, emotions are involved. You chose to move faster than typical sexually - and I would be careful about "something about him" because now you know you get very attached by having sex and you might be tempted to use that excuse or something like it "it just happened" "we just clicked" etc. I don't think that most men look for someone just to have sex with - and think men who have religious values likely wouldn't just have sex to have sex (and I mean religious values of a certain type and not just because they label themselves as a particular religion or claim to be religious -I mean they live their life in accordance with those values on a daily basis). Certain men and women enjoy having sex to have sex. That doesn't mean they are using anyone. Using someone involves deception or forcing the other person to have sex. Adults who enjoy casual sex or one night stands or flings should do it as long as both people are consenting.

 

I don't think you're too sensitive to move that quickly. I simply think you get emotionally attached through sex. Just be careful about the excuses you may make in the future. I'm sorry things didn't work out. I think you made assumptions about him based on his social skills/awkwardness and assumed you'd kind of have the upper hand.

 

As someone who now knows myself enough to know that sex makes me get (more) emotionally attached, I now prefer to wait until the emotional connection is mutually formed through other means (conversation, dates, quality time together).

 

But just like you had situations where I got sexually involved too quickly and it lead to emotional attachment that wasn't corresponded by the other person. A bit similar to you. And no, these men didn't use me.

 

Another thing I recommend is never using sex as a backdoor to a relationship. It rarely works. I'm not saying it was what you've done, but I'd be careful with sleeping with guys who give the "no labels speech" because rarely continuing to sleep with them and getting more and more attached leads to a relationship.

 

I know it hurts but now it's time to detach from him through no contact and see it as a short term fling.

[hope19]

As someone who now knows myself enough to know that sex makes me get (more) emotionally attached, I now prefer to wait until the emotional connection is mutually formed through other means (conversation, dates, quality time together).

 

But just like you had situations where I got sexually involved too quickly and it lead to emotional attachment that wasn't corresponded by the other person. A bit similar to you. And no, these men didn't use me.

 

Another thing I recommend is never using sex as a backdoor to a relationship. It rarely works. I'm not saying it was what you've done, but I'd be careful with sleeping with guys who give the "no labels speech" because rarely continuing to sleep with them and getting more and more attached leads to a relationship.

 

I know it hurts but now it's time to detach from him through no contact and see it as a short term fling.

 

It's refreshing to hear I'm not the only one! Thank you for this. I am about to post an update on the situation as a reply to this thread.

[hope19]

Hey everyone, just thought I'd give a quick update.

 

This guy and I havent spoken in a couple weeks (other than when he would say hey in passing). My feelings are absolutely fading and I feel a lot better about the whole situation, more just mad and annoyed with him than hurt/sad/missing him. Anyways, this morning I saw him sitting in the dining hall, obviously I walked right by and sat elsewhere. When I got up to leave, he saw and got up too. I noticed him walking behind me as I was leaving the building and I honestly had zero interest in talking to him and didn't expect him to want to talk to me so I kept walking and looked down at my phone. But then he called out my name and jogged up behind me. He said he noticed me in the dining hall and asked how I've been, what I've been up to, noticed via snapchat that I went home this weekend etc. In all honesty I tried to act as disinterested as possible, he did most of the talking and walked me to class and said he'll see me around. This was extremely frustrating to me because he talked to me all happily/smiling and laughing as if nothing ever happened. At this point I have no interest in getting back with him even if that's his goal. I almost laughed at the irony that as soon as I decided to let him go and move forward he pops up again and goes out of his way to talk to me. Whether he's looking for a friendship or whatever I just don't think I'm interested after what he put me through. I'm going to keep moving on and focus on myself for a little while

[Batya33]

I wouldn't read into it. Maybe he was trying to make sure there were no hard feelings. And if you're keeping him on your snapchat then it's perfectly appropriate of him to comment on knowing what you are doing. Assuming he's just making small talk, confirming that you and he are on civil terms and has no goal whatsoever beyond that.

[hope19]

I wouldn't read into it. Maybe he was trying to make sure there were no hard feelings. And if you're keeping him on your snapchat then it's perfectly appropriate of him to comment on knowing what you are doing. Assuming he's just making small talk, confirming that you and he are on civil terms and has no goal whatsoever beyond that.

 

That's what I was thinking too, I told my friend who is on a team with him about what happened and she said last night he saw me walking out of my pilates class during their practice and asked her how I was doing

[Batya33]

I beg you. Please do not gossip about him behind his back and if someone else comments interrupt and say politely “sorry but can we change the subject? I don’t want to hear information about him or talk about him. Thanks !” Resist the temptation to gossip or let yourself hear what he has said or not said about you.