I need another reality check....

[Dadadaisy123]

Ive met someone online and weve been talking nonstop for 3 weeks. A lot of flirting and all that staff. Last monday i said i had a crush on her and she said it was mutual. But she became a little... cold the rest of the week. So friday I decided to go no contact on her.... and we end up talking and i had to explain to her what was going on. She said she didnt feel anything for me. But she continued talking to me.... we were up till 5 a.m. talking... today was the same, we talked the whole day and she would flirt with me and then say she was kidding. I know, I must cut her off... but sometimes I think she feels somethijg for me... I dont know, maybe down the road she will realize she hás feelings for me... I know this is stupid. What do I do? Any thoughts? Plus, LDR is not something i would like... but I really like her

[Dadadaisy123]

Stuff*

Sorry

[LootieTootie]

If you are letting her waste your time, this is more of a reflection on you.

 

Are you trying to use her to fill a void?

[Dadadaisy123]

If you are letting her waste your time, this is more of a reflection on you.

 

Are you trying to use her to fill a void?

 

Let me just tell you something.WE ALL have a void. Thats being human. Religion, relationships, art, music? That is filling that void. But i like her. Thanks

[MissCanuck]

Have you ever met her in person? How far away is she from you?

[bluecastle]

If what we're talking about here is simply three weeks of texting a stranger...well, I think you might want to look a little closer at that void and how you're filling it. What you "like" is not really her, but the idea of her, a fantasy, the potential for some kind of romance that does not yet exist. You like that fantasy/potential so much, in fact, that you're trying to overlook what she's already told you (no feelings) but assuming her continuing to text you means more than it does. That's a lot of drama and head-spinning over something that's not really a thing.

 

So, advice? Cut this off, so you have the mental and emotional bandwidth to engage with someone who is as excited as you are about them. And someone who is 3D and not just pixels.

[Dadadaisy123]

If what we're talking about here is simply three weeks of texting a stranger...well, I think you might want to look a little closer at that void and how you're filling it. What you "like" is not really her, but the idea of her, a fantasy, the potential for some kind of romance that does not yet exist. You like that fantasy/potential so much, in fact, that you're trying to overlook what she's already told you (no feelings) but assuming her continuing to text you means more than it does. That's a lot of drama and head-spinning over something that's not really a thing.

 

So, advice? Cut this off, so you have the mental and emotional bandwidth to engage with someone who is as excited as you are about them. And someone who is 3D and not just pixels.

 

You are right... its time to cut her off

[Dadadaisy123]

Have you ever met her in person? How far away is she from you?

 

No... a little far away, but i go to that location twice a year

[MissCanuck]

No... a little far away, but i go to that location twice a year

 

That's not really sustainable to build a relationship on, though. Add to that the fact that you have never met this person, and as others have pointed out, you have a fantasy version of her in your mind.

 

She might be an awesome person, but when you've only just talked to her for 21 days, you really don't have any idea who she is actually is. You like who you think she is, which may or may not match reality at all. Maybe she's great...or maybe she's a secret pill-popper with a gambling problem. Or maybe her favourite hobby is dressing up like Ronald McDonald and taking selfies for her personal album. Maybe she's sweet and stable, or maybe she's got the worst temper you've seen and a penchant for smashing things when she's mad. My point is that you have no way of knowing one way or the other.

 

She is evidently not very interested in taking this further, so you're best to stop communicating with her.

 

Dating locally will ultimately be a much more satisfying experience.

[Batya33]

Nothing fancy like “no contact” - you simply reacted to your frustration by ignoring her rather than communicating to this stranger that you weren’t comfortable with her failing to respond and so maybe you two should not try to meet in person. You did it because you thought it would give you more power by choosing to withhold and play a game by ignoring. Instead you then chose to stay up all night taking to her. Mixed messages on your part. Since she is long distance and you have no plans to meet after all this time typing is move on. She already knows you react in a passive way and it’s not the best first impression. And she’s not that into typing and talking or making a plan to meet. I wouldn’t invest any more time in a stranger you think you might like if you ever met in person.

[Dadadaisy123]

That's not really sustainable to build a relationship on, though. Add to that the fact that you have never met this person, and as others have pointed out, you have a fantasy version of her in your mind.

 

She might be an awesome person, but when you've only just talked to her for 21 days, you really don't have any idea who she is actually is. You like who you think she is, which may or may not match reality at all. Maybe she's great...or maybe she's a secret pill-popper with a gambling problem. Or maybe her favourite hobby is dressing up like Ronald McDonald and taking selfies for her personal album. Maybe she's sweet and stable, or maybe she's got the worst temper you've seen and a penchant for smashing things when she's mad. My point is that you have no way of knowing one way or the other.

 

She is evidently not very interested in taking this further, so you're best to stop communicating with her.

 

Dating locally will ultimately be a much more satisfying experience.

Hahahhaa. At least I laughed. You are very right, actually. Thats why I dont like ldr... too much fantasy. When we fall in love with someone we never met, we are falling in love with what we project into them.

But I dont agree with that part, about her not wanting to take things further. She talks to me ALL the time, about some very deep personal stuff...

[Dadadaisy123]

Nothing fancy like “no contact” - you simply reacted to your frustration by ignoring her rather than communicating to this stranger that you weren’t comfortable with her failing to respond and so maybe you two should not try to meet in person. You did it because you thought it would give you more power by choosing to withhold and play a game by ignoring. Instead you then chose to stay up all night taking to her. Mixed messages on your part. Since she is long distance and you have no plans to meet after all this time typing is move on. She already knows you react in a passive way and it’s not the best first impression. And she’s not that into typing and talking or making a plan to meet. I wouldn’t invest any more time in a stranger you think you might like if you ever met in person.

 

Oh. That's really smart. But is behaving in a passive way a huge turn off?

[Batya33]

Oh. That's really smart. But is behaving in a passive way a huge turn off?

 

Of course it's a turn off -most people appreciate being dealt with in a direct, genuine, honest, respectful way. Passive is all about you - it's about you avoiding being up front about your feelings with another person - and trying to manipulate a result as you did when you ignored him to see what he would do. Ignoring is different than being up front and saying to the person I notice you're not responding to my texts so I'm going to stop contacting you for now as it seems you're not interested in talking with me . Let me know if I am mistaken. Take care.

[Dadadaisy123]

Of course it's a turn off -most people appreciate being dealt with in a direct, genuine, honest, respectful way. Passive is all about you - it's about you avoiding being up front about your feelings with another person - and trying to manipulate a result as you did when you ignored him to see what he would do. Ignoring is different than being up front and saying to the person I notice you're not responding to my texts so I'm going to stop contacting you for now as it seems you're not interested in talking with me . Let me know if I am mistaken. Take care.

Oh, but I was. I said what I felt and explained I need to be away from her. But she then asked me if I was going to block her... and my heart went soft again

[Batya33]

Oh, but I was. I said what I felt and explained I need to be away from her. But she then asked me if I was going to block her... and my heart went soft again

 

Oh good! I didn't get that at all from what you wrote. I see that you chose to keep interacting with her or at least keep the door open-you know the risks of that.

[Dadadaisy123]

Oh good! I didn't get that at all from what you wrote. I see that you chose to keep interacting with her or at least keep the door open-you know the risks of that.

 

Sorry! My english is not very good. But thank you very much for the attention and tips. Im actually very nervous today, because my therapist said i was repeting the same padrons of my last relationship

[MissCanuck]

Hahahhaa. At least I laughed. You are very right, actually. Thats why I dont like ldr... too much fantasy. When we fall in love with someone we never met, we are falling in love with what we project into them.

But I dont agree with that part, about her not wanting to take things further. She talks to me ALL the time, about some very deep personal stuff...

 

It doesn't matter unless and until she agrees to meet you in person.

 

Talking is easy. It takes very little effort. Taking action is another story, which she doesn't appear to be doing. This is why I maintain that, at least as of now, she doesn't seem interested in making this into more than an online chat buddy.

 

You yourself said she told you she feels nothing for you, and she flirts and then tells you she is just kidding. And that she randomly goes cold on you. Does that really strike you as the behaviour of someone who wants more?

 

In any case, I would go offline and date locally.

[StrawberryCake]

This sounds like she also knows nothing serious will come out of your talking.

She is enjoying the attention you give her, and having someone to text, but that’s it.

 

You seem to be getting emotionally invested. Get out before you get hurt.

[Dadadaisy123]

This sounds like she also knows nothing serious will come out of your talking.

She is enjoying the attention you give her, and having someone to text, but that’s it.

 

You seem to be getting emotionally invested. Get out before you get hurt.

 

Thank you very much. Today I cutted our comunication. I think im going to be just fine

[Dadadaisy123]

It doesn't matter unless and until she agrees to meet you in person.

 

Talking is easy. It takes very little effort. Taking action is another story, which she doesn't appear to be doing. This is why I maintain that, at least as of now, she doesn't seem interested in making this into more than an online chat buddy.

 

You yourself said she told you she feels nothing for you, and she flirts and then tells you she is just kidding. And that she randomly goes cold on you. Does that really strike you as the behaviour of someone who wants more?

 

In any case, I would go offline and date locally.

 

Yes. Feelings arent jokes to laugh about. Her loss if she cant be vulnerable and has to joke about something like that.