I’m in shock. Disbelief.

[Red88]

Tonight, my ex dropped an atomic bomb on me. ****.

I’m in disbelief. I’m just numb. Period.

 

Talked to my ex tonight (whom I have three children with). She told me she was pregnant. I asked with who ? She said she didn’t know. It’s between 2 different guys. My heart saaank.

 

I’m hurt. Can’t describe.

 

Red88

[Hollyj]

When did you split from your ex?

[mjae]

Sorry to hear that you’re dealing with this tough news. Honestly, I hope this is the information you needed to help push you away from wanting to be back with her. If she doesn’t know who got her pregnant then that’s just plain sad. That’s a woman with zero self-respect and a terrible influence on your 3 children living with her.

 

Hurt? I’d be disgusted with her actions. You need to hold yourself to a much higher value than you’re placing on her. She brings nothing positive to your life, and has nothing to contribute. Grow strong, better your image, increase your value, become healthy and financially successful, build your career, and then you can have the girl of your dreams. This is a woman of every man’s nightmare. Just a sexual interaction with no meaningful relationship behind it. Pointless.

 

I wouldn’t even talk to her anymore. Block her on everything and figure out what you need to do to see your children.

[MissCanuck]

Ouch. Sorry you got this news OP, I know this breakup has been a real struggle for you.

 

Let this be your final closure that you won't be reuniting with her.

[SGH]

It's been a long hard road. Please let this be the final straw. Love your children, but decide you're not going to love her.

[Carus]

Heavy blow Red....Be kind to yourself....

 

...and don't go trying to 'save' her either.

 

Carus*

[Chris12189]

while I can relate to what you are feeling I hope this situation down the road helps you realize what a piece of trash your ex is and how much better you can do. Not your circus, not your monkey anymore. Focus on yourself and children.

[11moreweeks]

but decide you're not going to love her.

 

Truly this. A lot of love is a conscious decision/effort, and it can be undone. You can feel free from her failures.

 

I can't imagine what you're going through, but in the least, you can take some solace in that you aren't a part of that circus. Focus on yourself, as paying attention to her will likely drag you down to a place where she's dragging herself.

[Hollyj]

Red, are you upset for you, or your kids?

[Bigboss29]

My ex wife did that, destroyed me in all quadrants lol but yeah it will take to move on from this, your kids are going to need you some time in the future they would want to know why is mom and dad not together kindly respond ask your mother..... Seriously, why do people think having a child is all that?????

 

Carus is right dont save her either another mistake I made and now my ex is staying with her "soul mate" after I carried her through thick and thin post divorce......

[Red88]

I am disgusted by this you’re right. I do see her as trash now. I just can’t believe it. I’m in shock. I’m hurt.

 

Red88

[Red88]

Ouch. Sorry you got this news OP, I know this breakup has been a real struggle for you.

 

Let this be your final closure that you won't be reuniting with her.

 

This break up has worn me thin. I am so tired of dealing with all these emotions and issues. Will it ever stop?

Will I ever be happy again?

 

Red88

[Red88]

It's been a long hard road. Please let this be the final straw. Love your children, but decide you're not going to love her.

 

Agreed. I’m tired of ALL of it. I just want to live my life and be happy. I hate this situation I’ve gotten myself into.

 

Red88

[Red88]

Heavy blow Red....Be kind to yourself....

 

...and don't go trying to 'save' her either.

 

Carus*

 

There won’t be any saving goin on. I just don’t get it. She said it without any remorse, like she didn’t care at all that she was pregnant and didn’t know who the father is. I’m floored.

 

Red88

[Red88]

Red, are you upset for you, or your kids?

 

I’m upset for my kids and also myself. I know my kids aren’t going to get the attention they deserve. I now know she is not a good role model. It’s just hurts all the way around .

 

Red88

[Red88]

I just wanna say, this was NOT a phone call from me. She told me this while FaceTime with my kids. I’ve been concentrating on healing and hearing this has set me back.

Waking up today has been hard. Didn’t wanna get out of bed. I have so many mixed emotions.

My brain isn’t even allowing me to type right now. I’m a mess.

 

Red88

[MissCanuck]

This break up has worn me thin. I am so tired of dealing with all these emotions and issues. Will it ever stop?

Will I ever be happy again?

 

Red88

 

I think this will be a new beginning for you, actually. You will finally be able to let go of the false hope that has previously kept you stuck and looking for ways to keep her in your romantic life. It will take a while to process and it won't be pleasant, but in time, this will eventually release you from the attachment you still had.

[Red88]

I think this will be a new beginning for you, actually. You will finally be able to let go of the false hope that has previously kept you stuck and looking for ways to keep her in your romantic life. It will take a while to process and it won't be pleasant, but in time, this will eventually release you from the attachment you still had.

 

Thank you for your response. It has been terrible processing this. It’s so much to process. My mind goes crazy.

I over analyze anyway. Absolutely, this is the death blow to this relationship. It ended disgustingly. It’s so fresh. I haven’t even had 24hrs to process this yet. I’m at ground zero and I’m almost paralyzed. I don’t enjoy anything...when just yesterday I felt fine. Dam. I sometimes wish I could go back in time. Stupid I know.

 

Right now I’m still in shock. I just can’t believe I’m being thrown one thing after another. It feels like it’ll never stop.

 

What i can’t understand is how she seems so non chalant about it. I was on FaceTime with my kids and she says “I have something to tell you”. My heart sank and that’s when she told me. The sad thing is she doesn’t even know who the father is, and apparently she’s talking with someone else (she told me that ). It could be between two guys. How is she talking to someone else while pregnant? I never thought she’d be so wreck less. It’s hurts In so many ways. How could she be so careless? This will be her fifth

Kid!!! I’m just blown away.

 

And I think about my kids I have with her and how this will affect them. Anyone who can give me some advice on how to proceed I would appreciate it.

 

Last night I wasn’t able to give many details last night due to me being so messed up. It disgusts me to even put this on here. To have to ask advice on a topic like this. Wow. Just when I thought I endured the worst...here this comes. I was actually doing OK before hearing this. Now, it feels almost like the breakup all over. I’m weak, brittle, confused, shocked, lost, empty and on and on.

 

Red88

[figureitout23]

I am disgusted by this you’re right. I do see her as trash now. I just can’t believe it. I’m in shock. I’m hurt.

 

Red88

 

Why would you be disgusted? You also recklessly had children with her. This is who she is. It's always been who she is it appears, you just didn't have an issue when it was with you.

 

There won’t be any saving goin on. I just don’t get it. She said it without any remorse, like she didn’t care at all that she was pregnant and didn’t know who the father is. I’m floored.

 

I'm sorry it took this to reach that point, but it's a great thing you're finally letting go. Stick to it, you go back and forth with this. Like another poster said don't become surrogate daddy to this new baby, we'll I guess you can, but go in with your eyes wide open about the situation.

 

Red88

 

I’m upset for my kids and also myself. I know my kids aren’t going to get the attention they deserve. I now know she is not a good role model. It’s just hurts all the way around .

 

Red88

 

Again to be fair you had no problem with her popping up pregnant when you were the one impregnating her. She's always been this way, you were just over looking it because well you were a participant.

 

Be kind to yourself right now. You and your kids will be ok. As for advice, my advice has always been the same, stay grounded. This was a mutual train wreck red. You make statements like ' she has 5 kids!' As if you aren't the daddy of two or three. Come on man. Your kids need someone to be their anchor, to be the adult. I understand being angry, but again, she's been this way, try not to go down that rabbit hole, work through it and move forward.

[Red88]

Why would you be disgusted? You also recklessly had children with her. This is who she is. It's always been who she is it appears, you just didn't have an issue when it was with you.

 

 

 

 

 

Again to be fair you had no problem with her popping up pregnant when you were the one impregnating her. She's always been this way, you were just over looking it because well you were a participant.

 

Be kind to yourself right now. You and your kids will be ok. As for advice, my advice has always been the same, stay grounded. This was a mutual train wreck red. You make statements like ' she has 5 kids!' As if you aren't the daddy of two or three. Come on man. Your kids need someone to be their anchor, to be the adult. I understand being angry, but again, she's been this way, try not to go down that rabbit hole, work through it and move forward.

 

I get it figure it out. Ok . I’ve been used. Isn’t that what you’re saying? She’s always been this way I’m just the sucker who fell at an early age(24) I’m 29. I’ve been played. Why on earth would I be set up for this disaster. Is this really REAL life. Am I a f up? Geez I’m worn thin. I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m strong so anything really could happen....I’d still be walk-in upright day in and day out till it’s my time to go. But really, why has most of my life chaos? Not super easy but not hard compared to other ppl on this earth dying for a drink of water or whatever the struggle is. I stay humble.

 

Red88

[Bigboss29]

Not saying this about me or whatnot but I assumed my ex wife was pregnant just couldn't believe how fast she was moving when she told me.... It takes time to process, it ain't easy but this is the life she chose, you didn't make that decision she did, to hurt you, seek attention I mean how can you make a child and not know who the father is??? That's disrespectful to you and your kids.....

[figureitout23]

I get it figure it out. Ok . I’ve been used. Isn’t that what you’re saying? She’s always been this way I’m just the sucker who fell at an early age(24) I’m 29. I’ve been played. Why on earth would I be set up for this disaster. Is this really REAL life. Am I a f up? Geez I’m worn thin. I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m strong so anything really could happen....I’d still be walk-in upright day in and day out till it’s my time to go. But really, why has most of my life chaos? Not super easy but not hard compared to other ppl on this earth dying for a drink of water or whatever the struggle is. I stay humble.

 

Red88

 

Absolutely not!

 

No.

 

Not saying you were a sucker.

 

Your relationship was what it was and it's over now. You have yet to accept that. It happens, we tell ourselves we're over it but when something like this happens that scab can be ripped right off if we truly aren't there yet, which understandably yOu were. It wasn't long enough time so I think that news would throw anyone for a loop.

 

 

What I mean when I say 'stay grounded' is don't take the victim road. Your relationship was never that and I think deep down you know it. It was a drama filled relationship where children kept getting conceived. You both were young, it's very common, you cheated, you checked out, she forgave you. That alone tells me, she did care, she did try, at least for part of the relationship.

 

What I mean when I say, 'this is who she is' I mean reckless. She acts in reckless ways. I'm not going to sit here and say she's disrespecting you because she did what she wanted with her own body. Even if a woman has children with you, once the relationship is over, she doesn't owe you her womb, that's not how this works. But clearly based on the fact that she was in this toxic mess with you, it's pretty clear she doesn't make the best most mature decisions.

 

What I'm saying is, this will hurt, I'm sorry there's really no way to avoid getting this kind of news before you are over a relationship because until you're over it, part of you still hasn't let go of the idea of being together again and this just threw lighter fluid and lit a match on that dream, again I'm sorry

 

I don't know why she felt the need to tell you all those details either, part of me thinks she is angry and actually trying to hurt you, which is working, but before getting angry hear me out, she's hurt because you two have been through a lot in this relationship and she probably doesn't have very well developed coping skills.

 

I've been in those power struggle relationships, I've seen them, once that dynamic starts, the relationship is given an expiration date because it quickly become a oneup relationship. I don't think she truly forgave you for the past and now that she has the power she's paying you back, I don't know for sure, it's simply my take, again don't know why she would tell you all that if not.

 

This news sucks but the cold hard reality is, it isn't your concern, your children with her are here and they will always be, that's your focus. Try your hardest to stay on the course.

 

One day at a time, mourn, cry, be angry, within reason, and get back on that horse. You got this, you will be ok.

[Red88]

Not saying this about me or whatnot but I assumed my ex wife was pregnant just couldn't believe how fast she was moving when she told me.... It takes time to process, it ain't easy but this is the life she chose, you didn't make that decision she did, to hurt you, seek attention I mean how can you make a child and not know who the father is??? That's disrespectful to you and your kids.....

 

Yea I wasn’t expecting that. I’m worried about how this impacts my kids. Who cares about me in this whole deal it’s them I worry about.

 

Red88

[Red88]

Absolutely not!

 

No.

 

Not saying you were a sucker.

 

Your relationship was what it was and it's over now. You have yet to accept that. It happens, we tell ourselves we're over it but when something like this happens that scab can be ripped right off if we truly aren't there yet, which understandably yOu were. It wasn't long enough time so I think that news would throw anyone for a loop.

 

 

What I mean when I say 'stay grounded' is don't take the victim road. Your relationship was never that and I think deep down you know it. It was a drama filled relationship where children kept getting conceived. You both were young, it's very common, you cheated, you checked out, she forgave you. That alone tells me, she did care, she did try, at least for part of the relationship.

 

What I mean when I say, 'this is who she is' I mean reckless. She acts in reckless ways. I'm not going to sit here and say she's disrespecting you because she did what she wanted with her own body. Even if a woman has children with you, once the relationship is over, she doesn't owe you her womb, that's not how this works. But clearly based on the fact that she was in this toxic mess with you, it's pretty clear she doesn't make the best most mature decisions.

 

What I'm saying is, this will hurt, I'm sorry there's really no way to avoid getting this kind of news before you are over a relationship because until you're over it, part of you still hasn't let go of the idea of being together again and this just threw lighter fluid and lit a match on that dream, again I'm sorry

 

I don't know why she felt the need to tell you all those details either, part of me thinks she is angry and actually trying to hurt you, which is working, but before getting angry hear me out, she's hurt because you two have been through a lot in this relationship and she probably doesn't have very well developed coping skills.

 

I've been in those power struggle relationships, I've seen them, once that dynamic starts, the relationship is given an expiration date because it quickly become a oneup relationship. I don't think she truly forgave you for the past and now that she has the power she's paying you back, I don't know for sure, it's simply my take, again don't know why she would tell you all that if not.

 

This news sucks but the cold hard reality is, it isn't your concern, your children with her are here and they will always be, that's your focus. Try your hardest to stay on the course.

 

One day at a time, mourn, cry, be angry, within reason, and get back on that horse. You got this, you will be ok.

 

Thank you. Yes I’m still seriously working through and dealing with this so when she said that yes I was thrown for a loop. A big one. These past couple days have been bad but I’m pushing through it. Forcing myself to not slouch around all day feeling sorry for myself or anything.

 

I’m really trying to get to a better place in life for my kids. I wanna get this disaster behind me with being happy as my only hope at this point.

 

I agree. I knew the relationship was unhealthy for awhile and just kept being co dependent. While we were together, the thought of me breaking up the family terrified me so i just kept going with it. I got really lost and confused at one point and this is when I entered the one down position, while she was gaining one up points. She was checking out and that made me wanna further check in. That was the beginning of a long, hard, painful journey to end of us forever.

 

It’s fine. Yea a can of gas and a lit match pretty much somes it up. Question?? So right now it feels like what she does has an impact on me and its usually negative. Its a horrific thought to think that this will go on and on and on for forever. I do not want to live in fear. Does this get better. I’m staying grounded I force myself to say yes. I’ll be shocked the day I finally look around, smell the fresh air, and finally feel free of these chains though.

 

Dang. I got myself into one he*ll of a predicament and it’s drenched in hurt but I will not play victim. Back when I was 24, my hippy, wild self was always up for an adventure. Well, this isn’t what I had in mind when I was seeking “adventure”. We met online, she drove 4hrs to meet me in my town, I eventually moved there thinking it’d be a fresh start and the rest is history. I recognize myself as being quite wreckless and probably a few other things.

 

Like you said, I don’t know why she felt the need to go into so much detail to me. The whole “two different guys” thing was weird. Why wouldn’t she just say I’m pregnant and leave it at that. Maybe it’s my fault for asking questions but I completely was floored. She must not give one dam about me or my feelings because she speaks so freely about anything and everything she wants to me.

 

I found this out through FaceTime with my kids. I don’t call her I only communicate through email about our kids. Where I’m going with this is...no matter what kind or how strict my boundaries are, the toxicity still creeps through. I think at some point I’ll

take legal action. Right now, I’m just not in a position to go that route.

 

You’re right, I got this. I wish this hadn’t of happened and right now I’m still in shock. Im working through and processing this catastrophe of feelings and emotions.

 

How does this impact my kids? Any guesses or advice on what I should do or expect going forward?

 

To add, there’s this theory from a few ppl that a “miscarriage” may suddenly happen and thaT this is a ploy to hurt me. I would never wish this upon nobody. I want to add that I didn’t enjoy hearing this. I know her and I don’t think she’d lie about this. It puts an alternate ending on this whole thing. I don’t like it. Someone please tell me these ppl are crazy that told me this !!!

 

Thanks to everyone for your responses. I truly do appreciate it.

 

Red88

[MissCanuck]

Lots of children have siblings by different parents, Red. If this is handled correctly, they will be okay and learn to love their new brother or sister.

 

What makes a significant impact is how the parents handle it. If they see that you are panicking and upset and angry about it, well, they're going to start modeling your behavior. So, much of how they adapt will depend on your and your ex's conduct.