ex doesn't want to start over

[AleSommacal]

what's up everyone, name's Alessandro and I'm Italian.

I broke up with my girlfriend 25 days ago and we fell silent for 10 days. It's been two weeks since we started talking again on the phone/chat. We met in person only once, but planning another "date" at the cinema soon.

Generally speaking we are very friendly and every tension before the breakup has been solved (I apologised and changed a lot my mindset during these weeks - I know it's a short period of time, but I'm confident of my achievements and she

even acknowledged it by saying "hey I'm surprised, I thought we'd never have such a conversation"). Here's the problem though: even if we feel good when interacting, we laugh a lot, we share past jokes etc. she repeatedly told me she doesn't want to give the relationship another shot. I've never asked for it! I think she's skeptical and afraid of being in a relationship with me again.

I'm receiving hot and cold behaviours from her and I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster. For instance, today she was the one phoning me and we had a funny, interesting conversation. I don't think she realises she's also flirting and letting me flirt with her.... !! then she sends me pictures of her in panties and bra asking if she made progress working out, and I'm like "what the hell is going on?" :eek:

The moment after she's a bit distant and responds with few words...

well I hope I gave you the broader picture. What's your advice? Bear in mind we're seeing each other in a week or so.

I really don't want to end in the friendzone. Sexual and mental attraction is high... maybe time will help

ask away if something is unclear or needs specification

sorry for my English

[DanZee]

Well, first you said you "never asked for it," meaning a reconciliation. But then you said you "don't want to end in the friendzone." So you do want a reconciliation. You have to make up your mind. And I doubt whether you were able to change everything wrong with the relationship in just 25 days.

 

You know, after a break up, there's all sorts of feelings left over. And getting back together like you did can cause people to fall into their old ways. You've seen her in her underwear so she's comfortable in showing you her body. But as you pointed out, she's not convinced you've changed and anyone can be on their best behavior for a little while before falling into their old habits again.

 

But I think you have to move on. She's pretty clear she doesn't want a relationship with you, and this is just a strange afterglow of a relationship. One of you will probably find someone else to date and the other will be left hanging. You should be looking for somebody else to date.

[SGH]

Who ended the relationship?

 

If it was her, she is toying with you while she works on moving on. A lot of exes stay in contact for an ego boost in the initial weeks/months after a breakup, because they want to feel like they can go back if they please. It's scary to be alone after a long relationship whether you still love your ex or not.

 

If you ended the relationship, what were the reasons? I know it hurts to disconnect from someone you shared so much of your life with, but 25 days is not enough time for significant change to occur. You're still the same people with the same dynamic. Weird as it may seem, a lot of people do have more honest communication about the relationship once they've broken up, but often return to the same faulty communication patterns if they get back together.

 

My advice to you would be to let her know that you desire reconciliation and then go no contact. If she is not on board with working on the relationship with you, you are prolonging pain and hindering the healing process. It'll be really difficult at first, but not as hard as starting the getting over her process once she's found a new boyfriend and drops you like a sack of potatoes.

[catfeeder]

Way too soon to 'start over'. When nothing changes, nothing changes.

[Wiseman2]

How long have you been dating? Why did she breakup? Unfortunately hanging on and chitchatting with her is plunging you deeper and deeper into the friendzone. Give her space and do not be a male-girlfriend she has small-talk with. Pull way back and stop contacting her. She can't miss you if you are available like this. Also, unless you correct the reasons she broke up you will never have a chance. Why are you seeing each other in a week? At school? At work? A date?

I broke up with my girlfriend 25 days ago. she repeatedly told me she doesn't want to give the relationship another shot. we're seeing each other in a week or so. I really don't want to end in the friendzone.

[ShatteredMan]

Welcome to friendzone. She's keeping you as a backup until she can find your replacement. I know that this is painful to hear but she's probably sending these pics to other guys as well until she hooks into another one. This is disrespectful behavior toward you and you know it.

 

As for your statement that you think "she doesn't realize she's flirting"......C'MON MAN!!!! She knows EXACTLY what she's doing. She's messing with your head and emotions because she KNOWS you would take her back in a heartbeat......until she starts this process all over again. Bank on it, chief!

 

In the meantime, you're in Italy which has tons of beautiful women everywhere. Do you think that there's not a better looking girl who is probably smarter and will treat you with more respect than this? Do you think that there won't be someone else who wants a man like you in her life?

 

Wouldn't it be great to be able to walk past her on the street, smile politely as you walk by and then go meet someone else who treasures you, values your time and attention and has the intention of making you happy?

 

You should never call/text/like photos/find a way to run into your ex again. It will be tough but you can do it.