Met him on the street after going NC

[JoyceVib]

Hi!

 

I came here to open my heart up for a bit, writing things off me always helps me and I appreciate this forum and the people on it a lot.

 

So I went no contact since two weeks, which is really hard. Didn't keep my mind of the guy but two weeks isn't long anyways.

For the rest of the story which will explain a lot (about the last time I saw him and everything that happened), here's this:

 

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=549047

 

 

So yesterday I was going out with a gay friend of mine. And I ran into this man I still have great feelings for (didn't work out at all!). I try to keep him off my mind, which is really hard. He's part of the reason why I'm feeling very insecure and down lately, he never gave me that feeling that I was good enough for him and having me look back on those days, I can see that this had a big impact on who I am nowadays. Have to say that he did made me feel that I was special to him.

Anyhow, here he was, looking exceptionally good. I remember I had this split second where I was doubting to say hi, but decided to do so anyways. We ended up talking a bit (just a normal, even a bit awkward, conversation about our plans of this evening (he went out with a girl). My friend asked him if he had any plans for the night and if he wanted to join us (NOOOO). He said he would come for one drink before heading home.

We we're in the pub and it was nice and all, but when my friend would leave us alone we would just awkwardly smile and say nothing. I asked him some stupid question because I couldn't take the silence, made me feel so uncomfortable. He didn't ask any personal questions, like what was going on in my life. When my friend was there everything was fine, until he started hitting on this man a bit, and excluding me from the conversation for the rest of the evening (this was the last hour or so). I felt really uncomfortable by now. My friend left and me and this man both had to take a different train, but they left from the same time and place. Still there was this awkward silence or uncomfortable conversation. He gave me a big hug, said goodbye and there was that.

 

I know this just means that it's done. Didn't hear anything afterwards either. But at this moment I'm feeling empty. The odds of me meeting him somewhere on the streets in a different town. The fact that I do deeply care about this man for some reason. The fact that before, and it was also awkward sometimes to be honest, we had interesting conversations and now didn't know what to say. It all ended in a weird way, but it feels like a slap in the face. I should try to let it go but it's hard, I got so many questions still. I don't even think he cares, while I care this much. I wonder if he joined to be polite, to have an interesting evening, because he wanted to hang out with me (don't really think so).

 

Another thing is that I used to feel so much stronger. I had a lot of guys that fell for me, could get a man if I had my eyes on him and I was good in flirting as well. This all faded, I'm not able of doing this anymore and my insecurity takes over. Obviously men can feel this as well, and I'm afraid the guy also felt this. I changed a lot the last two years. I used to be so excited about things.

 

But alright, it happened and I'll try to stay positive and work on my insecurities and let the healing progress start again. It's just that this happened when I'm trying to heal and still feel so much. And deep inside I know that he doesn't, at least not at much. And I'm afraid he noticed how much I still care for him.

[Hollyj]

This guy is a player . You knew this when you got involved. Please do not put attach your self worth to this guy. You may wish to consider counseling.

[DanZee]

Well, you've seen it for yourself that the guy is over you. Hopefully you can use this meeting to move on.