Feeling guilty and angry but want to be happy- family issues

[sailsup555]

I’ve had 10+ years of issues with my extended family (twin aunts and cousins-mainly the girls-when I left for college and my cousins dropped out of high school) my mom has had even more with her twin sisters. I felt bullied, belittled, always to blame for everything. I’ve tried many times to have a real conversation about the issues, my mom has too but it’s always brushed off or creates a family drama.

 

I was in a group text with my cousins, whenever I said something in group text was told to shut up, anything good I did was not acknowledged, im too tall, I dress up too much, my bday gift to my grandmother sucked, their nephew is cuter than mine, my clothes/hair/friends were made fun of, nasty comments about my family were made, literally ever word especially recently there was so many comments back or someone trying to one up me. It began consuming a lot of my day even just being angry at them. I had so many events and holidays ruined because of this. We have long stopped spending holidays with my extended family, we invite them (cousins and aunts) to my brothers baby showers they didn’t come, down to my parents beach house for a girls trip they blew it off. I asked why they didn’t which caused another family drama.

 

Back in the winter my boyfriend had gotten hurt and they found out and made fun of him and were huge jerks and excited and happy about it. I got mad but kept it very civil and said I wasn’t interested in being around people who want bad things to happen to me. This caused them all to get mad and block me. No one apologized somehow I was to blame as it always goes. They ended up putting me back in the group text but this point I was very done with them but felt the need to keep things civil so tried to just not read them/delete the messages etc. A couple months later I got engaged. When I ended up relaying the news they did not care, basically did not acknowledge it. This just went hand in hand with me feeling they only want bad things to happen not good things to me. An acquaintance I know that is friends with one cousin also got engaged and through facebook they were all so excited for her including my aunt) talking about her bachelorette “liking” everything etc. They haven’t liked a picture of me and my fiancé once

 

Lately I was just very fed up and ended up saying some mean things in this group text with my cousins. It caused a big drama issue which I knew it would and which has happened many many many times over the years. The whole extended family becomes involve everyone discusses it and gossips. I felt very bad and I apologized to everyone which no one responded to (I have never ever received an apology) im also mad at the same time. They have said equally mean and worse things to me and for years and years and this is the first time I have basically fought back. I was blocked again on social media and taken out of group text. I am honestly happy to be out of this and to not have contact with these people anymore I just wish I had been able to be the one to end it, not end it with me stopping to their level and at a more civil level. I am embarrassed that I acted how I did. I found myself beginning to compete back with them and even by being mean it makes me sick.

 

I feel they are toxic and I feel I have become toxic when near them as well. I also know social media issues are silly but it just hurt my feelings. I know I created the latest drama. Basically I am hoping for advice on how to move on? I want to be happy I am engaged I am having an engagement party this weekend (none of them are coming even tho they were invited) I want to focus on all the great things in my life instead of dwelling on this bad part. Also I’m not sure what to do about the wedding which is a year away so I have time but I keep thinking if I should invite them or not. If I don’t I know the family will be totally disconnected but it basically already is and I never see them and don’t have a desire to.

[DanZee]

Well, I think you know what to do. Stop talking, texting or contacting your aunts and cousins. Block them, delete them, ignore them. Then they can't hurt you. Also only invite people you want at your wedding. I haven't talked to any of my cousins in 45 years. Hang out with your friends and boyfriend. You don't need your relatives screwing up your life. They are like people who don't know how to swim trying to pull you down and drown you. Just cut contact with them. They're not worth your time.

[indea08]

Why on Earth would you consider inviting them to your wedding?! Don't even give them the opportunity to ruin that day for you! People that bring this much negativity to your life shouldn't even be in your life at all. Why do you feel as though you need to continue interacting with them at all?? Block their numbers, block them on social media, invite them to nothing and forget you know them. Who cares if it divides your family, it wasn't a happy family to begin with!! You don't have to tolerate crap like this from anyone, not even family.