It just hurts

[Idontevenkno]

I'm in so much emotional pain today I've cried most the day, even in public, I met a friend and couldn't concentrate and just wanted to leave so I did, I went to visit my parents and cried for over an hour.

 

I just want to contact him and for this all to go away. But I know that it won't. He'll ignore me or say very little and I'll regret it and be back to square one again.

 

Everything is so hard, how can I move on when I don't want to go anywhere and do anything.

 

I spend so much time just on my phone reading about break ups and how to get over someone but it's the only thing that gives me relief, when I try to put any of it in practice I just feel anxious and in despair.

[CubbyBear]

I’m so sorry you’re going through pain. Have you checked out “mouth of the ape” on youtube? If not, watch his stuff right now.

[Sonap]

I am so sorry for your pain. But I totally get it. I am doing the exact same thing. I look at articles after articles on how to get over someone and heal my broken heart. That's the only thing that keeps me going. The minute I put my phone away I am back to square one. Someone told me that the minute you will forget about your ex thats the very minute you will hear from them. We have a long road ahead of us. I am on my day one of no contact. I have emailed him so many times and I got no answer. The worst feeling in the world when someone you love ignores you. Right now they have the upper hand and we don't. But the only way we can truly heal if we don't contact them. You can talk to me if you want every time you have an urge to pick up the phone to call him. I know it's hard. Just a few mins ago my co-worker yelled at me and all I wanted to do was to call him and ask him why he broke my heart. I was this pain to stop. It's raining outside and I am thinking about him. I know the feeling. Please hang in there. If those days are passed than these days will pass too.

[metrognome]

We're all in this together.

 

Today I've had to travel back up from my parents house to my flat in a different part of the country for the week, to sort out some things and see my friends before I move out next week. My ex has just moved back here and has moved so close, I can almost see his house from my window. But I don't hear from him at all now. While I'm agonising over how everywhere I go around these streets has some memory with him, he's proper moved on. So I'm having a really tough day too and wondering how I'm going to get through this week. The weather is great which just makes me feel even more sad that this is my life now.

 

I'm also patrolling this every day for bitter-sweet relief, it's how I know I'm at my lowest point. We can use it as a point of reference when we don't rely on it so much so we know we've improved, when everything is OK again. Because I know these days and weeks are a blur at the moment.

[Idontevenkno]

I feel some solace in knowing that others are doing the same.

 

Being at home and just feeling sad and being able to nothing but feel sad feels safe.

 

But I'm scared that by doing this I'm just hiding from the world, that I won't get better until I face everything, but I just can't. Especially not today. Crying in public is a new low for me, it's not something I've done since I was a drunken teenager. But today I just walked in the rain and cried and I didn't care.

 

I've fought with myself back and forwards about why I should and shouldn't contact him. I think the only thing stopping me is knowing how much worse I'll feel and that I've done it so many times now and it's like resetting the clock. This is the longest I've ever made it into no contact and I'm reasoning with myself that this is why it is so hard, I've never went this long, when it gets tough I break and give in. Don't give in this time just keep going that's how it will get easier.

[SGH]

It's just the beginning, and often times despair is a result of trying to plead for an ex back only to be ignored. You're on the right path now doing NC. In the early days the only two approaches that help reduce obsessing and racing thoughts are distracting oneself with real life activities (work, exercise, etc.) and sitting with your feelings when they do come.

[DeepPurple88]

Sometimes you have to take it one minute at a time. Might want to connect with @Sonap. You can help each other and might even develop a great friendship.

Look, by going NC with this guy, you gave yourself some power...a tiny, tiny bit of inner strength. Now you have to hold on to that, let it grow and take it little by little.

Whatever you do, don't let him manipulate you back into day 1. BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK!

Soon you'll notice that blocks of time pass by where you didn't think of him. Then those blocks get more frequent, and the thoughts you inevitably feel in between get less intense.

It takes a while. But soon you'll start to see it!

Stay close to this forum, try to go out with your friends, and if there's something you enjoy doing...go do it!!!

If you have to be alone, don't drink or do any drugs or anything like that. Trust me - that just prolongs the suffering.

I liken it to having surgery. It hurts like at first, but ever so slowly, you start developing more strength, and the pain becomes less and less intense.

Keep us updated!

[bluecastle]

So sorry to hear about your day. Healing is not linear: there will be highs, lows, and in-betweens. As for crying in public? That is nothing to be ashamed about, not a new low. I broke up with my gf in late Sept, and it's hardly an exaggeration to say I cried in public from then until the New Year. Man, I thought I would NEVER see light again. But those tears? That's healing, that's processing. It's a wound, still fresh, and that's proof. But like all wounds, you let some oxygen in and they do heal. You are so, so not alone in your pain and you'll be out on the other side, all the stronger because of those tears.