What happens to all the love?

[EstuaryKid]

I am posting a lot on here at the moment - apologies!

 

At one point my ex was saying how much she loved me, and that even more love was blossoming and she had never been so happy.

Then quite a few unrelated things happened in her life and she became overwhelmed and stressed.

A week or two later, she drastically reduced her contact and the messages lost all the love and emotion. They became distant and it was like communicating with a different person. Then she broke off the relationship.

I suppose I know the answer why, but it's really hard to get my head around. The love must still be in there but the decision to end the relationship obviously means you can't continue to express yourself in the same way. Like it is a defense mechanism.

What happens to all her love and feeling though? It makes it seem as though it was never real.

Have other folk experienced this sudden u-turn?

[DanZee]

Uh, is this the four-month, long-distance relationship you posted about a few days ago? Did you even meet the girl? You guys didn't love each other. You didn't even know each other. You were in love with the idea of being in love. Come on. Get over it. She had a lot going on in her life and you were just a distraction for a little while as a way to relieve the stress. You need to find a real girl who lives near you and have a real relationship.

[EstuaryKid]

I now feel worse.

[James80]

It could be depression related, given all the stews factors in her life. That sort of U turn is fairly common with mental health issues.. But given the long distance thing it could be a lot of different 'normal' things too. People get wrapped up in fantasies for a while and then move on. If you've never met and only communicated through other means it's that much easier to drop people.

 

You could reach out, she should give you an explanation really. But probably the best thing to do is keep up the no contact and move on with your life. You may hear back from her but you equally might never.

[EstuaryKid]

Thank you. Yes, I did think this before about depression and it is good to be reminded. It is possibly a combination of this and, as you say, more normal things. Though long distance, we met quite a few times. I realise four months isn't very long and perhaps it was daft getting involved in a LDR, but I feel the heart doesn't always subscribe to logic and, however long or short, it hurts regardless.

[melchevelle]

Yuuuup, happened to me, but no explanation just a cold exit phrase.

[EstuaryKid]

I did get some explanation and worked out some of it by myself... but there are always unanswered questions. Sometimes we have to live with the not knowing, whatever the situation - which can be pretty hard but a good strategy for growth and healing if we can accept it.

[Blank State]

Thank you. Yes, I did think this before about depression and it is good to be reminded. It is possibly a combination of this and, as you say, more normal things. Though long distance, we met quite a few times. I realise four months isn't very long and perhaps it was daft getting involved in a LDR, but I feel the heart doesn't always subscribe to logic and, however long or short, it hurts regardless.

"The heart doesn't always subscribe to logic". It's you. Not your heart haha. The heart pumps blood. You may be the personality type that just falls in "love" fast. And that comes from attachment issues. With falling in love too fast usually comes clingy, needy behavior. And that can be a huge turnoff for women. Or anyone for the matter. And that's likely why the 180 happened. Because it can change people's image of a person.

 

Realize that 4 months isn't long enough to get to know someone, let alone love them. With that in mind bring your expectations down a little.

[Long Gone]

Similar for me back in November/December, not a long relationship but she seemed to really like me, calling me cute and 'toy boy'....then a month later said there was no romantic feelings and finished with me.

 

For a good couple of months, I kept going over it in my head and couldn't understand it. In the end I just had to accept it and thankfully I'm now moving on with my life...it just takes time....and NC!