Ex-girlfriend in pain - should I break NC?

[EstuaryKid]

This is, I hope, a straightforward query, separate from my post on the Getting Back Together Thread.

My LDR girlfriend ended the relationship a few weeks ago due to the LD being too much on top everything else - she has so much stress in her life at the moment and is overwhelmed. I accepted it as best I could and tried to go NC. Then she messaged about a week later saying her previous boyfriend had died and if she wasn't in touch much during this period, then this was why. We messaged that day but since then I have maintained NC.

I feel guilty for not being in touch, for not checking in with how she is - but, at the same time, the end of the relationship hit me really bad and I have needed to give myself space to heal.

It's been over a week now - am I doing the wrong thing?

[DanZee]

There's nothing to feel guilty about. You've said she broke up with you. Then that's it. Don't contact her anymore and move on. It's the quickest way to heal. If you keep contacting her, you won't heal. Find someone local. Someone you can have a real relationship with. Internet romances don't work out.

[RayRay63]

No, you are doing the right thing.

 

She ended the relationship. You have nothing to be guilty about.

 

Don't be her "friend" - it will just prolong your suffering.

 

Edit: I agree with DZ

[MissCanuck]

You cannot be her support system. She has friends and family for that.

[EstuaryKid]

Is it not the right thing to do though to check in on someone you love - to see if they are okay? Especially if they are grieving the loss of someone. I did say, though, prior to going NC, that I was there for her if she needed me. Perhaps that is enough. It would be hard to engage with her without tagging on an "i miss you" etc - and, also, the healing space, which is quite precious, is broken if I do make contact. Since I said I was there for her, unconditionally, perhaps I have done all I can do, and I have to think about myself too. To let it evolve and see NC and silence as being a fertile period that enables the relationship to move on to whatever is the most natural way of being.

[Wiseman2]

She knows your number. If she wants to reach out and talk, she will. You only dated 16 weeks. She has other things on her mind and her local friends and family to see her through. People who have been in her life a long time and are nearby. She sounds too overwhelmed for dating especially long distance.

Is it not the right thing to do though to check in on someone you love - to see if they are okay? Especially if they are grieving the loss of someone.

[EstuaryKid]

Thank you so much SweetGirl. It really hadn't occurred to me that her looking for/expecting support from me over an ex dying was perhaps not appropriate. It kind of makes sense now why she said she wouldn't be in touch much for a while - I couldn't work out why.